The Depths Of Shallowness

Drowning, Drowning in Cynicism; Drunk, Drunk with Sentimentality; Down, Down with Love; Dunked, Dunked in Life. Desperate Discourse. Disposable Desires. Dusky Dreams. Delirium. Dignity. Despair. Doubt. Duty. Dewy Days. Divine Divide. Dump Everything that Bothers in The Depths of Defiance. 《我的快樂時代》唱爛 才領悟代價多高昂 不能滿足不敢停站 然後怎樣 All Rights Reserved ©Angeline Ang

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Location: Singapore

Tempestuous. Intense. Proud. Intellectual. Easily Bored. Consummate Performer. Very Chinese. Very Charming. Fair. Pale. Long, Curly, Black Hair. BA(Hons). Literature. Philosophy. Japanese. Law. Dense in Relationships. Denser in All Else. Brooding. Sceptical. Condescending. Daria Morgendorffer meets Kitiara Uth Matar meets Ally McBeal. Always dreamy, always cynical, always elusive. Struggling writer, artist and student, in that order please.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

没什么是遥不可及的

I definitely feel happy and at peace this Christmas. The angst has dissipated and exhausted itself. Badly chosen presents aside (no more earrings, please!!! You, you, you, you, you – have terrible taste that differs greatly from my delicate and discerning one and I would never, ever wear them. Save your money and give me something else, even a cup is comparatively better. When in doubt, get me to choose my own present. Please note this applies across the board – with emphatic stress on the impending birthday event), I had a great time!

It was my first sleepover at Lingxiu’s place. We baked cookies and roasted chickens (yes, from raw bloody flesh to ripe, rich juices dripping tantalizingly in the oven). Yummy.

What’s significant is that this sleepover changed my outlook on simple homely comforts and made them actually desirable. I looked at how buddy the two boyfriends are with each other and with their girlfriend’s friends, and oh well, sweet sighs? *cue for the harmonious chirping birds to fly in*

It’s really sweet: Spending 2 hours in the kitchen eating breakfast and chatting was something that I enjoyed tremendously, simply because I have forgotten how nice and earthly it was. To wake up with friends, to cook together, to be part of this familial circle, where boyfriends are well integrated – hey, how picture perfect and cosy can this be.

Seriously, I’m charmed. I’m so, so, sold.

If this is A Life, An Option, I can choose this with no hesitation right now.

Merry Christmas. Thanks for inviting me to be part of this. I have had a fantastic time. And for the better, some things are looking very inviting at the moment.

不管是乘胜追击,甚至乘虚而入,这已开始是我向往的一种生活。

爱情、友情、亲情完美的结合,是憧憬,也是踏实的梦想。

多希望能在某某人的陪伴下,幸福的度过日子。


快乐,其实就是平凡简单。这样想,没什么是遥不可及的。

Saturday, December 23, 2006

心事静静躺

亲爱的,在你音讯全无的日子里,我仍然活得理直又气壮。

不够争气的你遇上过分赌气的我,谁都不问津。佳话谈不成,情话说不出,对你我何尝不是件好事。

今晚,坦然面对景物依旧,人事已非对的悲痛,我竟初次体会到强烈的挫败感。

再度经过你曾与我谐和游走的地方,我只能默哀,心虚地为过去凭吊。

这两年来,我到底失去了什么,只有你最清楚。

2006年的平安夜,我深深感激周围的蛛丝马迹,它们温柔的提醒我,刻骨铭心曾属于我,我也拥有过一份真挚的爱。

Friday, December 22, 2006

Boys & Girls

当我们都在一起



















真快乐无比!

Monday, December 18, 2006

那样的回忆那么足够 足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

Consumerism rules and materialism is the only way to combat modern life.

*

Days are passed numbingly and mindlessly, differentiated only by what I did and what I bought. I don’t feel anything. It’s beginning to worry me the way work has been worrying.

One of the more fun things I did lately was to go KTV with the various music label executives. We really sang who we represented lor. It was hilarious the way one would go mock-accusingly “Aiya see, I don’t know how to sing this song. Why? Because you never give me the album. Then I cannot help you 发扬光大” and another would look at the numbers (at PartyWorld, the figures on the right stand for how many times a song request has been made) and exclaim “ah, so low the numbers, let me contribute to the statistics and sing this song.”

Then there’s ABC concert with MayDay, Chen Sheng and Pin Guan. I had this epiphany which lasted for a few days: Ah Shin is super shuai can. I know this realization runs ridiculously late given that they have been around for years. I also couldn’t help but think of the past when Ah Shin sang 温柔 – yeah so I first heard it when he sang to me when we first went out together. Shit. Obviously, I need to read That Book again. It’s so Passe.

