I long to see someone, and someone is, fortunately, not free to indulge in an ill-fitting habit. I end up hating myself for bothering when we have no more to say. I need to wean myself off the desire to meet everytime I have less to do and more to think. We remain as firmly and stubbornly out of sight, but nevertheless somewhere in restless minds, despite all evasions.

*

Ambushed by urban loneliness. Nothing short of traumatic. Who can I call upon; who do I want to talk to; is there a better way to deal with it other than shopping and ktv-ing?

I don't want to see some people because I know they can't understand. They will say something I cannot pretend to appreciate and I will bite my tongue, and hate them, anyway. Don't you see, I really don't like that and I will never.

People who do, I can't see, 'cos we know schedules don't match and we can only encourage through mutual experiencing of the same pain.

Others I can't decide, because, I just can't. No, I'm lying. I'm practising censorship, that's all.

So I shop for pretty things to make life beautiful and make it look I'm alone by choice, when filtered through eyes not my own. In a way I am, but I'd rather have good company for catharsis. And because I can't, for various reasons, I resort to shop 'n' sing to bloat up an empty life. And the blogging, now and then, because it assuages asinine guilt for *something*

*

I know it's the cue to write my failed little Chinese romances again. But for reasons I know not what, I can't bring myself to. Maybe this heralds the true end of a real-life pseudo romance.

*

Meanwhile, I listen to 杜德伟 (incidentally, another taut and sinewy body)'s 脱掉。I also want to strip.

外套脱掉 脱掉 外套脱掉
上衣脱掉 脱掉 上衣脱掉
面具脱掉 脱掉 龟毛脱掉 脱掉
通通脱掉 脱掉

有冲动 没行动 那就什么都白搞

没问题 干脆我们来分工合作

谁要点那把火 谁要火上加油

场子热了谁都不要躲 干脆假戏真做

跳进来搅和 给你机会放纵

拜托大家不要 败再没事穿太多

规矩太多一起 脱掉 有搞头一起飙

浑身上下清爽畅凉快活着多美好

你知道 你想要 那样才翘

*

I'm pretty because of good hair days, but no one right enough is seeing. So. Save me from myself and that reflection.