And finally, half an hour prior to meeting my friend, I concluded blithely that he has a girlfriend who is staying in Tampines and he wants us to meet. Hence, the travelling all the way from Ang Mo Kio on his end. Ah, theories, theories.

Unhappily, I was proven wrong. It wouldn't have been so bad, I like to think, had it turned out like this. I'm sick of status quo; sick of wondering if I ought to date/consider others; obsessing if this is an unspoken, exclusive, ridiculous relationship; sick of hating myself for feeling petty, boliao, insane, possessive, guilty (when I try to delete him from my life); I'm damn sick of piling crazy theories on friends ever since we decide to meet, again.

We took the bus to Changi. Turned out we are going to Changi. At first, I thought he meant Changi Village. Well, apparently, I forgot his need and ability to surprise. Okay, we ended up in Changi beach club (I think).

The bus trip was okay. We were communicating well (surprise! Communicating properly has always been a problem given his steadfast commitment to non-committal answers to the simplest of questions like, perhaps so;may be; that could be it etc etc. I know, why do I bother but there I go again...). At least, this time, he bothered to give clues and I made an effort to guess enthusiastically. It's a start lar. This reads really odd but sorries, the two of us are pathetic; it's an improvement. Then there were the usual irreverent teasing remarks like: we will walk through very dark places, you know, you know. And I roll my eyes and pretend to go "whatever."

Anyway, where we dine (the bottom right picture resembles it) was near that "hotline" birthday chalet (courtesy of my year's committee and myself) . So hmm, okay so it has a beach view, sand and waves, and horrible love songs like MLTR's Take Me To Your Heart (the English wen3 bie2 !?) and acceptable ones like The Power of Love and Making Love Out Of Nothing At All.

And it's open-air!!! Yuck. Now I don't have anything against al fresco but it was warm and I just need to be warned, and mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of heat waves. To his credit, he tried to move us to a cooler place, and one with more privacy, and asked at the end of it if I felt better. Okay. Still, lighting was harsh and unkind, and food wasn't anything to rave about.

I felt hot and sticky in my office wear. But what happened thereafter was rather unforgivable. See, I had the luxury of going off early today (from work) and it was my intention to go hme and change into shorts before seeing him. I told him that I will just go back since my place is so near and he assured me it's okay to wear what I was wearing.

So here I am, in my black top and pants and heels and the dear man, insists on walking, walking, walking after dinner. I protested feebly, part of me thinking this can't be true; he will be more understanding; probably it's just for a while. Another me went, okay, I'm asking for it, let's see where going along with it takes me.

Well, it took me a long walking distance. I got so exasperated 15 mins into the expedition that I took off my heels and walked barefooted for at least 3km on sand, on the bridges, on concrete. And I told him that he should have let me go home and change if this was what he had in mind. I'm all hot and bothered and uncomfortable. And he said very good, now you can exercise and burn calories. Okay, whatever. I can walk but i need proper shoes and shorts okay. Selfish. Horrid. It wasn't even a romantic slow walk, mind you. We walked relatively fast (upped the ouch factor for my much shorter legs and much smaller feet).

He saw me walking on naked feet and decided to do the same. Quits? Maybe.
But. Still.

He made me walk and walk. And my feet hurt quite badly now.

I was tired and hot when we took the bus back hme. But I attempted to make conversation. He was silent and gave one word replies.

Hello? Like I've been gd and accomodating, can't you at least perform till the curtain falls? Have you exhausted all your energy??? What about poor me?

I'm sick of facing your sudden stone-ness and sick, sick of your silence, sick of status quo, you hear me!!!

If you can't stop your shit and silence, let it be status quo forever!!

I can live with that. Just. Say. It. I don't want it to be an uncertain status quo. I don't want, hate, hate, hate. If we are going somewhere, then pls articulate it.

Unwittingly witty exchange of the night:

He: This is a dead end.

Me: But we are still going to walk here?

He: Yes.

Holy shit. Now, excuse me while I nurse my feet and attempt an indignant, frustrated sleep.