The Vein-ity

Being bored, and the evilly comparing and capricious creature that I occasionally am when it comes to relationships, I sent the exact same message meant for Mr Dimples to Mr Veins one week later, if only to see how differently the two would react.

I tapped very simply, for a loaded gesture out to test, and fail.

Dinner this week? + smiley

Mr Dimples, in true Briton fashion, promptly enthused most encouragingly and appealingly, saying he was free the whole week. He asked me in turn, how my work schedule was like, and that he has no particular place in mind but he does enjoy going to Siglap area to hang out.

That was very nice, and subsequently, we did have a great time as usual.

On to Mr Veins:

Now I know that I have said countlessly that I will ignore Mr Veins but it is just so difficult. It’s part Vanity and pure stupid Belief, that I believe he still Adores-Me-To-Death and that some things don’t change, that I don’t mind giving him a chance to prove that. Over and over again.

It’s hateful, and embarrassing, and perhaps, rewarding despite everything. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself it’s all very casual and we are indeed only friends without thinking and developing any further, that we really don’t have that hovering in the background when together. Which was also weighing on my mind as I sent that.

A day later -

Mr Veins: I’m afraid that’s not too possible. Fairly bogged down this week. Sorry.

Upon receiving that, I rolled my eyes. How positively disgusting.

Me: Yuck. You are doing it on purpose! How about next week?

Two days later -

Mr Veins: My schedule has finally been settled for next week. Early next week is fine. Yes, I had do it on purpose…

A day later –

Me: Obviously, You had do it on purpose, I’m sure. Losing your grip on grammar and reality in the course of work, I see. How about Monday? You have a place in mind?

A day later –

Mr Veins: No place in mind as of yet, to be revealed in due course…

I was tempted to reply: You mean things have not changed? We are still on this?

But I curbed The Finger.

I guess part of the excitement and fun in going out with Mr Veins is always the surprise element he insists upon. No many guys can match or even beat that. I can leave it to him to plan and be assured of a relatively memorable time. Yes, he spoils the market and sets a kind of standard that is ridiculous for someone who is not a lover.

And then there’s the longstanding familiarity and intimacy. By that, I mean we have eased into a comfortable exchange of words and body language that we recognized to be peculiar to The Other that we appreciate and in turn, tailor-made one’s language and gestures in response that builds up to a private communication that we both enjoy. I can be as rude as hell and vice versa but it has never served permanent damage, only highlighting an odd ability to be honest and ridiculous over any and every thing under the sun. It helps that we always hang out as a twosome.

It was traumatic when I thought I had to end it once but the thought of never being privy to his weirdness again, never being in his presence ever again, put an end to my putting an end to things. Well. Now I try to temper and educate Desire with Pride. Usually Pride wins, but this time, it’s Desire, and of course, Vanity, which is Pride in a sense, so. Can I say I am having the best of both worlds?

This is a boring and neurotic post. Yuck.