假如 I'm Just That Into You
While waiting for Best Friend (still Ruth :), I browsed through various selections in MPH at Raffles City, and managed to speed read through the entire He's Just Not That Into You.
The book advocates mainly
(1) Never to call a guy first, or bother to initiate/plot deviously whatever because *obviously* if he likes me so much, he will hunt me down. Do not make excuses or justify on his behalf. Any sub-performance should not be tolerated and must be read as "He's Just Not That Into Me". Just wait to be hunted and I'll be happier (no longer fretting over when he'll ask me out or call, since people really that into me will purportedly be doing all that and save me from my own obsessions and analyses).
(2) Consider my circumstance as the average rule instead of the exception. I may be exceptional but not the exception, is the mantra. Pessimism is healthy and welcomed in this case. Yes, the book is right. He's doing/saying all these (and not), simply because *repeat after me* - He's Just Not That Into You! Not as much as you'd rather.
Critical Qns: If I'm just that into you (meaning a little), may I flirt and tease with no strings attached? The girls that buy into the saying, are they that into their lovers as well? Or giving up and settling for less? Does the saying apply elsewhere ie in the Asian context, with our shyness and repressions? Can guys truly forget how tired they could be if sex is dangled before them, if they really like you? How does this work in platonic relationships? Can the saying be adapted and applied to same sex friendships? If my friends are that into me, then shouldn't I be expecting a particular sort of behaviour? If he's just not that into me, but that is only a little falling sort, why must I ruin the whole relationship and quibble over that, especially when I never see that as an issue before. What about role reversal - HAS THAT BEEN TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION? I'm pretty sure I belong to the category of "even if very, very into you, also won't do anything." I sure as hell won't be making moves unless I sense the liking. And even those moves, if any, are subtle and safe and subdued, to retain dignity and mystery. I used to like tactical and complicated mind games better than cutting to the chase. More pleasurable, more thrilling, more meaningful. The more difficult, the more worthy and deserving. If I can be like that, it makes sense that some guys fall into this category too. *Disclaimer* But over the years, I have learnt to appreciate and yearn for simpler and straightforward relationships.
假如 时光到流 我能做什么
找你没说的却想要的
假如 我不放手 你多年以后
会怪我恨我或感动
The book is only helpful if you are ready to move on and in a seriously dead end relationship. It's irrelevant to me, because I'm in a stable friendship-py kinda relationship. Eccentric, weird, inexplicable...strictly speaking, but lawful by any account. I'm not leaving because he's a good friend. Not the prince, but he is my knight, you know, as the below proves.
I got unpleasant news from the agent. All claims need a will and a probate. The latter being something I have to formally engage a lawyer to pen.
At times like this, I wish I had gone to law school.
I thought of running to him, but I din want to seem needy, much less looking for a reason to approach him. Silly, I know. Why so uptight for a friend?
After trying a couple of means, I finally caved in and did the thing I should have done all along first. Tell him about it. Like duh.
He called and he will look into it and give me a person next day at a reasonable price. So he did.
It will probably be 1K plus (my agent quoted 3K and another finance friend said 2-3K is the norm for an uncomplicated case).
I'm not sure if he went through a lot of trouble. He has said his firm doesn't do probates yesterday and his friends are also all in the bigger firms whose portfolios don't cover this...plus the guy he told me to call isn't a personal friend either and so it's all very mysterious, and he refused to say more on how he got hold of him and I only squeaked out a rather lame thank-you.
He said to call the guy for a FOC initial interview/consultation and if I not happy, can walk out and let him know.
Everytime I make a firm resolution to cease contact and opt for a safe distance between us, things will have to happen to make me go to him. This has been proven so over and over again that I shall have to accept him as the knight. Maybe the role of prince will have to go to someone else.
If I leave it as that, does that mean I'm just not that into him?
It takes two to create the tremor and only one to grow the tumor.
