年华

For the time being, as in now, I have quite decided to put aside the fact that I'm actually on leave and head for the office tomorrow for the entire day (Reserve all rights to change my mind in the morning though). Reckon there's too much publicity and infinite promotions for the shows that required urgent follow-up, or be done/arranged/planned soonest. Mind you, I always work my way ahead, but new, exciting things-to-do just flood in, due to the mostly on-the-spot brillant thought, or the occasional debatable idea that needs manifestation to prove how wrong it was to begin with. I feel important (oh look, do I qualify as an workaholic now that I work on my off days?) and adult and busy. Uh-huh.

But is this what I really, really want? Managing events is fun, and I have the most wonderful, supportive mentor and seniors I can learn from and have the greatest times to boot. Overall, I do gain the useful expertise (dare I type that? oh, I just did) and experience and contacts that make me urgh, marketable, which is all very well and good.

Still, with the coming of 2005, it'd be timely to remind myself again to be focused and not to lose sight of what I have always wanted to do. I have chosen my calling and I mustn't be distracted at any cost.

In a way, Minxiu is quite an inspiration. He has pretty much settled on film-making and hey, he's on track, slowly but surely because he never forgets, and never loses hope, as far as his blog reads. He keeps watching movies, the very least and does reviews on the blog itself, even when reality fails, which is like usually, since we are housed in the same hotbed. Nevertheless, small steps, but oh-so-significant ones.

I don't see fears, or doubts, faltering, at all. Maybe he doesn't put them in words but if it's really so, that he's consistently and constantly engaging his craft meaningfully in all sorts of ways, then woah, either you are really good (which makes you more inspiring) or you are losing reality now and then (denial, denial - which makes you the average person, which is very well too, perhaps better).

So. Yes. I want to write full-time, as a novelist, poet. I already have my manuscripts, my stories and I shall continue to write more and more. To be published. I cannot abandon what gives meaning and purpose to my life. How busy and tired and tiresome life gets, I must remember. That I need to transcend all the pettiness and write all that matter. It's that simple; it's all that matters. I remember now.

如果说不回头不必害怕 我的幸福总有解答
为何我还追逐着追逐那梦中童话

星斗般迷幻的舞池中大声的喊出 这才是人生啊
在午夜的喧闹中融化在日出的疲劳中无力挣扎

那以为可以的永远啊 为什么短暂的令人惊讶
那男孩背影后的潇洒 带走了永远神秘的解答
如果说不回头 不必害怕 人生理想总会到达
为何我还追忆着 追忆那似水年华 追忆似水年华