Of The Leaving That Leavens

So World has run ahead of Word. The NKF trial/scandal (far more insidious, egregious and flagrant than previously thought possible) is over before I had a chance to run it through and, perhaps, most probably, down. I wanted to say something more about stellar scholarships vs silly, sad scholars, of the pseudo egalitarianism, mock elitism and impossible equality drawn from the view inside but that would have to wait. Then we have bombs and hacks. The volatile and violent happens everyday, but not the blogging. So let me go back to myself first, and the rest shall come in time, if not in this post.

We paid in full for the trip to take place next weekend today. With that, the nebulous plan of leaving filled out. Amazing, if you consider how we have been thinking and talking about it since April. But the fidgety academic and the frothing media-mic have serious incompatible issues when it comes to picking a good time (even if all are scholar-ly enough). We finally nailed down the date last Saturday and the venue on Wednesday.

Minxiu, Meihui and myself (M.A.M) will be at Rawa. Initially, all three couldn’t quite decide on where to head, apart from the unified chortles of 随便 lar - just somewhere along the lines of the idyllic and unspoiled (which I read as uncivilised nature, winsomely untamed) and relatively un-crowded, to bum and chill and just be, in general, away from the dreadfulness that is life in Singapore.

So we played it safe originally and planned to check out Bali. Then on the same day, I came across the Selena Tan’s article in Life! that raved about her experience in Rawa. And it all came flooding back. Instead of calling up the agencies (we had split the agencies amongst us to gun for a better deal) for Bali prices, I trawled The Net for agencies that do Rawa. Then I made my presentation to my would-be travel companions, and the rest is clichéd history.

It is definitely a gamble to go there. Minxiu and Meihui have never heard of the place prior to this. My knowledge is limited, apart of the fact that it is a nature paradise away prying eyes. There is not that much information on the island either. But the pictures are pretty. They calm me. I hope the place has that cleansing and deeper effects on me when I reach there, all ready to be purged of senseless desires and city sins.

Ruth was the one who introduced Rawa to me. We wanted to be here 4 years ago, but we went to Langkawi in the end.

I’m really happy to leave. Only I am in the clear about the significance and magnitude of such a gesture. How the physical departure mirrors my determination to let it down and is a reflection of things to come. I always believe in the pre-emptive.

For geographically apart is one thing, because Singapore is so small, and the useless mind, far too narrow and petty to make way for another. It’s leaving that holds the key to a fuller presence.

If I can leave here, I can leave him too.

If I can go Rawa on my own, I can go anywhere on my own.You know the sort. Little meaningless actions replete with so much meaning, and justification, that only yourself would appreciate.

忽然之间 天昏地暗
世界可以忽然什么都没有

我想起了你 再想到自己
我为什么总在非常脆弱的时候 怀念你

我明白太放不开你的爱 太熟悉你的关怀
分不开 想你算是安慰还是悲哀
而现在 就算时针都停摆 就算生命像尘埃
分不开 我们也许反而更相信爱