假如 真可以让时光到流 你会做什么
一样选择我或不抱我
假如 温柔放手你是否懂得
走错了可以再回头
The book advocates mainly
(1) Never to call a guy first, or bother to initiate/plot deviously whatever because *obviously* if he likes me so much, he will hunt me down. Do not make excuses or justify on his behalf. Any sub-performance should not be tolerated and must be read as "He's Just Not That Into Me". Just wait to be hunted and I'll be happier (no longer fretting over when he'll ask me out or call, since people really that into me will purportedly be doing all that and save me from my own obsessions and analyses).
(2) Consider my circumstance as the average rule instead of the exception. I may be exceptional but not the exception, is the mantra. Pessimism is healthy and welcomed in this case. Yes, the book is right. He's doing/saying all these (and not), simply because *repeat after me* - He's Just Not That Into You! Not as much as you'd rather.
Critical Qns: If I'm just that into you (meaning a little), may I flirt and tease with no strings attached? The girls that buy into the saying, are they that into their lovers as well? Or giving up and settling for less? Does the saying apply elsewhere ie in the Asian context, with our shyness and repressions? Can guys truly forget how tired they could be if sex is dangled before them, if they really like you? How does this work in platonic relationships? Can the saying be adapted and applied to same sex friendships? If my friends are that into me, then shouldn't I be expecting a particular sort of behaviour? If he's just not that into me, but that is only a little falling sort, why must I ruin the whole relationship and quibble over that, especially when I never see that as an issue before. What about role reversal - HAS THAT BEEN TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION? I'm pretty sure I belong to the category of "even if very, very into you, also won't do anything." I sure as hell won't be making moves unless I sense the liking. And even those moves, if any, are subtle and safe and subdued, to retain dignity and mystery. I used to like tactical and complicated mind games better than cutting to the chase. More pleasurable, more thrilling, more meaningful. The more difficult, the more worthy and deserving. If I can be like that, it makes sense that some guys fall into this category too. *Disclaimer* But over the years, I have learnt to appreciate and yearn for simpler and straightforward relationships.
假如 时光到流 我能做什么
找你没说的却想要的
假如 我不放手 你多年以后
会怪我恨我或感动
The book is only helpful if you are ready to move on and in a seriously dead end relationship. It's irrelevant to me, because I'm in a stable friendship-py kinda relationship. Eccentric, weird, inexplicable...strictly speaking, but lawful by any account. I'm not leaving because he's a good friend. Not the prince, but he is my knight, you know, as the below proves.
I got unpleasant news from the agent. All claims need a will and a probate. The latter being something I have to formally engage a lawyer to pen.
At times like this, I wish I had gone to law school.
I thought of running to him, but I din want to seem needy, much less looking for a reason to approach him. Silly, I know. Why so uptight for a friend?
After trying a couple of means, I finally caved in and did the thing I should have done all along first. Tell him about it. Like duh.
He called and he will look into it and give me a person next day at a reasonable price. So he did.
It will probably be 1K plus (my agent quoted 3K and another finance friend said 2-3K is the norm for an uncomplicated case).
I'm not sure if he went through a lot of trouble. He has said his firm doesn't do probates yesterday and his friends are also all in the bigger firms whose portfolios don't cover this...plus the guy he told me to call isn't a personal friend either and so it's all very mysterious, and he refused to say more on how he got hold of him and I only squeaked out a rather lame thank-you.
He said to call the guy for a FOC initial interview/consultation and if I not happy, can walk out and let him know.
Everytime I make a firm resolution to cease contact and opt for a safe distance between us, things will have to happen to make me go to him. This has been proven so over and over again that I shall have to accept him as the knight. Maybe the role of prince will have to go to someone else.
If I leave it as that, does that mean I'm just not that into him?
It takes two to create the tremor and only one to grow the tumor.
假如 真可以让时光到流 你会做什么
一样选择我或不抱我
假如 温柔放手你是否懂得
走错了可以再回头
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