Why Not II
He was always so busy. The smses would come in a few days later when the recipient of his generosity was no longer interested in the issue at hand or had found other means and companionship to render his absence completely irrelevant. The very rare calls I had to make went unanswered and he called on weekends from the office, if only to prove how terribly buried he was by work. The times we were out felt like stolen moments, with him monitoring the hour (yes, if he said we can meet for three hours, we have to keep to that time frame. Like duh.) and work always was on the back of his mind. It wasn’t always like this, I know, but those days that were not, they never felt further and they may not stage a comeback any earlier.
I found myself putting up with such nonsense until I hate myself for being really small and pathetic. I alternate between feeling like an ingrate and a loser, the former being living testimony of how ridiculously brainwashed I was to think I wasn’t appreciative as opposed to his not appreciating me.
No. I don’t understand just how busy one can get, I still don’t. You still have to eat, to sleep, to pull together some ghost of a life, which simply means there has to be some time set aside for me. And I don’t want to feel beggary. I hate the way he made me feel I was demanding when I must be the most low-maintenance girl I know (in terms of time only).
I don’t think Best Friend was very pleased when I aligned her recent busy-ness with that of Mr Veins’. Well, it wasn’t entirely a fair statement, given she’s still struggling to find balance and harmony in a new job in a new environment. But that doesn’t preclude or deprive me of the right to declare that I really, really don’t understand how busy one can get. I have been through times that I feel like dying but those times only make me want to find an outlet to channel all that negativity. And that’s easily accomplished through going out with friends, retail therapy etc – whatever, time has to be set aside for the means to cope. Well, probably we have different mechanisms to cope then. Some people just throw their heart and soul harder into what’s causing the distress rather then taking a step back to consider drowning themselves elsewhere for a regenerative and restorative process.
In a nutshell, wasn’t feeling too good because I’m sick and because of the above – kanna reminded of my inability to comprehend how absolutely busy some people can get and how they actually do mean it. But Peiyun from my DHS 2I class called and somehow everything was made well again. Now a Citibank associate (where are all the people earning dough the decent way???), she’s another busy girl but because we meet infrequently, it matters less. But we are immensely fond of each other.
Me: What? Why suddenly call? You evil thing! Said you’ll call me in November, see now is when?
She: Oi, you always busy okay.
Me: Rubbish!
She: I just got off work and it’s my earliest time yet (it was close to 8pm)
Me: Wah lau, I hope you are raking in big bucks
She: I saw two girls in VJC unforms just now…
Me: *interrupting with glee* excuse me, I was from Temasek Junior College okay.
She: *giggles* I know lah. But you see, I started having flashbacks of school and of course when I reached Dunman High, I thought of you!!!
So we are meeting next week. I guess moral of the story is: Que sera sera. Perhaps someday, when someone slows down, I will be thought of. Could be six months, could be years after. But meanwhile, let me lead Life the way I enjoy and never pause to wait for anything and anyone less than worthy.
Ending on yet another bright note, Kaile and I are going to the 黄舒骏 concert!!! I was so afraid no one would accompany me ‘cos he has quite a niche following. But Kaile yes-ed me most enthusiastically and I will be eternally grateful for his companionship. I missed his concert last year (bloody sell out) so it’s one determined lady here who must secure the tickets!!!
(HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO BUSY!? IS THIS CALLED DRIVE? FOCUS? AMBITION? LEADING TO SUCCESS?)
I found myself putting up with such nonsense until I hate myself for being really small and pathetic. I alternate between feeling like an ingrate and a loser, the former being living testimony of how ridiculously brainwashed I was to think I wasn’t appreciative as opposed to his not appreciating me.
No. I don’t understand just how busy one can get, I still don’t. You still have to eat, to sleep, to pull together some ghost of a life, which simply means there has to be some time set aside for me. And I don’t want to feel beggary. I hate the way he made me feel I was demanding when I must be the most low-maintenance girl I know (in terms of time only).
I don’t think Best Friend was very pleased when I aligned her recent busy-ness with that of Mr Veins’. Well, it wasn’t entirely a fair statement, given she’s still struggling to find balance and harmony in a new job in a new environment. But that doesn’t preclude or deprive me of the right to declare that I really, really don’t understand how busy one can get. I have been through times that I feel like dying but those times only make me want to find an outlet to channel all that negativity. And that’s easily accomplished through going out with friends, retail therapy etc – whatever, time has to be set aside for the means to cope. Well, probably we have different mechanisms to cope then. Some people just throw their heart and soul harder into what’s causing the distress rather then taking a step back to consider drowning themselves elsewhere for a regenerative and restorative process.
In a nutshell, wasn’t feeling too good because I’m sick and because of the above – kanna reminded of my inability to comprehend how absolutely busy some people can get and how they actually do mean it. But Peiyun from my DHS 2I class called and somehow everything was made well again. Now a Citibank associate (where are all the people earning dough the decent way???), she’s another busy girl but because we meet infrequently, it matters less. But we are immensely fond of each other.
Me: What? Why suddenly call? You evil thing! Said you’ll call me in November, see now is when?
She: Oi, you always busy okay.
Me: Rubbish!
She: I just got off work and it’s my earliest time yet (it was close to 8pm)
Me: Wah lau, I hope you are raking in big bucks
She: I saw two girls in VJC unforms just now…
Me: *interrupting with glee* excuse me, I was from Temasek Junior College okay.
She: *giggles* I know lah. But you see, I started having flashbacks of school and of course when I reached Dunman High, I thought of you!!!
So we are meeting next week. I guess moral of the story is: Que sera sera. Perhaps someday, when someone slows down, I will be thought of. Could be six months, could be years after. But meanwhile, let me lead Life the way I enjoy and never pause to wait for anything and anyone less than worthy.
Ending on yet another bright note, Kaile and I are going to the 黄舒骏 concert!!! I was so afraid no one would accompany me ‘cos he has quite a niche following. But Kaile yes-ed me most enthusiastically and I will be eternally grateful for his companionship. I missed his concert last year (bloody sell out) so it’s one determined lady here who must secure the tickets!!!
(HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO BUSY!? IS THIS CALLED DRIVE? FOCUS? AMBITION? LEADING TO SUCCESS?)
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home