I thought I would plagiarise myself. An excerpt (revised) from an email to a dear friend:
A lot of times people forget my obsessive need to analyse MY OWN SITUATION to death. And I try to control, not very well but I do what I can. BUT, you had to quite flippantly "solve" my issues. I don't need solutions so quick. I MUST ANALYSE TO DEATH FIRST. Yeah, I know it's only a blog comment but expanding upon this, even when we talk in general, i don't think you quite fill/understand my own need to obsess over my private burdens that are very huge and heavy to me.
Like I need to talk about the he who traumatises me so etc etc, and I need to obsess over why he bothers to meet me alone again and again doing stupid things. Every new date provides data to ponder and brood over darkly. J ust telling me he's weird and move on, to cut my losses is NOT, NEVER ENOUGH. That I also know. But, repeat after me, I MUST ANALYSE TO DEATH FIRST. And yes, sometimes I do think it's very unfair here I am, not dismissing your burdens and helping you to explore to death, whereas for you, you just give me less than 5 mins worth of feedback which mainly consists of telling me he's weird and I gotta move on. And even for the other guy, I dun need bashing. I need you to analyse his every gesture. That was what I needed and craved always, and especially most when I typed those two long emails to you immediately. which of course, you just bash and din...analyse. Sigh. Yup. I know it's not easy being my friend. But just remember my obsessive need to analyse and you can't go too wrong.
So it's times like this, when you and other girlfriends neglect my needs and the others who never quite fulfil it, that I truly long for that person's company again. He never stops analysing my complex relationship and complex me. He uncovers the layers and layers of complexities, so that I dun burst from thinking too much and keeping to myself too much. I'm sorry eventually he left me ‘coz he got sick of looking for me and pulling me out (he eventually concluded I just keep hiding behind layers and he would never find me) because I have never found anyone so willing, so zi4dong4 and so eager to fill my needs so adequately again. Yes, I miss my therapist. That's the real reason why I start a blog, you know. I don't think any of my best/gd friends now can fill my need to obsessively analyse. With my blog, I can type all the crazy rubbish that I do and I dun ever need to talk to ppl about it in the way I desire and be upset that they can't respond properly and adequately. The blog is my catharsis.
I don’t need advice. Not so quick, pls. Try to analyse together with me first if you wish to be helpful. I don’t want to bore you or get irritate with your reactions and responses. So I blog. Just a rain check for my other friends if they want to make me happier. Sigh. It's so easy to be depressed. If I bore you and analysing is not neither your forte nor tea, then let's do frivolous, brainless things like shopping to ease my pain and the addiction to obsessing. Quite simple, huh.
A lot of times people forget my obsessive need to analyse MY OWN SITUATION to death. And I try to control, not very well but I do what I can. BUT, you had to quite flippantly "solve" my issues. I don't need solutions so quick. I MUST ANALYSE TO DEATH FIRST. Yeah, I know it's only a blog comment but expanding upon this, even when we talk in general, i don't think you quite fill/understand my own need to obsess over my private burdens that are very huge and heavy to me.
Like I need to talk about the he who traumatises me so etc etc, and I need to obsess over why he bothers to meet me alone again and again doing stupid things. Every new date provides data to ponder and brood over darkly. J ust telling me he's weird and move on, to cut my losses is NOT, NEVER ENOUGH. That I also know. But, repeat after me, I MUST ANALYSE TO DEATH FIRST. And yes, sometimes I do think it's very unfair here I am, not dismissing your burdens and helping you to explore to death, whereas for you, you just give me less than 5 mins worth of feedback which mainly consists of telling me he's weird and I gotta move on. And even for the other guy, I dun need bashing. I need you to analyse his every gesture. That was what I needed and craved always, and especially most when I typed those two long emails to you immediately. which of course, you just bash and din...analyse. Sigh. Yup. I know it's not easy being my friend. But just remember my obsessive need to analyse and you can't go too wrong.
So it's times like this, when you and other girlfriends neglect my needs and the others who never quite fulfil it, that I truly long for that person's company again. He never stops analysing my complex relationship and complex me. He uncovers the layers and layers of complexities, so that I dun burst from thinking too much and keeping to myself too much. I'm sorry eventually he left me ‘coz he got sick of looking for me and pulling me out (he eventually concluded I just keep hiding behind layers and he would never find me) because I have never found anyone so willing, so zi4dong4 and so eager to fill my needs so adequately again. Yes, I miss my therapist. That's the real reason why I start a blog, you know. I don't think any of my best/gd friends now can fill my need to obsessively analyse. With my blog, I can type all the crazy rubbish that I do and I dun ever need to talk to ppl about it in the way I desire and be upset that they can't respond properly and adequately. The blog is my catharsis.
I don’t need advice. Not so quick, pls. Try to analyse together with me first if you wish to be helpful. I don’t want to bore you or get irritate with your reactions and responses. So I blog. Just a rain check for my other friends if they want to make me happier. Sigh. It's so easy to be depressed. If I bore you and analysing is not neither your forte nor tea, then let's do frivolous, brainless things like shopping to ease my pain and the addiction to obsessing. Quite simple, huh.
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