当不爱了, 连回忆都是负荷

I'm somewhat flattered in a bewildered way why Mr Veins would resort to blocking my email address on his Facebook (such that I can never see or contact him). I guess I must have traumatised him sufficiently for such extreme measures. Though whatever it was that I did, it sure didn't register on me even till now. I'm sorry the years between us hadn't made him react to me with any more maturity, magnanimity or mellowness than before. We couldn't speak when it stopped; and we certainly can't have a dialogue now. Thankfully, I'm slightly wiser and I can attempt to blog about this, instead of relegating it to the backyard in resentful, silent shame. Hey, I guess we can't bridge all barriers, and we can't understand all people. If it's a perverse move to attract my attention, well, it worked just fine to make me want to stem all current and future interaction completely.

In a weird coincedence, Mr Dimple has started leaving public messages on my Facebook wall and commenting on my status. He's an engineer and I really doubt his ability to play mind games as M Veins had previously sought to do, but I wouldn't be a honours grad of literature and philosophy pedigree if the petty thought hadn't crossed the mind: he wants me to notice the profile picture that he's using of he and his girlfriend. Because, really, whatever he is remarking is damn boh liao and he has never done this before. I'm disturbed it's being reported in the Newsfeed and on his own wall too.

一朵云能载多少思念的寄托
在忽然相遇的街头
当我们擦身而过 那短短一秒钟　
都明白 什么都变了

一转身谁能把感慨抛在脑后
在事过境迁以后　
这感情就算曾经 刻骨且铭心过　
过去了 又改变什么　

地球它又 公转几周了
浓情爱恋　都已陌生了

我不难过了　甚至真心希望你能幸福
当我了解你只活在记忆里头
我不恨你了　甚至原谅你的残忍理由
当我了解不爱了　连回忆　都是负荷
我不恨你了　甚至感谢这样不期而遇
当我从你眼中发现我已是 陌生人　
我已是　陌生人了

人不痴狂枉少年

有些事情不是那么容易忘掉
象你的人你要我哪里去找
有些话听一次就整个心乱了
谁管它到底真多少假多少


I’m quite, quite happy where I am. Yet I am obliged to be pensive by my own ridiculous inclination towards the sentimental and romantic. It all began by remembering and wondering, that led to a faint, feigned pining for a long-lost love that became rather real. What happened to him? Just before I left the previous place, I had met him in the lift, and realised with a jolt that we had been working in the same building for 3 months, three floors apart. There was no doubt he saw me too, but I had looked away. It was all too raw (actually it was utterly shameful) when I recalled how he had completely ignored my last few calls and sms-es, and I swore I would never bother again. And then a year past, and then there we were, thrust together in a lift packed with people. When the lift opened again, he scuttled out with a female who was definitely inferior to yours truly in all aspects, as far as the eye can coolly assess. Oh well. I can play the stranger game too. Except I was all too female to resist the occasional google to find out how it has been. I did it today out of boredom and ended up somewhat depressed, when the net tossed out information that made it seem he is studying in the UK now. Have I mentioned blinkymummy is leading exactly the kind of life I had envisaged for a lover and myself? To study and live together in UK, yes, UK, not America, not Japan, for England is where I first gleaned all academic and romantic concepts from: poetry, prose, play. And now, I’m still here, in Singapore. And he’s there, perhaps with another, and I must study harder than ever to find out that some chapters are, indeed, lost to me forever and other doors can open to lead me away from him.

20th Century Boys

Watching the sneak preview of 20th Century Boys (20世紀少年, Nijusseiki Shōnen) was my biggest thrill over the weekend. I have never read the manga, much less heard of the story before this. But I was sold just seeing the trailer alone. Practically all my favourite first generation of A-listers from J-dorama in its heydays was in it. What’s there to dislike?!

Yes, so I watched every scene in delight as I spotted more of the familiar faces. And I chuckled in glee because I was the insider who knew the dorama history connecting each of the actors and actresses:

It must have been 15 years since Toyokawa Etsushi 豊川悦司 and Takako Tokiwa 常盤貴子 last shared a scene, since the classic Say You Love Me (Aishiteiru to itte kure 愛していると言ってくれ) that stomped up the ratings chart in its year of release *screams I own the VCD limited edition box set from 1998!!!*

Whoever thought of pairing Toshiaki Karasawa 唐沢寿明 with Takako was a genius – because I don’t remember ever seeing them together in the same show before, despite them being King and Queen in their own rights.

Then of course, one of Toshiaki’s mates in the movie was already his university mate almost two decades ago in one of my favourite doramas about life, friends, growing up and apart: In The Name Of Love (Ai to iu nano moto ni 愛という名のもとに). The retired police officer who was subsequently killed was Toshiaki’s father in the same show (In The Name Of Love) too!!

Haha. I know I’m such a dorama geek. Needless to say, I also own that series. Anyway, like I mentioned, brilliant casting. Inspired. Meant to send dorama fans of the first generation into foaming ecstasy.

豊川悦司 is still looking cool and collected ( and I like it he has accumulated more freckles than I do!), 常盤貴子 doesn’t seem to have aged at all and 唐沢寿明 is still very handsome even with the wrinkles and eyebags.

Feeling dreadfully nostalgic about the golden era of Fuji TV network right now…

About the movie, well you can attempt to read the manga from here. It's in English.

I don't care. The movie can do no wrong with its charismatic cast.

Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend

Just a quick incoherent post to capture my immediate feelings:

I received a diamond from someone very dear to me, the ex-boss/mentor/close friend/surrogate mum!

She had wanted to get me something and asked me what I wanted. The first thing that popped to mind was a pair of Birkenstock I had been obsessing over for the past three weeks. She barked no and promptly breezed into D’Meyson to browse through their wares. Before I knew it, I was trying them on, with her frowning in distaste or nodding in approval. The choice was unanimous – we both like a sparkling one that was set in a unique design. And so she bought it for me, just like that. I was touched when she said it was something she had wanted to do for me since my mum passed away.

This sure beats buying my first diamond myself (pathetic), or receiving one from the non-existing boyfriend (impossible). It’s from someone I respect, admire and love!! Who loves me lots lots in turn!!! Ahhhhh!!! I wonder what my mum will buy me for a first diamond if she’s still around.

As we walked out of the shop, she mentioned the sales person attending to us probably thinks we are lesbians.

(The diamond she bought me comes with certification somemore. Winner!)