It's not 反正, It's 因为。

Despite valiant and, the latest being up-to-4-hours-ago from our visit to The Tai-Tai, successful attempts to wean myself away and cut off ties (at least neatening the frays that mislead to nowhere in particular) from someone, I find there's always a reason eventually, to talk, to go out, to do all things unhealthy but oh-so-easily.

*

Because I'm cute and popular, just before I stepped out of the office today, someone gave me 4 tickets to Hits of 1904: Mahler's Seventh Symphony for tomorrow night @The Esplanade.

I banished the immediate thought of him as my evening companion. Yucks! No!

Which posed a slight problem. Who is a neutral party who deserves my tickets? I have 4 tickets. Do I attend the concert in a group; Should I just be monogamous, stick to one partner and circulate what remains to Anyone-Will-Do?

After some consideration, a tad more weeding out, and partly out of womanly, useless spite which only my readers will read about and only yours truly can understand and feel emotionally vindicated by the act, I decided give a pair of tickets to Kah Beng since he's been nice, and very neutral(this is an important a priori condition to get the current batch of tickets) in the whole Angelinesque schema of Crazy-Shit-Happening-In-Life.

After texting him whether he wants a pair of tickets, I thought it's a bit off and rather odd, so I added: that alternatively, can go together and I'll pass the other pair to another independent party.

Kah Beng called shortly and said he has asked Weixiang.

He's your primary school classmate, remember. From Yu Neng, before you transferred.

Yah, Weixiang will enjoy the concert. He's from Symphonic Band. Wait a sec, how do you know I was from Yu Neng.

I was from Yu Neng too.

You are kidding right. How come I never knew that.

I plan to follow up on this interesting thread someday. I never knew Kah Beng and I shared the same primary school, I'm pretty sure he was never in my class (the best, but of course :) though Weixiang was. Anyhow, while I was pleasantly astonished, I also panicked at the potential social faux pas and was unfortunately, thus distracted.

Social faux pas? Yup, if he calls Weixiang, and starts off by saying he's bringing along someone I know, does it mean I should bring someone we all know? Or, is it just a sitting together and moving separate ways once the score has been completely ravished by the orchestra, and I'm free to take whoever I like as my partner. Which brings us back to the original source of the problem. Who to take? And on top of that now, do I take someone who knows all three of us?
And, is it a girl thing, that I'm fastforwarding so much? Like seriously, does it even matter? Don't care, I've always been concerned about group dynamics,

Technically, I don't *know* Weixiang. He's one of those friend of a friend of a friend - connections are so diluted that it means nothing. But he does enjoy an excellent reputation since young. I have never heard anything vaguely negative about the guy.

I kind of *know* Kah Beng.

On the whole, I would gun for *I don't know*.

Kah Beng said I can bring whoever I like. Argh. May I just turn up and produce the tickets while you provide the persons to fill up the seats?

Eventually he said he'll ask Xiangrong. But the latter is dating Jay Chou. *groans* So the burden fell on me to find my own companion again.

To be honest, I was getting a bit regretful at my rashness by now. If I had to find my own companion, and I had gone one full circle only to return to the same sad spot ie reduce to calling The-Person-I-Don't-Wish-To-Have-Anything-To-Do-With, like urgh. Pointless.

I threw in the towel and punched in those numbers.

Me: It's me.

He: Yes. *Sounding genuinely happy and glad,glad,glad*

Me: You want to attend a concert tomorrow night?

He: I got a paper on Mon.

Me *quite sian already upon hearing that, but in the name of etiquette, I persisted and prolonged to banter*: Can lah. It's open-book what. Law papers are easey-peasey.

He: I haven't studied much for that yet, and I still have four papers

Me: I got four tickets...someone can't make it, I thought you could go instead.

He: Does it involve people I know?

Me: I doubt so. Unless you happen to be in army together then. Then again, I don't really know them myself that well.

And I told him briefly of my dilemma, not the one in which I see-saw-ed between to call him and not, but the one in which I wonder if I should ask someone only I know as my companion.

He: So you want me to save you from a potentially awkward situation lah.

Me: You can say so.

He: I would but I can't.

Me *forlornly*: 算了，反正 you got exams.

He: it's not 反正, it's 因为。Because I got exams, I can't. Else I will.

Me: Same what. 反正 you cannot go what.

He *firmly*: It's 因为...there's a difference.

Me: whatever. Anyway, initially, I thought if it's too strange with them, I'd go off with you after the performance. Of course if you started acting weird, then I'd go off with them.

He: ...

*some other funny miscellaneous stuff*

But I was much cheered by the chat and once again, I get the strangest of feeling he's the only person that can make me feel secure and happy at the moment, in spite of all the nonsense we have to put up with in our interaction with each other. Whether as a friend only or something else, I will like to have him by my side.

In the end, it was Best Friend to the rescue. Ruth, kindly agreed to go with me, despite my dua-ing (and dumping) her, coz we were supposed to go out prior to my getting the complimentary tickets.

It will be interesting coz Ruth and I have never, ever hanged out with someone else, when we are together. If our twosome were ever expanded, it was incidental. Like April joining us for lunch and shopping because we were dropping our Hons form. Usually we keep to ourselves.

So whatever, this looks okay fun. And given Ruth has never met Kah Beng and Weixiang, it's like a blind date! Yups, that's really fun when we put it that way.

Kah Beng and Weixiang are genuinely good people at any rate. So. The odds are there we will enjoy everything...and let's do that mock deconstruction and critical analysis/review of the entire thing.