From A Very Tired Girl
It has been a terrible week. I have to confess and concede I don’t take certain things too well. As far as my 20 odd years of living amidst other human beings have revealed, to be happy, I must be in charge, as opposed to being bossed around haphazardly.
Yes, I like to be in control, coz I’m under the illusion things won’t fall apart when that’s the case. I’m on the ball. I give clear instructions. I’m generous and fair and responsible. I do my work well. I’m patient and understanding when need be. I think and talk things through. Basically, I get things done and I make sure everyone is happy about doing it too.
I hate nothing more than being accused unfairly and suddenly of something petty and ridiculous, and only able to simmer in still silence because my perfectly sensible explanation is lost on ears all too stressed to listen. Honourable intentions and initiative were reinterpreted as a grave lack of responsibility and “not listening at all.” Honestly, it feels like I’m working for my mum sometimes, the way she speaks, totally exasperated at me and here I’m, grappling helplessly, quite lost as to why she’s so unhappy when there’s not much of a reason to be!!! *Sigh*
*
It was rather cool when I got to be with The Two (of Director positions) in the room when the contract was being “revised” because it was declared by someone I had “legal training.” In a way, this got me thinking seriously again about doing grad law after I have paid off my debt in kind. It’s not boring at all – these contract things. And I love a good argument.
At least when I’m a lawyer, I know exactly what I’m doing; it’s respectable and delivers much more moolah; and I won’t be aggravated to such an extent, I imagine.
Anyhow, between this week and the last, I met so many directors and CEOs, I grew ashamed of my namecard. I’m so small! But it was really nice of her to bring me along.
*
Had dinner with Minxiu that night. I believe he’s one of those rare people I can don’t see for years (has it been 4 years already?!) and still connect on a fairly intimate level. Or can it be both of us are just really personable people? Actually, it’s probably because we know how shit working life can be. Like me, he’s paying his debt in kind and it starts next week. Anyway, if things proceed as planned (referring to work), MX will be my new best friend starting Dec. Coz he has kindly agreed to bail me out of trouble and teach me the stuff I need to know which I seriously know nil about and I highly doubt anyone will have the time and patience to teach me from scratch when I’m where I’m in Dec. Hopefully with him in the picture, I can steer clear of shit. We are going to have a KTV session coming Sunday. Unfortunately, I have to leave earlier because I have to attend a Malay wedding midway.
*
And tonight, a lovely night out with April to exorcise ghosts and clean skeletons.
*
Has it been a year already? Not quite, but close.
*
Repeat after me. I’m a brain. I’m a writer. I’m young. My dreams will become reality.
*
It’s so easy to feign amnesia these days to console myself. And I’m definitely more tired than I pretend to be.
Yes, I like to be in control, coz I’m under the illusion things won’t fall apart when that’s the case. I’m on the ball. I give clear instructions. I’m generous and fair and responsible. I do my work well. I’m patient and understanding when need be. I think and talk things through. Basically, I get things done and I make sure everyone is happy about doing it too.
I hate nothing more than being accused unfairly and suddenly of something petty and ridiculous, and only able to simmer in still silence because my perfectly sensible explanation is lost on ears all too stressed to listen. Honourable intentions and initiative were reinterpreted as a grave lack of responsibility and “not listening at all.” Honestly, it feels like I’m working for my mum sometimes, the way she speaks, totally exasperated at me and here I’m, grappling helplessly, quite lost as to why she’s so unhappy when there’s not much of a reason to be!!! *Sigh*
*
It was rather cool when I got to be with The Two (of Director positions) in the room when the contract was being “revised” because it was declared by someone I had “legal training.” In a way, this got me thinking seriously again about doing grad law after I have paid off my debt in kind. It’s not boring at all – these contract things. And I love a good argument.
At least when I’m a lawyer, I know exactly what I’m doing; it’s respectable and delivers much more moolah; and I won’t be aggravated to such an extent, I imagine.
Anyhow, between this week and the last, I met so many directors and CEOs, I grew ashamed of my namecard. I’m so small! But it was really nice of her to bring me along.
*
Had dinner with Minxiu that night. I believe he’s one of those rare people I can don’t see for years (has it been 4 years already?!) and still connect on a fairly intimate level. Or can it be both of us are just really personable people? Actually, it’s probably because we know how shit working life can be. Like me, he’s paying his debt in kind and it starts next week. Anyway, if things proceed as planned (referring to work), MX will be my new best friend starting Dec. Coz he has kindly agreed to bail me out of trouble and teach me the stuff I need to know which I seriously know nil about and I highly doubt anyone will have the time and patience to teach me from scratch when I’m where I’m in Dec. Hopefully with him in the picture, I can steer clear of shit. We are going to have a KTV session coming Sunday. Unfortunately, I have to leave earlier because I have to attend a Malay wedding midway.
*
And tonight, a lovely night out with April to exorcise ghosts and clean skeletons.
*
Has it been a year already? Not quite, but close.
*
Repeat after me. I’m a brain. I’m a writer. I’m young. My dreams will become reality.
*
It’s so easy to feign amnesia these days to console myself. And I’m definitely more tired than I pretend to be.
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