知足

I know, I know. That he's no longer exclusively mine to quietly rejoice over anymore when he does something to win my favours. But he can still have my friendship. I'm sure he's unaware of it but at times, he says the exact right thing that still makes me rue over what I may have potentially lost, maybe not now but in the inevitable future.

I was sms-ing him yesterday late evening: that I'm currently attending the last production meeting of the last show I'm doing. And sigh, I have mixed feelings.

He was very busy and so the reply came only this morning, in which he apologised and said he had wanted to tell me that there would be more such 感触良深 moments, to remind that I have done my part and to remember the good bits. "Remember the XXX concert? Nobody bothered and you made a difference."

I was really quite touched that he remembered this particular simultaneously high and low stage of my life which was truly significant for me. I'm quite sure not even Best Friend understood its full impact on me but he seemed to know.

I think he is very tired and worn out from clocking 12 hr work days for the last two weeks but he's allowing himself to be my chaffeur as I shift out my barang barang bit by bit at 9pm.

I know, what the fuck am I trying to prove to myself through documenting this: that he likes me?! Oh, please. It's so over.

And yes, dear reader. It's over. I was a fool but no longer. I bring happy news in my 501th post. I'm moving out. From there. I'm over the moon. And so I am allowing myself the pleasure of his company. I'm going where dreams come true. He can't be part of it but I can always share, and I know he will always listen.

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有