It's a strange feeling to bump into people you used to know from school and sayng hi, and then perform the requisite act of exchanging namecards. It's strange, but automatic. People expect it. And I've allowed myself to be accustomed to this ritual. I'm hardly ashamed to admit I derive perverse delight in collecting namecards and I've all but overcome the initial awkwardness of receiving them. I still fumble though, when it's the other way. I can't seem to whip out the namecard with a flourish in one fluid motion and give it to the other party without feeling all embarrassed about my lack of sophistication (that is, when it comes to issuing my own cards).

I felt serious pain when someone forced me to give a namecard of this person I know I might never contact to another who needed it. Hello? It's mine hor. You so gian, pls go and get it from the person yourself. Why target mine? I got it coz I'm connected to The Network.

Ooops. You mean that wasn't the right reaction I should be having after my 'Hello'? What do you mean I'm so weird. Yeah, I know. It's only a namecard but there you go. I feel quite possessive about the thingy. Disconcerting or what.

It gets worse. I've done the unspeakable. I went to approach someone whom I've sworn not to contact ever. All because she's working in an organisation that could offer publicity for my event.

Me: Hello, T? It's me. Hey, you are reporting for this mag right? Would you happen to know if it has event listing and whether anyone with the right editorial column might be interested doing a write-up? We are having this event...

She: I'm doing hard-core reporting. But I can pass you the contact for the entertainment one.

Me: *internal shudder + shiver shiver* I can't believe we are having such a conversation. "Contact" is such a dirty word. Yucks.

She: Yah. What to do. We working now mah.

Me: Yeah, so thanks for the contact.

Then we yakked very briefly about nothing, how she's going move on after another year or so, how I'm happier, as if both of us cared. Oh well, we do, provided we all are still relevant with the right connections and network thrown in.

Felt a bit of contempt for myself after I put down the phone. Hell, it wasn't even as if I needed to do this. I just wanted to contribute extra to the team, to show that I can help too (in the sense I do have contacts I can rely on), so I took the initiative. So I scan the profiles of friends and I'm horrified (always aware but nonetheless horrified) that majority are teachers, or engaging in projects that lie outside The Realm of Network. That The Network does not recognise or affirm because there is minimal need for exchanges in the corporate understanding of the term.

My one friend in the media (and even then it's by a long shot, she's not quite media-media), other than myself, my fellow s*******(who don't count coz we are in the same company ultimately) is that person.

I think I also have the namecard of someone from The xxx Paper. I was sitting beside this guy and suddenly we happened to look up to discover we do know each other from NUS orientation camp. So I had my first taste of exchanging namecards officially with someone I don't quite know (well, he asked, so I'm exonerated from Blame, so there). I was obviously embarrassed and I think the passengers in the packed MRT were highly amused by our exchange (literally and figuratively). But there's no need to resort to that guy yet. The existing media list already has xxx paper contact. It just din have my friend's one, which was why I decided to get in touch (eek the corporate world calls such liaising "touch base" it's horrible!).

Sometimes I wish more of my friends were struggling out here in Corporate. Then we can help each other out. Then they can understand better. It's difficult to articulate how gross things can be, until you are here.

And teaching, definitely doesn't count. Sure, it's tough. But it's different.

In Corporate, we have to band to survive.

I'm a lousy piece of shit for making the stupid phonecall.