The DBF

In relation to the last post, unfortunately, for The Future Boyfriend whoever and wherever he is, Deputy Best Friend has upped stakes and standards. Deputy Best Friend is a planner and initiator so he has pre-booked me for the last day of 2007 even before the HK trip. I did consider for the briefest of moments what if some other guy I like were to ask me out but hell, that guy is too slow so he deserves to be rejected. Guys should really 打铁趁热 or 趁火打劫 and just act on things. I'm glad Deputy Best Friend is not some nua nua guy so that at least I can still use him as a semi-shining example (semi, cos I haven't actually seen him interacting with an official girlfriend before. He could be The Boyfriend From Hell when not in a platonic relationship).

So we are going to Via Mar @Esplanade to do a late pigout and count down there. Foreplay would be a movie and gasp, a possible visit to some spa (wah, Deputy Best Friend is the only friend amongst my posse who would suggess massage and stuff and goes for foot reflexology sessions regularly) and some ad hoc activities that we can afford to slot in. We can dress nice nice and not suffer the ta-glam indignities of attempting to hail a cab because he's borrowing the family car. Whee!! And my own personal high would derive from opening the advance birthday gift he has selected from IFC in HK upon my stern instructions of no books, no CDs, no DVDs - preferably something pretty and screams me that's wearable. Oh, The Future Boyfriend, please appear soon so that you have less to live up to :)

Anyway, all this flattering (and pretty sincere!) talk about Deputy Best Friend is also to make up for a long overdue thank you post for his nine days of hospitality and companionship in Hong Kong that I know he has been waiting for. Isn't it amazing how we (you and I ) manage to lead separate lives for four years with no contact at all only to hang out profusely again now? I've mellowed and you've matured but we are still as wry and acerbic and amusing and entertaining together as ever.

I present you Deputy Best Friend. Very eligible. Occasionally angsty. Easy to coax. Tough to coerce (lawyer by training mah). Does not need batteries to operate. Can feed, can wash, can clean after himself (how attractive is that!!).

Us in Lamma Island, Hong Kong.



Us, in Dirty Duck Diner, Wanchai, Hong Kong.


Candid romance shot of Deputy Best Friend in Shek O


Best Friend, Myself & Deputy Best Friend
doing the 自拍. I must say for someone who doesn't
自拍 on a frequent basis (if at all), Deputy Best Friend
has good aiming.


But back to Hong Kong: I din shop as much as your average visitor. But I love the outlying islands like Lamma & Lantau lots lots.While HK was somewhat like Tokyo, I was never truly comfortable or at ease because of my inability to communicate in Cantonese (even the basic escapes me). So I write in Chinese characters or rely entirely on the efforts of Best Friend & Deputy Best Friend when there's a need to ask for directions. Felt helpless and it's not something I like to feel. So gimme Japan anytime!

I must confess too that apart from congee, it's my conviction that the cuisine in Singapore surpasses that of HK in general - even the dim sum and the 烧腊. It's not blasphemy but truth that I found out myself ok. But I digress.

So my heartfelt thanks to Deputy Best Friend for being here, there and everywhere, for your being warm, ardent and passionate, for having initiative, energy and drive, for having all these qualities in quantities that surpass possibly even mine, to make me feel less alone in a world where most people are cold, unthinking, bochup and busy. I hope you never falter and stay winsome. Now if you would allow for a modicum of unpredictability to seep insidiously into your life, perhaps life can indeed be exciting in the way you wish for.

超过了友情 还不到爱情

My friends know I’m all for intimate platonic males relationships (however oxymoronic that may sound to outsiders not in my social circle) for wise and prudent reasons, and the occasional selfish one like requiring an entertaining escort/chauffeur to esoteric functions. What follows is merely for the record and while I really can’t bring myself to agree, I can remind myself of the pitfalls even as I think 我玩得起 and it will never happen to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you quotes from an online article Not Your Buddy courtesy of dear Beautante who read my previous entry on yet another fun-filled, friendly, and frustratingly futile non-date date with Mr Dimples and promptly dug out the link to send me:

If, as a woman, you are indulging in an intimate friendship with a man who is not pursuing you, you are accepting a cheap imitation of love. And by spending all your time with a guy who will never put a ring on your finger, you may miss a potential suitor.

