还是忍不住想问，然后怎样
On the phone, more-or-less-the-gist:
MX: Do you have anything happening recently worth celebrating? It can be anything! Trivial thing also can! Just think of a reason…
Me: Er…I do have good news to share. I just got confirmed (for my job).
MX: That’s a good reason. Now we can go celebrate by going to a friend’s NEWLY OPENED restaurant!
Me: HAHAHAHA! *very amused*
Actually, MX, we can go for fine dining and not-so-fine dining anytime, with and without reasons (reasons are easily conjured!). What’s your reason to celebrate?
*
So yes, I got confirmed after the probation. I have also confirmed my ticket for the annual pilgrimage to Japan, my longest and most ambitious DIY trip yet. Yes, yes, it has been brought forward to first half of the year this time ‘cos I can’t wait anymore.
Meanwhile, weekdays are spent in the office, with weekends flitting by all too quickly in a flurry of movies, productions, galleries, spa visits and taitai shopping. Apparently, my horoscope’s best investment for 2009 is to spend directly on myself, be it travel, courses, wellness sessions, gorgeous dresses with no immediate occasion to parade them and the likes. So I’m making smart money moves my (unorthodox) way.
*
On Friday, very married April hosted us three bachelorettes at her flat to eat dabao zichar and play late night mahjong, the Singapore heartlander version of Sex and The City. It amazed me that two years have just passed like that. I do miss it, you know, the safety and security of an idealised, simple, homely life, even if I’ve always projected myself as being afraid to take the plunge, even though people and things do change.
I have always read this entry with nostalgia and fondness, remembering that I once was hopeful someone could be part of this; that my other friend has had the love of her life (break-up shortly after this), that I can be enjoying domesticity, that I have had the belief I can be part of the girlfriends'/wives' club. Except fast forward to 2009, only April is left with her happily ever after, as the boyfriend then becomes husband now.
*
On Saturday, another late night out with Shimin, with a prematurely truncated conversation because we were so tired at 2am. I think I’m only romanticising it (referring to you-know-who) because I’m convinced the reality was never that pretty, even if I felt special and exclusive, and loved. It would never have worked out, but I’m glad the eventual took a long time in coming, and we did try, in our own ways, to prolong its painful and bitter lifespan, because it made us happy, and because we were so young and taken with each other.
*
Coming to terms is only the beginning. Moving on is a clichéd.
The real question is，然后怎样。
MX: Do you have anything happening recently worth celebrating? It can be anything! Trivial thing also can! Just think of a reason…
Me: Er…I do have good news to share. I just got confirmed (for my job).
MX: That’s a good reason. Now we can go celebrate by going to a friend’s NEWLY OPENED restaurant!
Me: HAHAHAHA! *very amused*
Actually, MX, we can go for fine dining and not-so-fine dining anytime, with and without reasons (reasons are easily conjured!). What’s your reason to celebrate?
*
So yes, I got confirmed after the probation. I have also confirmed my ticket for the annual pilgrimage to Japan, my longest and most ambitious DIY trip yet. Yes, yes, it has been brought forward to first half of the year this time ‘cos I can’t wait anymore.
Meanwhile, weekdays are spent in the office, with weekends flitting by all too quickly in a flurry of movies, productions, galleries, spa visits and taitai shopping. Apparently, my horoscope’s best investment for 2009 is to spend directly on myself, be it travel, courses, wellness sessions, gorgeous dresses with no immediate occasion to parade them and the likes. So I’m making smart money moves my (unorthodox) way.
*
On Friday, very married April hosted us three bachelorettes at her flat to eat dabao zichar and play late night mahjong, the Singapore heartlander version of Sex and The City. It amazed me that two years have just passed like that. I do miss it, you know, the safety and security of an idealised, simple, homely life, even if I’ve always projected myself as being afraid to take the plunge, even though people and things do change.
I have always read this entry with nostalgia and fondness, remembering that I once was hopeful someone could be part of this; that my other friend has had the love of her life (break-up shortly after this), that I can be enjoying domesticity, that I have had the belief I can be part of the girlfriends'/wives' club. Except fast forward to 2009, only April is left with her happily ever after, as the boyfriend then becomes husband now.
*
On Saturday, another late night out with Shimin, with a prematurely truncated conversation because we were so tired at 2am. I think I’m only romanticising it (referring to you-know-who) because I’m convinced the reality was never that pretty, even if I felt special and exclusive, and loved. It would never have worked out, but I’m glad the eventual took a long time in coming, and we did try, in our own ways, to prolong its painful and bitter lifespan, because it made us happy, and because we were so young and taken with each other.
*
Coming to terms is only the beginning. Moving on is a clichéd.
The real question is，然后怎样。
5 Comments:
Coming to terms that two will never be together; and coming to terms that one will think of the other for the rest of his/her's life (regardless of whether it is constant or for a fleeting moment) are different things...
Have you come to terms with both? Hmm... I have a feeling you have..
A person had/has (?) a place in my heart, in my past life. I think about him but that will not propel me to do anything or read too much into my own thoughts.
Perhaps this is why love songs are so enjoyable to sing. They let you go to place where you never want to explore, again, and brings you back when the song ends.
mh:)
Disclaimer: This post is about the original. Not the substitute. The substitute, who is now someone else's original (I hope) sms-ed me something really long on my birthday but I didn't reply. Neither did I finish reading it. Stay clean!
如果
不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹
总是想再见你
还试着打探你的消息
原来
你就住在我的身体
守护我的回忆
But love songs, yes, esp those from those years :)
Yeah, I know u were talking abt the original. u haf never really stop blogging about the original. He, never, left.
N i don't see a problem wif tat (see comment #1). If you ask someone about that person from their past n if this someone really loved, the past will never leave. It's just how this someone deals with it.
还是忍不住想， 又怎样。
不再去问然后。
asking 然后怎样 helps me to live through life. Even if i have a good job now, 然后怎样? Even though i have it good now, 然后怎样? This is my only means to keep going.
Can't stop. Can never stop. Stagnancy is my nightmare.
The consolation is: Supposing 然后怎样 is rhetorical, at least it's open-ended. When nothing is cast, nothing is in stone, potentiality is, always there.
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