Surviving Betrayal: The How-Tos Otherwise Titled Ode to Two Year Anniversary: Words From A Survivor
1) One should always react coolly and nonchalantly in the presence of the treacherous being, especially when the very bizarre news is broken to you in person. Yes, even when he catches you by surprise and deals you a wallop, please respond with utmost dignity. This is particularly so if you sense his actions were all carefully staged, and, his words, chosen with malicious intent. He, desperate, and perhaps confused, throwing all usual caution and character to the bustling winds, attempts to bleed a confession out of you in what he would never foresee as the last of all meetings. But that’s nothing to confess, as I would protest, like how there’s nothing between us.
2) Be serene, even if it means embracing denial and deceit then, for the wisdom of hindsight would show you were telling the truth. Never give him the satisfaction. Never. He must never know how damaging that was, even if harm was momentary.
3) Delete all sms-es. Delete his number from your mobile. Doesn’t work if he’s like Mr Veins, whose digits you know by heart. But he’s not Mr Veins, and the whole physical dumping of all that was his lets you revel in an absence. More crucially, when temporary regret sets in, there’s really nothing you can do.
4) When he dares to sms, be taken aback by the strange number. Be appalled by the easy and intimate manner he professes to understand you still and addresses you by. Do not save his number. Delete immediately. If need be, reply in a cold and curt tone and he will give up after a few tries. Do this only if you are absolutely sure you do not wish to stay friends. And really, why should you.
5) Feel anger; feel rage; feel the fury first and foremost when betrayed. Approach sadness and wretchedness secondary. Hit the roof.
6) Tell close friends about it. Tell the same story to a different person who knows about your history with him for five consecutive nights. Analyse. Wonder. Ask why rhetorically. Then be tired of the whole thing. You will be at the end of the period.
7) Weep a little. Let it be over your stupidity, bad judgment and wasted time. It’s not about him. Try to tell yourself that.
8) He was only my intellectual whore. Tell yourself that.
9) You are a substitute. Say it to his face. Six months later, I realized I was telling the truth after all. Yes, being mean helps. Utter utterly crushing remarks. See 2)
So. Decide whether you want to stay friends and choose the appropriate response. If it were up to me, I will cross out this person entirely from my life for being horribly presumptuous and drunk enough without drinking anything to flatter his ego at my expense. And for treating another, so stoically forgiving who has longer and deeper history, badly and worse too.
Sometimes life is fair, and offers consolation in other ways. You heard about the insecure girlfriend who probes mutual friends regarding what has transpired so many months later. Then there’s the ultimate social faux pas committed in gatherings, the assumption of former formal togetherness (that never was) spoken aloud in front of the insecure one. You hear, and you are glad. That some people were foolish enough to think so, still, when there’s never anything more. Your problem, if you can’t inspire confidence.
10) Listen to these 2 songs. They can be very therapeutic, depending on your mood. 陈小春's 算你狠 is excellent to fan the flames of disgust, directed at him and yourself. I swear by the beat and vehemence (Why do you think I do such an excellent rendition of it in KTVs) I've heard it countless and I feel better after each replay. Best listened in the throes of angst and anger as a form of release:
一看到你我就想到过去
就立刻让我血冲到脑子里去
我的心里只会永远的恨你
你跟别人吃香又喝辣去丢
我一个人在这里吹冷空气
我会活得很好真的没关系
On the other hand, I reserve 梁静茹's 第三者for more mellowed moods, like now and the aftermath, when I can shrug off the whole thing and it's put firmly behind me. Or rather, take it as an experience that made me a stronger and better person. I wou'dn't say mature, though:
你的话我晓得 无论你说得多么温
和某一些难解的隔阂 把爱伤害了那多不值得
没什么好怪的 我已经乏力继续拉扯
没有谁非爱谁不可 就算变心了 也非罪不可赦
她只是最最无辜的第三者 就算她消失此刻
告诉我能得回什么呢 责怪她又凭什么呢
她只是无意闯入的第三者 我们之间的困难
在她出现之前就有了 虽然我愤怒但是我明白的
把过错让她去背着 那是不对的
hey女孩你听着 所有爱情都有竞争者
我不妒忌你们快乐 虽然我人生因此有曲折
他还是不错的 我们的选择不是巧合
你用青春大胆假设 我去将失去活成一种获得
It has been a breeze living life without the companionship. The weaning off was relatively effortless, since the knowing part was at best 6 months. So life is kind. I try to save the better memories that he failed to blemish. For better and worse, there's you. And there's the thesis, which i remain quite convinced he's my knight in that sense. Without him, the dinners and long night walks from orchard through Bugis and beyond (I didn't want to go home so soon and face an ailing paper), I would never have completed the work. And with the thesis done, his part and play in my life is aptly over.
