I have been immensely DULAN eversince this afternoon, when my mum called to inform me that her cancer has been confirmed as the fourth stage, ie last stage by the doctors.
A number of factors contributed to my DUNLAN-NESS (there's absolutely no other words to describe, anger doesn't even come close enough):
(1)WHY NO ONE TOLD US THE CANCER WAS AT THE LAST STAGE PRIOR THE OPERATION, THE OFFICIAL REASON BEING
(2) THE DOCTOR'S INSISTENCE (AS EXPLANATION) THERE WAS NO WAY OF TELLING THE CANCER WAS AT THE LAST STAGE PRIOR THE OPERATION; AND THAT IF
(3)MY MUM HAD HAD AN UNNECESSARY OPERATION THAT WOULD ONLY HANDICAP HER FURTHER, AUGMENT HER DISCOMFIT, EXTEND HER UNHAPPINESS AND SIGNIFICANTLY AFFECT HER QUALITY OF LIVING IF SHE WOULDN'T BE LIVING VERY LONG WITH, OR WITHOUT THE OPERATION ANYWAY.
I'm contesting PT (2) because:
(a) My mum went for a grand total of 3 scopes prior the operation, at an average of once every week, including the one she had just a day before the operation. Are you telling me you can't even give a rough estimation at all through the scopes? What about the x-rays and all? What if you combine all the reports and examinations? Whether it is irrefutably true that
there is absolutely no way of saying if the cancer has reached the last stage before the operation is something I will find out (and everyone who knows, who is reading this blog can help find out) and if you are wrong, you are going to be so dead once I'm through with you.
(2) I feel there could be deliberate withholding of information and somewhat intentional misleading somewhere along the line. The doctor recommended the operation and yes, i was grateful to him for performing the op on my mum immediately. But. BUT. The doctor never answered my questions on which stage the cancer is at but he did say that before removing my mum's stomach, he would have to see if removing the stomach would help. There was a chance that if the cancer was too widespread (ie, pretty hopeless, I guess), they would cancel the op. So I keep vigilance outside the waiting area and was very glad 4hs later 'coz I was sure this meant the op was taking place. And so it was. Except that now, wham, last stage. How to convince me, you tell me. Doesn't last stage just mean, oops, too late?
If you had informed duly that it was at the last stage, my family can at least carry out certain plans before we agreed to the op, if we agree at all. But no, you din. And the official reason is, you wouldn't have known. Can't you hazard an intelligent guess at all? Well. I stay unconvinced that you can't know, maybe not conclusively, but reasonably, you should have grounds for diagnosing which stage at the very least. I'm charging them with negligence and the intent to mislead and withhold certain info.
Since it was already at the fourth stage, we might refuse the operation altogether. Now, my mum has to suffer the indignity of eating lousy liquid food at frequent intervals in very limited portions, and she might die anyway, probably according to you. You tell me. DUNLAN.
And so you said to go for chemo, you advised, all the same.
What are the chances of outsmarting the cancer, given it's the fourth stage, like you say?
Actually, you said, very rare.
DULAN.
I think I'll just let my mum die at home, in peace, no pain and still pretty, in my care, thank you very much.
The best part had to be when I asked in all seriousness and just a hint of mock incredulity and sarcarsm, that Doctor, you mentioned right after my mum's op that all visible signs of cancerous growth have been removed but that there is a high risk of recurrence. Given that at this moment, all signs of abnormality have been eradicated, would you concede it is a fair statement to say that the chemo you recommended is more a preventive measure than anything?
He went, um, and said it is fair.
Preventive mar. Means may not grow, nevermind what stupid stage. What if my mum gets lucky from now and there's no recurrence. Wouldn't she be going through the treatment for nothing? The flip side is going through the thing and die slowly and agonisingly. Well, as long as I'm your daughter, you can forget about the treatment then. We will all die someday. Let's enjoy life while we can.
Sorry, I just remember an even better part. The super part has to be where this other doctor called me, after I requested politely to have a copy of the tissue evaluation, only to have him being rather rude and evasive. Anyway, he called and started ranting how he discovered I had lost my dad and he totally understands how terrified I must be at the thought of losing my mum. He understands I feel helpless and vulnerable (my take is he meant IRRATIONAL. Everything else is a euphemism), and he would do everything to give me support and explain to me from scratch what cancer is. And I mean it when I said he ranted. He went on and on without pausing. I was naturally more DULAN than ever. Leave my dad out of this. You are being unprofessional. I just want the report. And I'm only DULAN, if you insist that I have to feel anything.
I think my mum was probably reeling in shock and disappointment, so I popped over for a visit. Yes, Ruth, I went to the hospital again today after all. The calls that decided and changed everything henceforth came only after I told you not to come and visit and all.
My mum was happy and relieved to see me. But I think I was still more DULAN than ever. And because it was so overwhelming, this urge to bring someone to ruin and the hospital down, I told Shinhao to meet me after his work.
So, the gentleman inquired, somewhere deserted or teeming, lit or dark?
I rolled my eyes dramatically (although he can't see coz we were on the phone, and he isn't in the loop about recent happenings so far). Okay I want deserted, and not too bright pls.
We ended up in Clifford Pier (Me: We are going to stand and talk?! Him: Got view mah) and well, it wasn't very helpful to the real circumstances but you know, it went okay, in that weird sense.
And once again, Jude proves he is psychic. He smsed me at 7pm tonight to ask to have lunch together tomorrow. I said no, 'coz I'm having it with CK. But he can choose between dinner tomorrow
and lunch on Thursday.
