The Depths Of Shallowness

Drowning, Drowning in Cynicism; Drunk, Drunk with Sentimentality; Down, Down with Love; Dunked, Dunked in Life. Desperate Discourse. Disposable Desires. Dusky Dreams. Delirium. Dignity. Despair. Doubt. Duty. Dewy Days. Divine Divide. Dump Everything that Bothers in The Depths of Defiance. 《我的快樂時代》唱爛 才領悟代價多高昂 不能滿足不敢停站 然後怎樣 All Rights Reserved ©Angeline Ang

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Tempestuous. Intense. Proud. Intellectual. Easily Bored. Consummate Performer. Very Chinese. Very Charming. Fair. Pale. Long, Curly, Black Hair. BA(Hons). Literature. Philosophy. Japanese. Law. Dense in Relationships. Denser in All Else. Brooding. Sceptical. Condescending. Daria Morgendorffer meets Kitiara Uth Matar meets Ally McBeal. Always dreamy, always cynical, always elusive. Struggling writer, artist and student, in that order please.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Running For Life Project 2007

Yes, dear reader, you read right. I’m resurrecting my restless running soul after the legendary (spectacularly so) thwarted attempts to complete a marathon in 2006 (registration closed early due to overwhelming response) and 2005. Hilarious accounts of willing-the-self-to-run here, here, & there, there, just not everywhere.

So as you can see, I hardly cover any grounds in literal speak.

But 2007, oh yeah, this is the year that will be different. I shall run!!!!!!

Have already signed up for the Shape run (5km), and the Terry Fox run (4km) with my girlfriends and gunning for the Great Eastern Women 10km as the real deal. I’m so proud of myself and my girlfriends!!


Yes and no, I am running, both towards and away, but from where and who, to where, to who, escapes me for now, which is why I'm running, and bracing myself for a long, good run. Who knows what will happen along the way.


NB: The Running For Life Project first took off in 2005 one tragic Saturday when April and I were lamenting about so few things in life being within our jurisdiction of influence and control (with particular reference to a fledging, crawling career). If satisfaction cannot be derived from work and it cannot stretch you either, what other channels could you rely on that you could ironically exert full hold and power over? Well, the body belonging to you of course. With that, pushing the physique to its peak performance level appears to be the easiest answer in theory and an obvious one. In reality, it was difficult to adhere to a training regime because having a social life also tops my list of priorities. It cannot be that I reject invitations to shows and luncheons just to run. It wasn’t cool and so it wasn’t done. But I’m so over with being cool.

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In the end, PJ and I scrapped movie, opting for a yummylicious quiet dinner at Kura no Naka Japanese Restaurant in Clark Quay that we have not tried before. My fine-dining companion is back!! While it’s all too easy to live without someone, it’s just as scary how easily you can pick up from where it’s all been left behind. Now I have to look for the money.

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Artsfest Choice Picks:

Mabou Mines' DollHouse – groundbreaking interpretation of a classic text. It was pure genius to create a visually arresting picture through pairing the professional midget actors (the male lead has defined abs and pecs and is damn muscular can!!) with the six feet tall women to bring out the oppression of women: how they had to contort themselves to fit into the pretty dollhouse set and to go about everyday business on their knees most of the time to match (up to) the midget men on an acceptable social level. It’s a pity I’m tired on a working Friday night so I could only enjoy (or rather, appreciate) 80% of the play. But I felt it really made a strong statement and I was glad it lived up to all my expectations. Oh, the climactic, OTT operatic ending just brought everything to a soaring note and Nora’s sudden booming, solid voice, as opposed to her excellent wispy, breathy impersonation of a Marilyn Monroe was the cherry on the cake that is the perennial bourgeois tragedy (which I hope never to live out personally). The flip side of the kitchen is that the play is nutritious broth made by an ambitious master chef. Deft he may be, but he might have thrown a tad too many ingredients into the pot, choking the original intent out: now there’s nothing much to drink as the water either evaporated (double boiled too long) or been has drained by the very accompaniments that were supposed to make it richer. There are honestly too many unexpected twists and turns and subversions and experimentalism going on. I applaud the individual creative component but the sum of its parts made me wonder why there’s no soup (and thus nothing for the soul) in the play. In its overzealous attempt to play out small minded conventions and draw out the stunted possibilities, the play tipped over the edge and the joke is on itself. Look here for a similar review.

