On my way home today, I got a message from dear hwee reminding that it is his convocation tonight.
I didn't ask him to come to mine, so I'm not surprised that he failed to invite me. Besides, it would have been a very out-of-character gesture, and very odd indeed.
I remembered clearly attempting to show him my graduation pictures and he waved me away impatiently then. And said who cares about your pictures. There you go.
I couldn't resist taking a peep through the webcam though, when I realised my happening-to-be-online coincedes with the time.
I saw two people from the faculty that I know, but not him. Did I miss him, as always? Did he attend the ceremony? I don't know. But just before I click away, the webcam panned across a person who looks like him.
*
Vicious Cycles
Bored and in cheeky mood -> send an sms -> reply to his reply -> feelings of doubt, frustration, cynicism etc set in -> unhappy/happy with life/him -> culminates into sudden desire to see him -> he plans and we go out -> happy happy before and during (referring to me) -> experiencing accelerated drop nearing end of date -> departs and feeling even more miserable and moody than ever -> swears never to see him again and conclude he is mad and I must be equally insane to go along with his wishes -> ignore for a few weeks -> bored and in cheeky mood -> and so the story goes ti da ti...
kept in the dark about exact location -> calls to inform I've reached the designated meeting place -> I'm to move towards something -> he's already there waiting -> walk in silence in a strange/deserted/isolated place I've never been before -> eat (and talk occasionally) in a relatively nice place -> walk in silence -> ends abruptly...
overwhelming sense of defiance and determined to prove I don't care about A -> living dangerously: look for B who is different and makes me happy -> B distracts and I'm slightly disorientated -> goes back to A meekly and tries to put out B -> very unhappy with A and miss B -> ignores B anyway and try best to bochap A -> Hmm, not exactly vicious huh, not even a cycle. Nevermind.
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I solemnly declare I will refrain from replying an email that should never have been sent in the first place. Not even in my darkest moments or when I so dreadfully miss a session or when I'm so freaked out. I won't do it even to spite him.
Do you not so agree, that it is during odd moments of doubt and suspicion of another, that you seek solace and respite in the other, hoping to forget a face? When does the other becomes another and can it really be that way?
I didn't ask him to come to mine, so I'm not surprised that he failed to invite me. Besides, it would have been a very out-of-character gesture, and very odd indeed.
I remembered clearly attempting to show him my graduation pictures and he waved me away impatiently then. And said who cares about your pictures. There you go.
I couldn't resist taking a peep through the webcam though, when I realised my happening-to-be-online coincedes with the time.
I saw two people from the faculty that I know, but not him. Did I miss him, as always? Did he attend the ceremony? I don't know. But just before I click away, the webcam panned across a person who looks like him.
*
Vicious Cycles
Bored and in cheeky mood -> send an sms -> reply to his reply -> feelings of doubt, frustration, cynicism etc set in -> unhappy/happy with life/him -> culminates into sudden desire to see him -> he plans and we go out -> happy happy before and during (referring to me) -> experiencing accelerated drop nearing end of date -> departs and feeling even more miserable and moody than ever -> swears never to see him again and conclude he is mad and I must be equally insane to go along with his wishes -> ignore for a few weeks -> bored and in cheeky mood -> and so the story goes ti da ti...
kept in the dark about exact location -> calls to inform I've reached the designated meeting place -> I'm to move towards something -> he's already there waiting -> walk in silence in a strange/deserted/isolated place I've never been before -> eat (and talk occasionally) in a relatively nice place -> walk in silence -> ends abruptly...
overwhelming sense of defiance and determined to prove I don't care about A -> living dangerously: look for B who is different and makes me happy -> B distracts and I'm slightly disorientated -> goes back to A meekly and tries to put out B -> very unhappy with A and miss B -> ignores B anyway and try best to bochap A -> Hmm, not exactly vicious huh, not even a cycle. Nevermind.
*
I solemnly declare I will refrain from replying an email that should never have been sent in the first place. Not even in my darkest moments or when I so dreadfully miss a session or when I'm so freaked out. I won't do it even to spite him.
Do you not so agree, that it is during odd moments of doubt and suspicion of another, that you seek solace and respite in the other, hoping to forget a face? When does the other becomes another and can it really be that way?
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