Without You
我瞧着地平线 命运答非所问的脸 让我感觉有些晕眩
她走在他左边 这一秒钟 她笑的很甜
我爱你的那几年 那十几岁的雨天 这刮着风的今夜
走吧 两个人能爱多远 穿上你的毛衣穿过世界 看着那封信变成碎片
我问 什么回忆最可怜 是不是在很久很久之后 想很久以前
Last night, I was taken aback to discover my close girlfriend’s new boyfriend is best of friends - blood brudders in fact, with my ex (in the intellectual whore sense). So much for kicking a person out of your life and ruthlessly decimating all that is related by association, with the exception of Beautante.
After 2.5 years, we are only parallel travelers in a circle. Bad enough that I had to meet the girlfriend (yes, it’s still that one) recently (totally unavoidable), if only in the womanly sense that you intuitively know the other female is sizing you up, scrutinizing you all over, with a bizarre mixture of curiosity and apprehension, to imprint the latest you on the mind and against a mental checklist, assess your potential as the competitor and wonder about the shared-past-not-worth-mentioning for the umpteenth time silently, without confronting you, even if she is dying to.
I’m fine with it. It’s just hard not to squirm with all the baggage floating around when lightness of closure is only achieved through time, since we all mishandled the situation back then. It’s my first time seeing her again after we graduated and after all the pseudo confessions and pseudo breaks and real life drama and vice versa. That, perhaps, justifies the quiet display of glowing-ness as opposed to glowering. Yes, we all need to pass off as living well, more so for some others, to some others.
But it’s true that time makes one negligent and therefore allows all that have transpired to fall gracefully into a natural state of neglect. It no longer matters, and if not for some letters, and entries, there are important details that I would have forgotten. I don’t choose to remember or revisit. There are just some things that are rendered invisible with time.
We will never be what we were again, but it doesn’t mean having to run away from or recoil at a super duper Friendster moment. Our paths are crossing. I can live with it, just like how the without you was never an issue from the start.
Addendum: The revelation is almost on par with discovering Mr Veins's parents are 世交 of my dad's brother and wife ie they know one another for years, way before he was born into the world. We uncovered this only last year and it brought unnecessary excitement. Right.
I must confess I read the boyfriend's blog with interest, wondering what he would say about the connection. In his words, "we discovered that this close friend of my gf is a close friend of one of my closest friends (blood brudder Yuren)." Well, I'm not sure how it was derived I am a "close friend" when closer to the truth is at this moment, we are no longer speaking to or seeing each other. But. It's all water under the bridge now. If you happen to be reading this, whatever negative thoughts i harbour of you have dissipated with time. My ex therapist, psychoanalyst, shrink and thesis companion, I wonder you would say if you know my original story has finally ended.
我爱过 可是找不到永远 看着时间拿走我的纪念
爱上你又恨透这种思念 谁爱过谁 谁又吻过谁的从前
于是我们目送爱的嘴脸 渐渐的走远 慢慢看不见
那一天 向前走 慢慢走 忘了爱也没有用
那一夜 那一切 那一眼 那一天 那一月 那一年 爱你的我
她走在他左边 这一秒钟 她笑的很甜
我爱你的那几年 那十几岁的雨天 这刮着风的今夜
走吧 两个人能爱多远 穿上你的毛衣穿过世界 看着那封信变成碎片
我问 什么回忆最可怜 是不是在很久很久之后 想很久以前
Last night, I was taken aback to discover my close girlfriend’s new boyfriend is best of friends - blood brudders in fact, with my ex (in the intellectual whore sense). So much for kicking a person out of your life and ruthlessly decimating all that is related by association, with the exception of Beautante.
After 2.5 years, we are only parallel travelers in a circle. Bad enough that I had to meet the girlfriend (yes, it’s still that one) recently (totally unavoidable), if only in the womanly sense that you intuitively know the other female is sizing you up, scrutinizing you all over, with a bizarre mixture of curiosity and apprehension, to imprint the latest you on the mind and against a mental checklist, assess your potential as the competitor and wonder about the shared-past-not-worth-mentioning for the umpteenth time silently, without confronting you, even if she is dying to.
I’m fine with it. It’s just hard not to squirm with all the baggage floating around when lightness of closure is only achieved through time, since we all mishandled the situation back then. It’s my first time seeing her again after we graduated and after all the pseudo confessions and pseudo breaks and real life drama and vice versa. That, perhaps, justifies the quiet display of glowing-ness as opposed to glowering. Yes, we all need to pass off as living well, more so for some others, to some others.
But it’s true that time makes one negligent and therefore allows all that have transpired to fall gracefully into a natural state of neglect. It no longer matters, and if not for some letters, and entries, there are important details that I would have forgotten. I don’t choose to remember or revisit. There are just some things that are rendered invisible with time.
We will never be what we were again, but it doesn’t mean having to run away from or recoil at a super duper Friendster moment. Our paths are crossing. I can live with it, just like how the without you was never an issue from the start.
Addendum: The revelation is almost on par with discovering Mr Veins's parents are 世交 of my dad's brother and wife ie they know one another for years, way before he was born into the world. We uncovered this only last year and it brought unnecessary excitement. Right.
I must confess I read the boyfriend's blog with interest, wondering what he would say about the connection. In his words, "we discovered that this close friend of my gf is a close friend of one of my closest friends (blood brudder Yuren)." Well, I'm not sure how it was derived I am a "close friend" when closer to the truth is at this moment, we are no longer speaking to or seeing each other. But. It's all water under the bridge now. If you happen to be reading this, whatever negative thoughts i harbour of you have dissipated with time. My ex therapist, psychoanalyst, shrink and thesis companion, I wonder you would say if you know my original story has finally ended.
我爱过 可是找不到永远 看着时间拿走我的纪念
爱上你又恨透这种思念 谁爱过谁 谁又吻过谁的从前
于是我们目送爱的嘴脸 渐渐的走远 慢慢看不见
那一天 向前走 慢慢走 忘了爱也没有用
那一夜 那一切 那一眼 那一天 那一月 那一年 爱你的我
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