Sick Sad World
Life has been rather dismal lately.
Friday saw me somewhat defeated and defensive, when I was told by someone in a casual conversation who doesn't know shit about my ability and stubborness, that I won't make it in production due to nada experience. I hope it was because she misunderstood me, as mostly.
Now I really care shit about production. My professional interests lies in scripting and conceptualising shows that have soul and good dialogue (romance!), and Chinese variety programmes akin to the Taiwanese genres. Alternatively, I will be very happy in Radio, in a Chinese station, playing music and being a producer/presenter. I don't want to be Production per se, you see. I had enough of it doing a movie in NUS (I do have some experience) to know I hate it. Anyway, so this person declared most emphatically that I will be condemned to being a production co-ordinator if I were to switch. Which promptly put me in a foul mood for the rest of the evening. It doesn't help that this person is a veteran whom I respect and like.
Go to News, she kindly advised. Make contacts. You'd be taken seriously.
But I don't want. They did ask but I said no. I would have gone to SPH had I wanted to do reporting. But I don't want to be a mouthpiece!! I want to review, to analyse, to write instead of sheer reporting of facts. That might be a skill in itself, but not one I like to see myself developing.
I've told this to the various HR persons many times, with regards to what I want. I don't think they get it at all. It's rather bleak, the future, thus. There are no clear directives, and I can't plan properly.
So there you go, plotting my future makes me depressed.
*
No time to watch Before Sunset. Sob. Sigh. No romance.
*
Was it apparent that it was time for your grandma? I want to be here when it happens.
Kah Beng called me today, upon receiving the above text that I sent, during a moment I was observing resting Mum.
He recounted how it was for him, for Grandma during the last week. The symptoms, the explanations, the feelings.
I was grateful for the sharing, and selfish enough to forget to apologise that I made him relive most of it, including the funeral. It has only been three weeks.
He made me feel particularly bad about myself, that I failed to call him when he told me Grandma has passed away. I only sms-ed (Meihui, I blame you too!!! You were there when it happened!!!). And here's the same person who said "I got your message, and I thought it best to call."
I feel mortified and ashamed. And yes, even more vexed that I could only utter stupid thank you-s and not the sorries. And I do know that Grandma was a Very Important Person in his life before this.
He was already very wholesome and nice when we were much younger (letting me copy maths homework etc). There's hope in the world now that it's evident some things do get even better with years. Not everything is rotting away. If a friend whom I have not seen for 6 odd years, whose link to me is at best, acknowledged as tenuous, is able to be this sensitive and kind, imagine what my closest friends are capable of. Woah! All people should aspire to react as he did to make this an easier world to transit in, things are unbearable enough as they are. We should try to help one another.
Well, thanks, Kah Beng, for restoring my faith in humanity, that I should behave as you do, to care and to be ever vigilant in case I can be useful and bring to some a glimmer of light you gave me today when everything seems confused and just that dimmer.
No thanks for making me feel really bad for the latter part of the day though.
Friday saw me somewhat defeated and defensive, when I was told by someone in a casual conversation who doesn't know shit about my ability and stubborness, that I won't make it in production due to nada experience. I hope it was because she misunderstood me, as mostly.
Now I really care shit about production. My professional interests lies in scripting and conceptualising shows that have soul and good dialogue (romance!), and Chinese variety programmes akin to the Taiwanese genres. Alternatively, I will be very happy in Radio, in a Chinese station, playing music and being a producer/presenter. I don't want to be Production per se, you see. I had enough of it doing a movie in NUS (I do have some experience) to know I hate it. Anyway, so this person declared most emphatically that I will be condemned to being a production co-ordinator if I were to switch. Which promptly put me in a foul mood for the rest of the evening. It doesn't help that this person is a veteran whom I respect and like.
Go to News, she kindly advised. Make contacts. You'd be taken seriously.
But I don't want. They did ask but I said no. I would have gone to SPH had I wanted to do reporting. But I don't want to be a mouthpiece!! I want to review, to analyse, to write instead of sheer reporting of facts. That might be a skill in itself, but not one I like to see myself developing.
