Boy Friends & Boyfriends
If my boyfriend had close girl friends and were to continue to maintain close ties, it is very hard for me to imagine myself kicking up a fuss. After all, I would want to keep my own close guy friends by my side. Especially when I have known all of them before he comes into my life. It’s plain ridiculous to stop seeing them just because he says so. Mr Dimples and I discussed this issue before and I’m afraid we stand firmly on opposing ends for this. Like TakChek, he does expect some “decorum” and I don’t understand this insistence. The very least, he pointed out, was to let him know that you are going out with another guy in advance. My view was that I shouldn’t be alarming the boyfriend especially if he is of the paranoid nature. I can tell him, but more as an aftermath. And that’s mostly because if he attempts to stop me and starts to freak out, I will really be quite annoyed. It would be cute if he’s only half-pretending to mind but scary for me if he means business.
On the other hand, it would be very sad if my guy friends stop hanging out with me simply because they are attached and their girlfriends say to stop seeing me on a one-to-one basis. That, of course, can easily happen. Not every girl is as generous and understanding as me. I only hope whoever he is, he can allow me as much freedom as I can give him.
But why would tongues start wagging? Especially when I already have an existing pool of close male friends whom I go out with. If they wag, it’s because I’m hanging out with you, the new guy on the block okay.
Some Tips from The Non-Expert:
1. Seriously, the whole becoming-close-to-a-guy-who-is-not-the-boyfriend is only endangering when it happens after you have a boyfriend. Guys whom your girlfriend are existing good friends with are relatively harmless and non-threatening, like really. They would have been together if otherwise. They are also most likely to beat you up if you bully her.
2. The trick to avoid things getting murky between a guy and a girl who are platonic friends (and who would like to stay that way) to begin with, is to never, never, never discuss relationship issues on a one-to-one basis. Never talk about ex-es, never, never exchange views on Love and Sex. By openly sharing your thought on these popular subjects, you have just made it easier for each other to develop a naturally neutral-to-begin-with affinity and understanding as the foundation to build upon further should you find the other party attractive through virtue of his/her perspective, history and background. This sharing is an intimate invite to erm… sin.
3. State clearly this is purely platonic from the start. But this doesn’t work always for guys – could be an ego thing. I used to go out with Mr Vein’s law school senior like every week. He’d call me out for movies, dinners, even on weekdays, and we have agreed this was just purely platonic. No matter how often we hang out, we know this stays a strictly friendship deal. Unfortunately, it failed because he kinda bailed out, in a way. So. I think the problem lies with guys, really. Girls can make the friendship work, as long as the guys don’t make it weird.
What if the girl tells you calmly to please accept that she treasures her friendships with the opposite sex and it matters greatly such ties are maintained?
On the other hand, it would be very sad if my guy friends stop hanging out with me simply because they are attached and their girlfriends say to stop seeing me on a one-to-one basis. That, of course, can easily happen. Not every girl is as generous and understanding as me. I only hope whoever he is, he can allow me as much freedom as I can give him.
But why would tongues start wagging? Especially when I already have an existing pool of close male friends whom I go out with. If they wag, it’s because I’m hanging out with you, the new guy on the block okay.
Some Tips from The Non-Expert:
1. Seriously, the whole becoming-close-to-a-guy-who-is-not-the-boyfriend is only endangering when it happens after you have a boyfriend. Guys whom your girlfriend are existing good friends with are relatively harmless and non-threatening, like really. They would have been together if otherwise. They are also most likely to beat you up if you bully her.
2. The trick to avoid things getting murky between a guy and a girl who are platonic friends (and who would like to stay that way) to begin with, is to never, never, never discuss relationship issues on a one-to-one basis. Never talk about ex-es, never, never exchange views on Love and Sex. By openly sharing your thought on these popular subjects, you have just made it easier for each other to develop a naturally neutral-to-begin-with affinity and understanding as the foundation to build upon further should you find the other party attractive through virtue of his/her perspective, history and background. This sharing is an intimate invite to erm… sin.
3. State clearly this is purely platonic from the start. But this doesn’t work always for guys – could be an ego thing. I used to go out with Mr Vein’s law school senior like every week. He’d call me out for movies, dinners, even on weekdays, and we have agreed this was just purely platonic. No matter how often we hang out, we know this stays a strictly friendship deal. Unfortunately, it failed because he kinda bailed out, in a way. So. I think the problem lies with guys, really. Girls can make the friendship work, as long as the guys don’t make it weird.
What if the girl tells you calmly to please accept that she treasures her friendships with the opposite sex and it matters greatly such ties are maintained?
2 Comments:
"The trick to avoid things getting murky between a guy and a girl who are platonic friends (and who would like to stay that way) to begin with, is to never, never, never discuss relationship issues on a one-to-one basis."
Hey! You broke the rule already!
where got!!!
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