我说往事借过

我以为遗忘就可以让人摆脱伤痛 最后是梦想被赶走
那阵风 吹过 吹痛我的耳朵 它说它只是路过

My lawyer, Jonathan, called to remind me of something I‘ve owed him and his senior partner for an embarrassingly long time (it’s not money). We soon deviated to more informal talk, for Jonathan is but slightly older than me and by nature, enthusiastic, and pleasant.

We started chatting about the hazards of lawyer-ing.

Jonathan: I try to leave the office by 8 pm on a good day,

Me: You are not serious! Do you have a social life?

Jonathan: On weekends - I do my best. But actually, no.

I don’t understand why lawyers have to work so late. I guess their best is very poorly indeed.

找不到让我心跳乱了节奏的凶手 我亲口答应让他走
抬起头 看那荒芜的天空 青春是否燃烧过 眼泪是否流过 别问我

I suppose it’s the same for prosecutors, if not worse.

It’s nice to surmise that Mr Veins is still so preoccupied with work through a third party peer (Jonathan’s firm was recommended by Mr Veins upon knowing I need legal aid that he can’t take on, and Jonathan himself was his classmate from law school), ever since I’ve decided to pointedly ignore his ignoring of my ignoring him in a socially faux pas manner.

我说往事借过 他并不够爱我 我根本无从选择
我只是平凡渺小虚荣 拒绝心痛 不甘势弱
我说往事借过 草率无知懵懂 也不算滔天的错

But this is such useless, heartless observation, for we have more or less quietly decided on our own to throw the selves into work, and let the whatever run its course (its only course) to death. Especially after yours truly’s rude brush with suspicious characters who seem determined to assassinate to outdo the competition.

*

My Favourite Broadway Leading Ladies, like this year’s Dim Sum Dollies, was largely forgettable and strangely lacklustre.

I was, embarrassingly so, first in line to have my program signed.

*

I said no to invites for Stacey Kent and the closing of the leading ladies. I have already bought (yes, spend money instead of accepting or wrangling invites from people who love me) tickets to Betrayal, and it is a play I really want to catch. Nevertheless, it makes me feel bad to say no despite having a perfectly valid reason. I don’t like to turn people down.

*

I was introduced to a colleague’s boyfriend today and the three of us took the tube to the city heart. The couple was very physically affectionate despite being older than me by a few years.

It made me think.

Seriously, you know what, we are a sad group of repressed people. I try to envisage people I know in such acts of endearment and it makes me laugh. Sorry. Can this be SAP-related?

*

I asked why, a generic form of why even when asked in the case of a context-specific

He-who-is-not-He replied Doesn’t have to be a why. Can be tons of why. Can be no single why. End of the day isn’t it intuition?

That’s the thing. I no longer have faith in my intuition where this is concerned.

Put it this way, intuitively, I know my intuition may fail me.