Holidaying in No Man’s Land

Still on the subject on going away, I will be reprising the role of the carefree and care-less heartless in the coming week. As said in an earlier post, away from Singapore, pretending to be the thoughtless romantic and imbibing the delightful worldliness of alone-ness in a foreign land. On second thoughts, make that understudying the role, for I’m still learning how to severe my ties. Someday, I shall be completely free.

Anyhow, so I need to stay in another hotel for a relatively long period (no, my baby sister won’t be around to baby me, sob) on my own.

And so, on my way to work some days back, I thought about it for five minutes before I decided on sending the same message to Mr Veins and Mr Dimples. Yes, I’m such a horrible, lousy person – I’m testing the reactions and responses of my friends to do that meaningless, comparative analysis that has absolute no bearing on a change of heart, unless the heart is no longer. For it heeds no reason and hails the ridiculous.

I tapped out a very generic sms about my downgrading (no longer the starry 5 kind of luxurious hotel, but in city still) and to visit if you can. Without mentioning the dates and place whatsoever important information.

Mr Veins, in an expected move, is ignoring me. Or at least, I have no word from him. *sigh* I fear we know each other too well. Silly games, silly girl, I bet she’s testing me again! Boo. I shall bury myself in work, so, so busy anyway, and she should know! Well, we’ll see what we can do when she actually bothers to send me useful information… *imagine pained expression*

How positively irritating that I’m making excuses on his behalf.

Mr Dimples, ever the pleasantly restrained and gentlemanly Briton (without the accent), remarked that would be nice, and asked relevantly the why’s and the when’s. When I replied that the itinerary for my stay is in to-be-confirmed status, he said to keep him informed. He also provided a great punchline that I found really funny: Don’t argue with them! (Sorry, insider’s joke)

I apologise for the test. But life is really too sedate despite the busy-ness.

Holidaying in No Man’s Land

Verses and virgins
Vote for me to undergo
The vacuously virtuous vacation
To vacate my thinly veiled vanity, and
Validate your thickly veined value
As the androgynous, asexual addiction
Whose absence always
Prompts artless attachment.

My amour, our archives approve of
You, the accidental accessory
I have grown so amorously accustomed to.
I am autistic, and awkward, and aware,
Of your austere attentions and autumn attractions
But they are born of a heavy, hearty habit
In the name of hauteur, heresy and hostility
Happily, helplessly and hatefully so.
Hogwash and hoax,
In this huskily hypocritical hour
When you humbly say you do honestly care
But I like to think I got used
To your hygiene, and it being all hushed up too, and
How no difference is made here, and now.

One day simply stretches to a strange distance
And nine days have not quite space enough
To hold those times I bother to count carelessly,
Of just how horribly long I have lived
In independence and indignation
And it is all
But one, two, three and then four and
Five, six still, never seven and
Reaching eight only to crawl over sprawling nine
And it has yet to debut bravely
At the dancing pasture of dainty doubles,
Waiting, waiting
For days to dash delightfully past
Where it no longer matters if you are here.

Angeline Ang
February 2002
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Oh right. Things are not all right. They haven't changed since 2002. Why do I keep believing it will be any different after we have graduated, started work and all that crap.