Sandy’s concert. It was okay. Actually, she looked and sounded great but I attended more out of professional obligations. Then there were heart-wrenching songs like It Wasn’t Meant To Be, 听说爱情回来过 whereby I successfully projected my state of mind. Visited St James Power Station thereafter for a private party. So I only ventured as far as Berlini Room. Food was cold and terrible.

Went to Corrine May’s Christmas concert so that I can personally ascertain her appeal and judge for myself. She’s best alone on stage without the accompaniment of any choir and any instruments beyond whatever is in her hands and lovingly played/strummed by her. Everyone and everything else on stage is extra. And of course, my last Christmas concert happened to be in Chijimes together with whoever blah blah. Period. Bygones. Over. Next.


So after a failed attempt to club at Babyface post-concert, refuge was successfully sought in the ironically named City Space. There’s no space for me here in the city, much less my thoughts, and we ain’t even talking about feelings yet!

Watched The Holiday. Watched Eragon.

(Why, why are there no D&D movies in the pipeline. Leonardo would make a gd Raistlin. Brad can be Cameron. Role reversal is just as fine)

This is Depressing. This is Tragic. I am Pathetic.

I suspect what happened, happens, when I try to convince myself life was once better because it has hit another emotional low professionally. That’s me wishing I’m faring better in the romance department since works sucks so.

Nevertheless, I’m determined not to be unhappy. Yes, Not Unhappy is fine as being Happy seems rather stretched.

*

If you are wondering why there’s no mention of Mr Dimples lately, it’s because I think he has joined the list of male casualties I have under my belt. Honestly, I have no idea what happened either.

*

In more positive news, I bought a Coach hat and wallet. The former for $89.70 and the latter was mine for $172.50. Both were heavily marked down – 70% off the original price. So all in all, I saved $600+ and was very pleased with myself. Especially when I have been eyeing the wallet since 2 years ago and never did bring myself to buy it – I saw it dropping down to $375 from $575 and walked away. Then when I returned into the store subsequently, I no longer saw it displayed on the shelves. Now it’s back and the price has plummeted this low, I would be a fool not to snap it up!!!

*

I leave you with my opening line: Consumerism rules and materialism is the only way to combat modern life.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The First Dinner

Yesterday was a Bad Day. Excruciating so. An I-Wanna-Break-Free Day. Boo to that.

After ending an outside meeting at 7.30pm, I headed instinctively towards his room and sat forlornly (not so quietly - but with a dramatic sigh) behind him. The Crush rose gallantly to the occasion and attempted to cheer me up, encourage me and so on.

Let’s have dinner, I declared impetuously after a while. I feel lousy.


But I made sure we had a chaperone, another friendly face to make things friendly.

So dinner with two young men saved the first half of the night.

*

Part Two was supper with SS that saw us talking past 5am this morning.

*

I’m not alone in my occasional delusion, misguided idealism, sad cynicism and disillusionment.

*

Well. Today is but another day. Like The Crush said, take it as impeding ORD.


I honestly find The Crush so cool. I forgive him for not having the usual height, and the absent veins and dimples.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Dream A Little Dream For Me

I’m still sick but after taking off 1.5 inches of hair and layering, layering, layering, I feel light and refreshed. My new brows contributed to my sense of well-being too. I walked purposefully to Browhaus for threading, after the haircut and I must say impulse decisions do not always result in unhappiness. In this instance, I’m pleased as pie. Or punch. Well, whatever.

*

I’m totally bowled over by Eason. He has this serious, intense, searing look when he is taking passionately about music to you. Very charismatic man who is completely unaware of the devastating effects he has on people. He is appallingly nice too. Despite a grueling day of media activities, he was concerned about me, little me!

Me: *croak* (yes, my voice was gonna abandon me any time)
blah blah blah see you later

Eason: *in impeccable British English* Are you sick - you sound very bad. Go and rest okay.


And that’s not all. The next day:

Eason: *while posing for a photo shoot* did you just wake up?

Me: err….yeah! (Ha! Actually no, but I think my hair was tousled enough to pass off)

Eason: You feeling better today?


Can die right. He remembers my name somemore. Oh, how disarmingly charming he is.

He is genuine, like totally. No airs, no pretences.

Eating at the same table, sitting behind him in the car, I breathe Eason.

Cool :)




The mock moody pianist playing for me

These are the things I hold on to when the future fogs up. I’m not in this for the money. I, too, really like what I’m doing. There’s a big overarching meaningful story that I’m part of, shaping and directing. I’m fulfilling many people’s dreams.

And my own dream? I have waited a few years, what more a few months. But I like to think whatever I’m doing now is also fulfilling, in some small way, that dream of mine.