北京人 – this play is as true to its classic roots as Dollhouse is avant garde. Clocking 3 hours, it lost me quite a number of times due to the eyes-wide-shut syndrome as it was sheer tedium to focus. Not that the play wasn’t good, it was very sincere with exemplary acting contributed by the cast, but I was still exhausted and so 内敛ness and subtleties in text did not sit well and just slump over, all too happy to collapse in fatigue. The important men in white were there, including SM and wife and they had an exclusive reception during the intermission (which came after 2 hours and disappointed gasps were emitted from the audience, who had thought it would end then and there) when plebeians like yours truly stand by the edge to people-watch. But back to the play, I love the inclining set, that inclined more and more as the play goes on and on, illustrating the downfall of a once eminent and proud family. Yes, the body politic theme is at work here too.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Formally Out Of The Fridge

Background: So he's really coming back and we said to meet on Wednesday for dinner. Currently in real-time taking place is a msn chat with too many metaphors. (NB: being in and out of the fridge is an old phrase we coined during undergrad days, referring to friendship renaissance ie being quarantined vs thawing) .

PJ says: hey do u want to watch eye in the sky - the new chinese movie by simon yam and tony leung

Kitiara says: can. same day? not sure if got sneak previews on wed.

PJ says: yeah - it starts only on 21 june

Kitiara says: ha when do you want to watch it?

PJ says: maybe sunday?

Kitiara says: sunday is good! sunday then.

PJ says: cool .

PJ says: will call u to confirm on wed. but we can still do dinner on wed

PJ says: if u r free

Kitiara says: oh yes, i'm already looking forward to wed so status quo, please.

PJ says: hahah

PJ says: ok i dont want to be put back into the fridge

Kitiara says: 是你吊起来卖,还好我买得起。

PJ says: hahah - i was always for sale

PJ says: to the right buyer

Kitiara says: must thank google then. Else I wun have known where to shop.

PJ says: you were always a discerning shopper

Kitiara says: it's a negative offshoot of being sentimental. I was pleasantly surprised that you were tired of the fridge.

PJ says: i keep going in and out of the fridge

PJ says: i will rot

Kitiara says: then how. alternatively, you could shrivel and wilt and be preserved for posterity.

PJ says: it's ok

PJ says: i'm happy to thaw and decompose naturally

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Addendum: So the couple or so hours passed by easily and he was grateful that we managed to co-exist peacefully and enjoyably enough to make possible future rendezvous and that ha, the Sunday date wouldn't have to be cancelled. He has indeed mellowed, and so have I. And since it's friendship renaisssance, inevitably, the conversation would cover our only mutual friend (that he knows well and whom I once knew well), if only for the briefest of moments. We have never talked about you in the whole four years, it's like this gaping hole we refuse to acknowledge, said he who is now my friend again. That's so bizarre, you din even tell him we quarreled and you meet him so regularly? I asked in surprise, especially since the three of us have gone out quite a few times before that happened and since then, I told PJ in absolute confidence of what has transpired so that I will never have to suffer the indignities of seeing the other again. We just never talk about you, he repeated. I pretended I din know what happened between you two and strange enough, he doesn't bring you up either. Uh, and then we tossed around the crazy idea of meeting as a threesome, before I firmly hurled the idea away. I don't think she will be comfortable and he agreed. For better or worse, I will definitely see him again on 17 November this year, as his blood brother marries one of my longest and closest friends. Wedding preparations might mean seeing him more than once. Well, I forgive you and it's all water under the bridge. We were confused then, when faced with the more than one, we made our choices and I dare say, we are all happier for it.

Monday, June 11, 2007

What I Have Done

What have I done?

This question, when asked on a daily basis, serves as the constant reminder that I have to sow now in order to reap tomorrow (but usually later is when it will bear fruit, if at all).