AA’S thoughts: What? Please reread my entry on the necessity of having close platonic male rallying around you.

Single men and women are failing each other. Uncommitted intimate friendships may satiate immediate needs, but they lead to frustration and heartache. Not to mention, for singles ready for marriage, these "friendships" waste time and energy.

AA’s thoughts: Well, I am just as uncommitted. Frankly, I am not sure how I will react if Someone were to declare/propose. Not then. Not now either. It’s fun wondering whether He is The One and whether He will actually put himself up for rejection but being Someone’s girlfriend/wife is a separate issue altogether. I never actually think about what happens next after the declaration/proposal. It’s very weird, I know but I shudder to think further. Period. Perhaps this is my auto defense mechanism kicking in. I apologise if I am wasting your time and energy too but I guess you have to pop the question one day for us to find out. Meanwhile, let’s just enjoy the companionship, please?

Women, on the other hand, need to assume less. A woman should not assume that a guy friend she's spending time with is: a) just too shy to make a move; b) thinking she's the woman of his dreams but the timing isn't right; c) in denial of God's will that they be together.

AA’s thoughts: Yay, I’m the most underreading person I know, don’t you know. I have been accused of never getting the wrong idea. As well as behaviour that marks my own intent as crazily unclear. Bygones.

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Well, so much for that. What will it take for me to get the wrong idea and admit my intent? I’m afraid that will take another’s confession for I am unable to do it on my own. Woe to the male who is just that into me because he will need to be patient on top of a list of must have superlatives.

Other articles from the same site:

Real Men Risk Rejection
Real Men Initiate

Disclaimer: I read from the independent secular standpoint even though the articles have religious affliations.

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你 写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

The Non-Date Date

The Wednesday was spent leisurely and indulgently in the companionship of Mr Dimples whom I have not seen for months. Since we were both on leave, he proposed that car and chauffeur were at my easy disposal from 10am. Headed to his favourite (and original) Katong Laksa haunt first for breakfast and then it was off to Orchard to window shop at the miscellaneous branded boutiques for fun. The main (and only real) agenda was to check out the iPod promotions and I suspect I might finally buy it this time round after years of second, third, fourth (and so on) thoughts. Went to Island Creamery and Hooked! in that order in the evening for major decadent pigging out. He paid for everything and I only managed to contribute my money to the Subway sandwiches. Sigh.

While I’m trying hard to see Mr Dimples as The Platonic Good Friend, I can’t help but do the meta-analysis thing when we hang out. Can we please get this out of the way? Argh, just get a girlfriend or something and we can be truly platonic. So that when the Apple salesman goes, are you buying it for her? Or you buying for him (to me)? We can afford not to be silenced and silent. What’s the point of smiling in this context? Really, you tell me.

12 hours of enjoyable company and we are still at square one. Why?

Lux Et Veritas, S'il Vous Plait

At the Chinese wedding dinner of April and Hanrong, and taking pictures without them.

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Is it not knowledge, harmless and hopeless knowledge, but still heavy enough to render one helpless, to learn from Facebook that Mr Dimples' good friend is the colleague of Mr Veins' sister?

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A brief respite from the workplace (actually it’s sick leave: I’ve succumbed to a particularly vicious viral strain), and so I snuggled in bed today with a sprawling mammoth of a book World Without End that I finished in one seating, or lying, if you must. The story was ambling along amicably at 1000+ pages long but nothing terribly exciting actually happens. Pleasant yes, but bland and forgettable, and you need patience to plough through if you are not a reader by nature. It’s much like a not very good Sidney Sheldon novel set in medieval times and so I don’t really get the fuss over this epic that is supposed to be a literary phenomenon of some sort. It falls into my hand because I got it as a birthday present for Deputy Best Friend. I thought I might as well read it first. Ha. Haven’t decided whether I should bring it to Hong Kong for him or wait for him to come to Singapore during the last week of Dec. Anyway, next on the reading list would be the prequel of World Without End: The Pillars Of the Earth. Ken Follett, one last chance to impress me!

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In sadder news, on top of the fact I was miserably sick, I didn’t make the cut for this. Not that any Singaporean did, but still, it was something I was hoping would happen to reverse my fortunes and a gentle way I can gracefully exit.

Where’s my permanent ticket out of this shit hole? Can someone please show me the directions?