If I had come across this earlier, say 9 months ago, I would have told He-Who-Asked-Have-You-Ever-Liked-Me at the most inappropriate circumstances imaginable (and thereby stunning me into a stunning silence) with dignity and aplomb (and rolling eyes): You are my intellectual whore. After (failing) which we would both have a quiet, thankful laugh and friendship would prevail over embarrassment and awkwardness. Admitting that one is a substitute and to add further partially out of spite and indignation that one is not a very good one either after being inevitably led to conclude that as the only way to exit can't be very helpful.
Still, the intellectual whore can be seen as a substitute, although substitutes are not intellectual whores since the latter refers to guys that I, based on the theory, would not have sex with. So correction, I guess it would have been less off-tangent to qualify the person as I.W. Would keep this in mind should paths cross again.
Intellectual whores refer to males. But can there be a female version of the intellectual whore? ie friends to the guy only without sex or sexual desire coming into chaotic play? Only applicable in 3 cases apparently:
(1)The guy is gay
(2)The guy does not find you attractive.
(3)The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Which is interesting if we could discuss meaningfully and *honestly* with male friends the validity of the theory hor. Got volunteers??
Anyway, I started wondering if I could be the female version of the I.W to You-Know-Who. Preposterous! The very idea of it! Not that I'm great (even if I am) but seriously, we don't talk that much, have zilch in common mainly etc etc. Bearing in mind a useful and pretty scuccinct (okay lar) definition of I.W is:
person A is an intellectual whore to person B if person A wants to shag person B and person B will not shag person A but keeps person A around for entertainment, emotional support etc...
OBVIOUSLY I HAVE NO GOOD IDEA WHY HE IS KEEPING ME AROUND. So I can't be the female I.W to him because there is no indication what I'm good at all for in his eyes if not for, you know, that. It's clear the gentleman has no need of me as an emotional crutch (he has never talked about other women, or men), lunching/dining buddy whatsoever, and therefore confusing since I have no real status, not even that of an I.W.
(Maybe he is really gay. But as mutual friends have wrung hands in exasperations, it has been pointed out in all fairness, he's as gay as I'm les. Oh well. More confusion then. If he's straight, if I'm not I.W to him, what is me????)
But he is sometimes here because I don't know if there's anyone else. And he's okay as a friend, just odd in his behaviour, like everything.
So basically, the thesis argues that there can be no real friendship between the opposite sexes. Which, for people who have heard me expounding on my guys-and-girls-can-never-be-just-friends theory, would read some similarities.
Quite fun reading for A-DAY-IN-WHICH-NOTHING-HAPPENS.
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Still, the intellectual whore can be seen as a substitute, although substitutes are not intellectual whores since the latter refers to guys that I, based on the theory, would not have sex with. So correction, I guess it would have been less off-tangent to qualify the person as I.W. Would keep this in mind should paths cross again.
Intellectual whores refer to males. But can there be a female version of the intellectual whore? ie friends to the guy only without sex or sexual desire coming into chaotic play? Only applicable in 3 cases apparently:
(1)The guy is gay
(2)The guy does not find you attractive.
(3)The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Which is interesting if we could discuss meaningfully and *honestly* with male friends the validity of the theory hor. Got volunteers??
Anyway, I started wondering if I could be the female version of the I.W to You-Know-Who. Preposterous! The very idea of it! Not that I'm great (even if I am) but seriously, we don't talk that much, have zilch in common mainly etc etc. Bearing in mind a useful and pretty scuccinct (okay lar) definition of I.W is:
person A is an intellectual whore to person B if person A wants to shag person B and person B will not shag person A but keeps person A around for entertainment, emotional support etc...
OBVIOUSLY I HAVE NO GOOD IDEA WHY HE IS KEEPING ME AROUND. So I can't be the female I.W to him because there is no indication what I'm good at all for in his eyes if not for, you know, that. It's clear the gentleman has no need of me as an emotional crutch (he has never talked about other women, or men), lunching/dining buddy whatsoever, and therefore confusing since I have no real status, not even that of an I.W.
(Maybe he is really gay. But as mutual friends have wrung hands in exasperations, it has been pointed out in all fairness, he's as gay as I'm les. Oh well. More confusion then. If he's straight, if I'm not I.W to him, what is me????)
But he is sometimes here because I don't know if there's anyone else. And he's okay as a friend, just odd in his behaviour, like everything.
So basically, the thesis argues that there can be no real friendship between the opposite sexes. Which, for people who have heard me expounding on my guys-and-girls-can-never-be-just-friends theory, would read some similarities.
Quite fun reading for A-DAY-IN-WHICH-NOTHING-HAPPENS.
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home