Applied to my entire life so far, it can be a nightmare and end up as sheer rhetoric, to be shrugged off till the next panic attack.

What have I done? Have I messed up my own life? Is it too late to backpedal and be a student, far, far away from the maddening and mediocre crowd? Should I pursue something else entirely and passionately and be the flower girl of my generation?

I can no longer mull tragically in a strange, happy way on the what-ifs as I have done periodically for the last few years. It’s now or never to do what’s been in my head. Do I want it badly enough to keep moving forward?

Right now the songwriting plan is flying off to a decent start. I have met kind and encouraging industry people and it is surreal that two of them hark back to my schooldays: one being my primary school classmate whom I haven’t seen in 17 years and another being a secondary school senior whom I used to nurse an adolescent crush on. Imagine how taken aback I were when I realised both of them were teacher-student-related ie the senior mentored the friend and are closely connected. I will also be mentored by an award-winning lyricist whom I personally have a lot of respect for and we will all find out how good I am in time to come. This will be a four month long commitment that comes with a small price to pay. In the light of songwriting duties, I’m seriously considering staying put for a little while more even as we reach the end of an insufferable era: the expiry of the bond *pops champagne* I am also reviewing the possibility of professional singing lessons so that I can do live gigs. Yes, it’s another thing I always felt I had the potential to excel in but stop short of real action to mould reality from passion.

(or should I just fuck it and do that 3 year graduate law course, on top of everything else?)

Doing well in driving but I needed a temporary break so am stopping lessons till I get my mileage out of the GSS since driving lessons do eat terribly into the precious weekends.

In other trivia, PJ is flying back to Singapore 20 – 25 June and we will see each other for the first time in 4 years. He said he has matured and mellowed, no thanks to the passing of years, but I will be a better judge of that; buying a new digital camera with Mr Dimples in tow on Sunday; I’m really going to Japan 9 – 17 July and to tell myself I’m ready to go places literally, if not figuratively, I have bought a heavily discounted black Elle luggage bag for $34 ($65 paid my vouchers, original price being $229) using a cou[on and from Tangs sale, a much bigger show-stopping red travel pro one at $278 (original price $468, price slashed thanks to 20% less, $60 vouchers and using Minxiu’s rebate); trying to cultivate a professional interest in painful adult matters like the double-whammy I-s: insurance and investment and making sure I have the cashflow to buy and yet balancing delicately enough to have the liquidity to indulge in immediate gratification and shopping therapy to cope with the mediocrities in life; running the SHAPE marathon with April and Lingxiu, provided we do sign up successfully.

Watched Black Snake Moan with Minxiu. Christina Ricci has become super slender as far as I can see from the trailer.

How far can I sell out and what have I not done?

Good grief, what have I done? It seems all too easy to languish away during a period of turmoil and unrest like the female lead in Summer Palace. But what happens when we are all too calm, too contented and too contrived to be genuinely dissatisfied and doubtful of this so-called Life? My angst sticks out like the sorest of thumbs.


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Fast forward two days later

Felt better after a KTV session with the best friend. But still feeling queasy after a horrid lunch in that purportedly very good “but it tastes gross and plasticky” ramen place in Central. Yuck! I will never go there again! Give me Maggie mee any time.

Bought the evoluted version of my old Fujifilm Fine Pix F11 (with Mr Dimples as gallant companion of the day) – F31fd which is incidentally the same one Mr Dimples has (who bought it ironically after seeing how cool my F11 was) and returned to Central to survey its potential for shopping as Best Friend and I only managed to grab food there the day before. Verdict? Not exactly my, or our, cup of tea, but I did buy a Japanese stick to bun up my hair. Had a good time at Liang Court looking at paintings and imagining what one we would buy if we had the $$$.

The nice thing about hanging out with some people is that you are almost always guaranteed of a good time.

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The Simple Life: What if I just Marry A Good Man and be Simple?Joyance is the first of my good (and same age) friends to get married and have babies, with the second due in 6 months and sometimes, just sometimes, for the brief-est and the insane-est of moments, I actually found the notion viable and sort of attractive.