I've told this to the various HR persons many times, with regards to what I want. I don't think they get it at all. It's rather bleak, the future, thus. There are no clear directives, and I can't plan properly.
So there you go, plotting my future makes me depressed.
*
No time to watch Before Sunset. Sob. Sigh. No romance.
*
Was it apparent that it was time for your grandma? I want to be here when it happens.
Kah Beng called me today, upon receiving the above text that I sent, during a moment I was observing resting Mum.
He recounted how it was for him, for Grandma during the last week. The symptoms, the explanations, the feelings.
I was grateful for the sharing, and selfish enough to forget to apologise that I made him relive most of it, including the funeral. It has only been three weeks.
He made me feel particularly bad about myself, that I failed to call him when he told me Grandma has passed away. I only sms-ed (Meihui, I blame you too!!! You were there when it happened!!!). And here's the same person who said "I got your message, and I thought it best to call."
I feel mortified and ashamed. And yes, even more vexed that I could only utter stupid thank you-s and not the sorries. And I do know that Grandma was a Very Important Person in his life before this.
He was already very wholesome and nice when we were much younger (letting me copy maths homework etc). There's hope in the world now that it's evident some things do get even better with years. Not everything is rotting away. If a friend whom I have not seen for 6 odd years, whose link to me is at best, acknowledged as tenuous, is able to be this sensitive and kind, imagine what my closest friends are capable of. Woah! All people should aspire to react as he did to make this an easier world to transit in, things are unbearable enough as they are. We should try to help one another.
Well, thanks, Kah Beng, for restoring my faith in humanity, that I should behave as you do, to care and to be ever vigilant in case I can be useful and bring to some a glimmer of light you gave me today when everything seems confused and just that dimmer.
No thanks for making me feel really bad for the latter part of the day though.
8 Comments:
All your previous comments are gone! I think they disappeared when you switched your template...
And is this Kah Beng single and available (pref desirable)? Got veins or not? Perhaps you'd want a sensitive, communicative person instead...?? (Not that I know what you want)
I do know that you wanna see Before Sunset. But take my advice, see Before Sunrise first. Then you will surely swoon at the sheer romanticism of it all. And bemoan the fate of true love everywhere...
Yeah! I like the old, faded parchment look of this template, like treasure maps in Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys. Very mysterious, very forgotten feel. Too bad about the comments though. But my last reply to you had something to do with you organising an orgy party to fluff up life a bit.
Unfortunately, I din check out the veins when we last met 'cos too busy making eye contact since he was beaming away. We very excited to see each other ok. So. Aiyar. Then again he's currently serving in the army. After which he'll still serve the army, for six years. So he should have?
But 罪过，罪过。I shall not think of a good and kind and wholesome person in amorous terms.
And I don't have Before Sunrise!! Speaking of which, where's the list of dvds you were to send me!
ah... my name appeared on ur blog again. for a different reason this time. if u or me got that msg u sent to KB, u/me will defintely call back too. that msg is different from his msg about his grandma passing away. his msg is a closure, an end. ur msg opens up alot of emotions and perhaps is a cry for support. so its different. :)
new design for ur blog is very LV. :)classy.
Hi darling, wah you post one minute after me! Warms my heart to know we both were at my blog the same time.
I think I very rude lor. Whatever it is, he had informed me of his Ah Ma's passing when the funeral was still on. Should have called :(
I also love my new blog design!!!
I was just about to send it to you when I read your comment. Shall do so now.
And is this anonymous person that has been going around leaving nameless comments meihui?
And why shouldn't you think of a good kind caring person in amorous terms? Seems like a perfectly good reason to do so, in my opinion.
Hmm, years of serving the army. Should have many veins. If not, you can visit his camp and see. Sure got many veins walking around.
Here's a link to a book review which you might find interesting.
http://www.theonionavclub.com/words/index.php?issue=4041&r=2
shucks... got caught by mx again for being anonymous. i forgot... again. two times in two consecutive blogs.
Minxiu is sad to confirm it's you mah. Dashed his hopes, you. He thought got female stranger reading his blog, quite exciting.
ButI know it's you!!! Heh
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