Would I attend the wedding? I doubt I will be invited, really. The bride may object, you know.
2) Be serene, even if it means embracing denial and deceit then, for the wisdom of hindsight would show you were telling the truth. Never give him the satisfaction. Never. He must never know how damaging that was, even if harm was momentary.
3) Delete all sms-es. Delete his number from your mobile. Doesn’t work if he’s like Mr Veins, whose digits you know by heart. But he’s not Mr Veins, and the whole physical dumping of all that was his lets you revel in an absence. More crucially, when temporary regret sets in, there’s really nothing you can do.
4) When he dares to sms, be taken aback by the strange number. Be appalled by the easy and intimate manner he professes to understand you still and addresses you by. Do not save his number. Delete immediately. If need be, reply in a cold and curt tone and he will give up after a few tries. Do this only if you are absolutely sure you do not wish to stay friends. And really, why should you.
5) Feel anger; feel rage; feel the fury first and foremost when betrayed. Approach sadness and wretchedness secondary. Hit the roof.
6) Tell close friends about it. Tell the same story to a different person who knows about your history with him for five consecutive nights. Analyse. Wonder. Ask why rhetorically. Then be tired of the whole thing. You will be at the end of the period.
7) Weep a little. Let it be over your stupidity, bad judgment and wasted time. It’s not about him. Try to tell yourself that.
8) He was only my intellectual whore. Tell yourself that.
9) You are a substitute. Say it to his face. Six months later, I realized I was telling the truth after all. Yes, being mean helps. Utter utterly crushing remarks. See 2)
So. Decide whether you want to stay friends and choose the appropriate response. If it were up to me, I will cross out this person entirely from my life for being horribly presumptuous and drunk enough without drinking anything to flatter his ego at my expense. And for treating another, so stoically forgiving who has longer and deeper history, badly and worse too.
Sometimes life is fair, and offers consolation in other ways. You heard about the insecure girlfriend who probes mutual friends regarding what has transpired so many months later. Then there’s the ultimate social faux pas committed in gatherings, the assumption of former formal togetherness (that never was) spoken aloud in front of the insecure one. You hear, and you are glad. That some people were foolish enough to think so, still, when there’s never anything more. Your problem, if you can’t inspire confidence.
10) Listen to these 2 songs. They can be very therapeutic, depending on your mood. 陈小春's 算你狠 is excellent to fan the flames of disgust, directed at him and yourself. I swear by the beat and vehemence (Why do you think I do such an excellent rendition of it in KTVs) I've heard it countless and I feel better after each replay. Best listened in the throes of angst and anger as a form of release:
一看到你我就想到过去
就立刻让我血冲到脑子里去
我的心里只会永远的恨你
你跟别人吃香又喝辣去丢
我一个人在这里吹冷空气
我会活得很好真的没关系
On the other hand, I reserve 梁静茹's 第三者for more mellowed moods, like now and the aftermath, when I can shrug off the whole thing and it's put firmly behind me. Or rather, take it as an experience that made me a stronger and better person. I wou'dn't say mature, though:
你的话我晓得 无论你说得多么温
和某一些难解的隔阂 把爱伤害了那多不值得
没什么好怪的 我已经乏力继续拉扯
没有谁非爱谁不可 就算变心了 也非罪不可赦
她只是最最无辜的第三者 就算她消失此刻
告诉我能得回什么呢 责怪她又凭什么呢
她只是无意闯入的第三者 我们之间的困难
在她出现之前就有了 虽然我愤怒但是我明白的
把过错让她去背着 那是不对的
hey女孩你听着 所有爱情都有竞争者
我不妒忌你们快乐 虽然我人生因此有曲折
他还是不错的 我们的选择不是巧合
你用青春大胆假设 我去将失去活成一种获得
It has been a breeze living life without the companionship. The weaning off was relatively effortless, since the knowing part was at best 6 months. So life is kind. I try to save the better memories that he failed to blemish. For better and worse, there's you. And there's the thesis, which i remain quite convinced he's my knight in that sense. Without him, the dinners and long night walks from orchard through Bugis and beyond (I didn't want to go home so soon and face an ailing paper), I would never have completed the work. And with the thesis done, his part and play in my life is aptly over.
Would I attend the wedding? I doubt I will be invited, really. The bride may object, you know.
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