I shopped for 1.5hs post work on Friday at Orchard, Far East alone. I need time to think, and to focus, on getting at least two pairs of very fitting jeans which I did!! I was happy for a while, then I was just quite cheerful.
*
Heavy downpour. He said he'll get the umbrella. He's really very kind to slant the entire umbrella in my direction so that I don't get wet at all; constantly mindful of the slippery, watery areas; aware of my inclination to take small steps and pace his walk accordingly; concerned over my being a tad too close to the roads, to the speeding cars for his comfort. It floods back by-now neutral memories at least 3 years old of a time I had to be shuttled to and fro (and sheltered) under an umbrella with someone just as tall but never so thoughtful. Still, I figure very tall guys appeal to me due to this Umbrella Phenomenon. It's a very nice feeling to stand/walk in the rain with a Very Tall Guy and Umbrella in Tow. With shorter guys, take my word for it, you don't feel anything at all.
The stranger sang a theme
From someone else’s dream
The leaves began to fall
And no one spoke at all
But I can’t seem to recall
When you came along
Ingenue
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
I think Someone must have been treated me quite badly, or the really considerate (in all the super little things) men are not quite known to me (either that, or considerate men are always non-Singaporeans). Just take dessert for example. I was actually having fun trying to pierce my peach lookalike ice-cream and my companion gallantly inquired if he could break up the fruit on my behalf in no time. Well, no thanks, I like it this way. It's not like it's steak or whatever, but then again, I can't recall any of my other guy friends being on such good behaviour, be it steak or ice-cream, whether the inquiry itself corny or crappily old-fashioned is irrelevant. I happen to have preference for the quaint and old-fashioned gallantry.
Such a comparison always nurses a private agenda. To minus points from a certain person in question, which is not a difficult thing to do. I just dun understand how come he is never in the negative even after four years. Looking at my companion's hands as he attempts to explain why playing the guitar hurts (but you get numbed and used to it after you acquired familiarity with the pain threshold apparently), I was fascinated by my own lack of fascination with his big, artistic hands (hands and veins, woah!). But of course not. They were not his hands. If he were the one gesturing and showing me exactly where his calluses are, I will be intrigued. Possibly reaching out to feel for them only too gladly, and grateful for the brief contact. As it was, at that moment, such were the meta-thoughts running through my mind and I just only looked in resignation at The Hands, depressed over the lack of desire and the non-treacherous thoughts.
The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can’t seem to forget
When you came along
Ingenue
Wise, handsome Eka said Love is a commitment (and I boo-ed and poo-ed) a year ago. A year later, I extend his simple philosophy a bit further: Love is a commitment you can't help making. That's my take on Love now, or to be more precise, my take on the closest thing that I experienced that I feel should be the closest that come to Love, and I may be a long way off.
I can't help feeling a bit duh at myself when I try to move on, move away, basically just bolt from this wholly uncomfortable situation. Theoretically, I have no strings attached, I'm free. But everytime I kind of meet someone or something, an irrational feeling of guilt (ranging from mild to moody) emerges. This bizarre notion of accountability is something I have yet to figure out. Obviously, I don't have to be accountable for anything or anyone; so why the guilt (hence its unbearably irrational of being). I dun have to commit to someone who has yet to express. That would be extremely silly. But there I go. I just feel quite down sometimes after a simple night out with someone else. It's a cross between guilt of making use of a someone to fill up the gaps and guilt of the unfaithful, that I resorted to going out with another someone (when I'm too proud to demand for a date). Why am I so fidel for a person not in an exclusive relationship? It's hateful; it's humbling, and I cannot help it.
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
*
Heavy downpour. He said he'll get the umbrella. He's really very kind to slant the entire umbrella in my direction so that I don't get wet at all; constantly mindful of the slippery, watery areas; aware of my inclination to take small steps and pace his walk accordingly; concerned over my being a tad too close to the roads, to the speeding cars for his comfort. It floods back by-now neutral memories at least 3 years old of a time I had to be shuttled to and fro (and sheltered) under an umbrella with someone just as tall but never so thoughtful. Still, I figure very tall guys appeal to me due to this Umbrella Phenomenon. It's a very nice feeling to stand/walk in the rain with a Very Tall Guy and Umbrella in Tow. With shorter guys, take my word for it, you don't feel anything at all.
The stranger sang a theme
From someone else’s dream
The leaves began to fall
And no one spoke at all
But I can’t seem to recall
When you came along
Ingenue
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
I think Someone must have been treated me quite badly, or the really considerate (in all the super little things) men are not quite known to me (either that, or considerate men are always non-Singaporeans). Just take dessert for example. I was actually having fun trying to pierce my peach lookalike ice-cream and my companion gallantly inquired if he could break up the fruit on my behalf in no time. Well, no thanks, I like it this way. It's not like it's steak or whatever, but then again, I can't recall any of my other guy friends being on such good behaviour, be it steak or ice-cream, whether the inquiry itself corny or crappily old-fashioned is irrelevant. I happen to have preference for the quaint and old-fashioned gallantry.
Such a comparison always nurses a private agenda. To minus points from a certain person in question, which is not a difficult thing to do. I just dun understand how come he is never in the negative even after four years. Looking at my companion's hands as he attempts to explain why playing the guitar hurts (but you get numbed and used to it after you acquired familiarity with the pain threshold apparently), I was fascinated by my own lack of fascination with his big, artistic hands (hands and veins, woah!). But of course not. They were not his hands. If he were the one gesturing and showing me exactly where his calluses are, I will be intrigued. Possibly reaching out to feel for them only too gladly, and grateful for the brief contact. As it was, at that moment, such were the meta-thoughts running through my mind and I just only looked in resignation at The Hands, depressed over the lack of desire and the non-treacherous thoughts.
The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can’t seem to forget
When you came along
Ingenue
Wise, handsome Eka said Love is a commitment (and I boo-ed and poo-ed) a year ago. A year later, I extend his simple philosophy a bit further: Love is a commitment you can't help making. That's my take on Love now, or to be more precise, my take on the closest thing that I experienced that I feel should be the closest that come to Love, and I may be a long way off.
I can't help feeling a bit duh at myself when I try to move on, move away, basically just bolt from this wholly uncomfortable situation. Theoretically, I have no strings attached, I'm free. But everytime I kind of meet someone or something, an irrational feeling of guilt (ranging from mild to moody) emerges. This bizarre notion of accountability is something I have yet to figure out. Obviously, I don't have to be accountable for anything or anyone; so why the guilt (hence its unbearably irrational of being). I dun have to commit to someone who has yet to express. That would be extremely silly. But there I go. I just feel quite down sometimes after a simple night out with someone else. It's a cross between guilt of making use of a someone to fill up the gaps and guilt of the unfaithful, that I resorted to going out with another someone (when I'm too proud to demand for a date). Why am I so fidel for a person not in an exclusive relationship? It's hateful; it's humbling, and I cannot help it.
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do
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