A number of factors contributed to my DUNLAN-NESS (there's absolutely no other words to describe, anger doesn't even come close enough):
(1)WHY NO ONE TOLD US THE CANCER WAS AT THE LAST STAGE PRIOR THE OPERATION, THE OFFICIAL REASON BEING
(2) THE DOCTOR'S INSISTENCE (AS EXPLANATION) THERE WAS NO WAY OF TELLING THE CANCER WAS AT THE LAST STAGE PRIOR THE OPERATION; AND THAT IF
(3)MY MUM HAD HAD AN UNNECESSARY OPERATION THAT WOULD ONLY HANDICAP HER FURTHER, AUGMENT HER DISCOMFIT, EXTEND HER UNHAPPINESS AND SIGNIFICANTLY AFFECT HER QUALITY OF LIVING IF SHE WOULDN'T BE LIVING VERY LONG WITH, OR WITHOUT THE OPERATION ANYWAY.
I'm contesting PT (2) because:
(a) My mum went for a grand total of 3 scopes prior the operation, at an average of once every week, including the one she had just a day before the operation. Are you telling me you can't even give a rough estimation at all through the scopes? What about the x-rays and all? What if you combine all the reports and examinations? Whether it is irrefutably true that
there is absolutely no way of saying if the cancer has reached the last stage before the operation is something I will find out (and everyone who knows, who is reading this blog can help find out) and if you are wrong, you are going to be so dead once I'm through with you.
(2) I feel there could be deliberate withholding of information and somewhat intentional misleading somewhere along the line. The doctor recommended the operation and yes, i was grateful to him for performing the op on my mum immediately. But. BUT. The doctor never answered my questions on which stage the cancer is at but he did say that before removing my mum's stomach, he would have to see if removing the stomach would help. There was a chance that if the cancer was too widespread (ie, pretty hopeless, I guess), they would cancel the op. So I keep vigilance outside the waiting area and was very glad 4hs later 'coz I was sure this meant the op was taking place. And so it was. Except that now, wham, last stage. How to convince me, you tell me. Doesn't last stage just mean, oops, too late?
If you had informed duly that it was at the last stage, my family can at least carry out certain plans before we agreed to the op, if we agree at all. But no, you din. And the official reason is, you wouldn't have known. Can't you hazard an intelligent guess at all? Well. I stay unconvinced that you can't know, maybe not conclusively, but reasonably, you should have grounds for diagnosing which stage at the very least. I'm charging them with negligence and the intent to mislead and withhold certain info.
Since it was already at the fourth stage, we might refuse the operation altogether. Now, my mum has to suffer the indignity of eating lousy liquid food at frequent intervals in very limited portions, and she might die anyway, probably according to you. You tell me. DUNLAN.
And so you said to go for chemo, you advised, all the same.
What are the chances of outsmarting the cancer, given it's the fourth stage, like you say?
Actually, you said, very rare.
DULAN.
I think I'll just let my mum die at home, in peace, no pain and still pretty, in my care, thank you very much.
The best part had to be when I asked in all seriousness and just a hint of mock incredulity and sarcarsm, that Doctor, you mentioned right after my mum's op that all visible signs of cancerous growth have been removed but that there is a high risk of recurrence. Given that at this moment, all signs of abnormality have been eradicated, would you concede it is a fair statement to say that the chemo you recommended is more a preventive measure than anything?
He went, um, and said it is fair.
Preventive mar. Means may not grow, nevermind what stupid stage. What if my mum gets lucky from now and there's no recurrence. Wouldn't she be going through the treatment for nothing? The flip side is going through the thing and die slowly and agonisingly. Well, as long as I'm your daughter, you can forget about the treatment then. We will all die someday. Let's enjoy life while we can.
Sorry, I just remember an even better part. The super part has to be where this other doctor called me, after I requested politely to have a copy of the tissue evaluation, only to have him being rather rude and evasive. Anyway, he called and started ranting how he discovered I had lost my dad and he totally understands how terrified I must be at the thought of losing my mum. He understands I feel helpless and vulnerable (my take is he meant IRRATIONAL. Everything else is a euphemism), and he would do everything to give me support and explain to me from scratch what cancer is. And I mean it when I said he ranted. He went on and on without pausing. I was naturally more DULAN than ever. Leave my dad out of this. You are being unprofessional. I just want the report. And I'm only DULAN, if you insist that I have to feel anything.
I think my mum was probably reeling in shock and disappointment, so I popped over for a visit. Yes, Ruth, I went to the hospital again today after all. The calls that decided and changed everything henceforth came only after I told you not to come and visit and all.
My mum was happy and relieved to see me. But I think I was still more DULAN than ever. And because it was so overwhelming, this urge to bring someone to ruin and the hospital down, I told Shinhao to meet me after his work.
So, the gentleman inquired, somewhere deserted or teeming, lit or dark?
I rolled my eyes dramatically (although he can't see coz we were on the phone, and he isn't in the loop about recent happenings so far). Okay I want deserted, and not too bright pls.
We ended up in Clifford Pier (Me: We are going to stand and talk?! Him: Got view mah) and well, it wasn't very helpful to the real circumstances but you know, it went okay, in that weird sense.
And once again, Jude proves he is psychic. He smsed me at 7pm tonight to ask to have lunch together tomorrow. I said no, 'coz I'm having it with CK. But he can choose between dinner tomorrow
and lunch on Thursday.
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