Of Space and The Spaces Between
I was naturally tickled to hear him relating this tidbit last Saturday and wondered what this Asian Aerospace thing was about. My curiosity was piqued. When my own business associate (who has since become a dear friend) offered me invites, I pounced.
Weather was scorching hot and it was a grueling journey. But who am I to complain, since I cabbed? My wallet became thinner, that’s about it.
I really have no expectations. I arrived with an open mind, eager to see what the hype was about, to soak in the world of technology and technicity, and to imbibe something scientific and honest (in the what-you-see-is-what-you-get sense), something radically different from what I have been brought up to love and believe in.
I guess there’s a reason why I have an E for ‘A’ Levels Physics, and the reason is still very, very valid. I was unimpressed by the display and disinterested in general. Just sort of wandered around and chatted with random people I kind of knew. Met someone running Crazy Horse and he offered to take me in on the house (with a catch, of course). That’s pretty cool. Otherwise, it was a remarkably unremarkable tour. Still, I may have to come back another time with my supervisor.
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I almost sms-ed him today. Very close to feigning nonchalance and sneaking out one in the usual flippant way. I’m proud of myself for not. The abstinence would mean nothing had I weakened for that critical moment. I blame my original Asian Aerospace companion for this. He had to attend to last min work matters and had pulled out with regrets. So I needed an instant substitute, and it’s only mid-week. Most people have to work if not study. In despair, I thought, and hesitated. And I put away my phone.
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Read this off singleserves.blogspot.com
All I needed from you was a simple dealbreaker. Something to definitively label you a bastard and thus make me avoid you forever. The worst relationships are the ones that wear away at you by attrition. One modest disappointment after another. A neglected call. A missed dinner date. A forgotten gift. Love isn't always about grand gestures and flowery apologies. You know I'm not a needy chick. You never had to spend much time with me. And I never asked for much - just the certainty that when you said you'd call back, you would. Or that if you couldn't make it in time, you'd let me know. Simple courtesies like that.
Do you know the amount of time I spent waiting for you to call? Or keeping my fingers crossed in agony over whether you'd make it to see me? I would put my plans on hold for up to a week on the off-chance that you were in town. Of course I grew tired of waiting. But then I'd wait some more. Of course I'd tell myself that I would never let anyone else string me along this way. But when the opportunity presented itself, I'd just do it all over again. That's why I said that knowledge makes me vulnerable. Nobody but me should know that I suffered like that.
I never told you because I just wanted the few times we had together to be happy and free of these banal little irritations. I just assumed things would get better with time. I never told you because I needed to preserve my dignity. I was a strong, confident woman who didn't need anyone else in her life, who had a string of people who loved to spend time with her, who went through men like water. Why was I being over-sensitive and needy and pathetic like this? Absolutely out of character. I had to disown that part of myself.
And thus, I had to disown what I felt about you.
I can so project.
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In other worldly news, Life goes on.
3 Comments:
ah, a picture of you and your new famous boyfriend, i see...
anonyruth
MH: Can get discounts in their music school or not? Haha...
MH: it's wei song :) cos si song married leh.
did you attend their concert? more importantly, do you know one another well? i find si song very, very hilarious in a quietly satirical, manical way. he appears less chatty on stage but damn funny when he speaks. wei song, on the other hand, is a born performer.
Best Friend: my ex was an international bollywood superstar. unfortunately, the only pictue we had together is currently with someone else :)
MX: i will also like to know the answer to your question.
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