I Will Turn You Into A Sexually Virile, Intellectual, Well-dressed Prince

Said I, waving the sugared wand for the third time - and hence using up the last of the wishes – in Meritus Mandarin.

How the hell did I find myself with him again at 1am?

He was working as my driver for some barang after work > he wanted to stop at Suntec to pick up his new phone > we had dinner at Tony Romas – his treat ‘cos he insisted he had to reward me for completing the marathon > we ended dinner about 11pm, which was a reasonable go home time.

Then he went: Shall we have some drinks?

I am the cool girl, right. So I said yes and we promptly ended up in the hotel lounge. Sigh, I know, this is playing out like some horribly written affair, minus the sex.

Am I being ridiculous, or worse, hypocritical for feeling uncomfortable? I was feeling strangely compromised during the whole time we were together (enjoyable, yes, but compromised nevertheless) and the feeling hit me like a truck the next morning and for the subsequent days. No sex, but I felt dirty. Which was like duh!!!! Why do I feel shortchanged – are we not hanging out platonically, the way we have always been? Does having a better half really change the dynamics? And WTF, I’m not even the one with the partner.

I doubt it’s guilt; 我没那么伟大 – I think it’s a “me” induced emotion ie 对不起我自己 - I felt taken advantage of, hence the whole compromised-ness of things. I’m at the losing end. At the end of the day, he has a Charlotte to return to, and I’m still Carrie, without my Mr Big. And I’m saying this because at the hotel, he said he likes Charlotte and his girlfriend was Charlotte, while I was obviously Carrie (still in his words). And I was obviously rolling my eyes by then: so why are you with Carrie now.

And if we elevate ourselves to the meta state of things, I kick myself for even being annoyed, for thinking I am being taken advantage of, because does it not show at some point I feel he’s deriving some kind of exclusive pleasure in my company that he should be getting from Charlotte instead of Carrie? Am I over-flattering myself? We are merely servicing each other, as platonic good friends should. Would I be so indignant if it were Deputy Best Friend, Minxiu or Ryan? No – so I’m having double standards here and it’s giving me a headache as I try to rationalise my discomfit away. Is staying away from him the only way to feel good about the situation?

All these feelings erupted only in the morning. When we were at the hotel lounge, it was easy banter and for better or worse, knowing that there is a girlfriend in the picture made a lot of topics accessible and safer. And it was fun talking about some things for the first time.

So. Screwed. Up.

Coming Full Circle: The Successful Completion Of The Running For Life Project In 2008 After Three Years In The Making

And so with minimal training, the last run being two weeks ago and hitting only 16km (the furthest I have ever run), I sold my body to the adidas sundown marathon most excitedly at midnight yesterday.

I did complete the race – not that there was ever any doubt on my part about not being able to – I’m a firm believer that personal dogged determination can power you anywhere literally, provided circumstances neither thwart nor interfere. Which was why I signed for this with nary a thought: I was proving a point to the world and myself

I just didn’t realise how hard it could get, trying to get my legs moving in the second part of the run from 22km onwards The spirit was willing but the flesh was simply hurting like mad. My knees felt they were going to give way every time I attempted to resume a jogging pose; my lower back was throbbing and my calves were screaming for attention too.

Well, that was okay. I could still walk quickly. But the soldiering on became next to impossible towards my last 10km on the course. KNS, I was literally dragging my feet and had to stop every 10 minutes to stretch the legs and lift my knees in a 90 degree position to ensure they didn’t end up buckling the other way.

So what could have been a no sweat run if I could maintain a consistent pacing of runs/walks swelled to an embarrassingly epic duration of 9.5 hours!! I was still optimistic about finishing within 7 hours before the run started but gave up on the thought at 6am when I had lead for legs. And it rained too, so I walked even more slowly ‘cos I didn’t want to slip and end up an invalid. The body was totally vulnerable by then.

And I love April for walking back to look for me after she had completed hers in just under 8 hours. When she saw miserably-determined-me trudging, she promptly took my sweaty and smelly waist pack off me and carried it herself so that I could feel lighter and better. And yes, while I was still making my way slowly in the last 500m of the race, my heart was singing and I could ignore my legs. We both finally did it after our solemn promise three years ago!

Thanks to April’s hubby for driving me to the run and back home too .

*

Geraldine’s wedding dinner takes place in Fullerton tonight and while I have the perfect dress and shoes for the New York chic theme, I might have to wear flats instead of my very cool brown high-heeled boots now that I’m quite crippled (I have been hobbling around at home and my knees feel absolutely foreign – going up down the stairs is a long and painful process). Which doesn’t go at all with the flamboyant red dress. Damn. No, not attending is not an option. The lengths I go to for friendship.