Of Space and The Spaces Between

One of Mr Dimples’ business associates, with whom he has a buyer/seller relationship, asked if he was going to Asian Aerospace 2006. Upon hearing he had no tickets, hepromptly whipped up some to offer. Mr Dimples took them with thanks, and subsequently was haunted by self-doubt, questioning introspectively whether he should have accepted. I believe his thoughts strayed far to something akin to being bought over. Being the admirably grounded fellow he was, Mr Dimples “confessed” to his supervisor, and was suitably surprised that his worries were for naught.

I was naturally tickled to hear him relating this tidbit last Saturday and wondered what this Asian Aerospace thing was about. My curiosity was piqued. When my own business associate (who has since become a dear friend) offered me invites, I pounced.

Weather was scorching hot and it was a grueling journey. But who am I to complain, since I cabbed? My wallet became thinner, that’s about it.

I really have no expectations. I arrived with an open mind, eager to see what the hype was about, to soak in the world of technology and technicity, and to imbibe something scientific and honest (in the what-you-see-is-what-you-get sense), something radically different from what I have been brought up to love and believe in.

I guess there’s a reason why I have an E for ‘A’ Levels Physics, and the reason is still very, very valid. I was unimpressed by the display and disinterested in general. Just sort of wandered around and chatted with random people I kind of knew. Met someone running Crazy Horse and he offered to take me in on the house (with a catch, of course). That’s pretty cool. Otherwise, it was a remarkably unremarkable tour. Still, I may have to come back another time with my supervisor.

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I almost sms-ed him today. Very close to feigning nonchalance and sneaking out one in the usual flippant way. I’m proud of myself for not. The abstinence would mean nothing had I weakened for that critical moment. I blame my original Asian Aerospace companion for this. He had to attend to last min work matters and had pulled out with regrets. So I needed an instant substitute, and it’s only mid-week. Most people have to work if not study. In despair, I thought, and hesitated. And I put away my phone.

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Read this off singleserves.blogspot.com

All I needed from you was a simple dealbreaker. Something to definitively label you a bastard and thus make me avoid you forever. The worst relationships are the ones that wear away at you by attrition. One modest disappointment after another. A neglected call. A missed dinner date. A forgotten gift. Love isn't always about grand gestures and flowery apologies. You know I'm not a needy chick. You never had to spend much time with me. And I never asked for much - just the certainty that when you said you'd call back, you would. Or that if you couldn't make it in time, you'd let me know. Simple courtesies like that.

Do you know the amount of time I spent waiting for you to call? Or keeping my fingers crossed in agony over whether you'd make it to see me? I would put my plans on hold for up to a week on the off-chance that you were in town. Of course I grew tired of waiting. But then I'd wait some more. Of course I'd tell myself that I would never let anyone else string me along this way. But when the opportunity presented itself, I'd just do it all over again. That's why I said that knowledge makes me vulnerable. Nobody but me should know that I suffered like that.

I never told you because I just wanted the few times we had together to be happy and free of these banal little irritations. I just assumed things would get better with time. I never told you because I needed to preserve my dignity. I was a strong, confident woman who didn't need anyone else in her life, who had a string of people who loved to spend time with her, who went through men like water. Why was I being over-sensitive and needy and pathetic like this? Absolutely out of character. I had to disown that part of myself.

And thus, I had to disown what I felt about you.

I can so project.

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In other worldly news, Life goes on.