Everyday is a lesson in mediocrity.

This morning, this brilliant phrase just came to mind when I was doing the usual routine of travelling to work and staring vacantly at the crowd thronging the train that was moving too slow.

I shared the insight with friends who already have graduated. By sms, of course.

This is something no one, who is still stuck in school, or is not working, will be able to comprehend. A sense of angst that can no longer be called existential, no, it goes beyond.

You feel Mediocrity approaching, taunting, beckoning, inviting and you can’t run, can’t hide, and just, be.

All your life you were told you are special, different and you know you are. It’s more than a silly belief. No, you know better, you are the best, even though the rest of the world has yet to experience. But they will.

You go through uni life and yes, goodness me, it was somewhat inspiring, surprisingly. You met like-minded people with different aspirations but they shared a common vision that we can, collectively, change the world. We are the new generation. Some are scholars and having the basic solid career infrastructure by virtue of the scholarship, and complementing the tertiary education with our youth, never-say-die enthusiasm, commitment, passion, talent and wit, surely we are a breath of fresh air to be appreciated. Hopefully, we can challenge a system long due for overhaul.

But we are no different from the rest. We could be truly Mediocre. It’s humbling and humiliating, this fall from grace.

We are rapped for our youth, our eagerness and our outspokenness. Someone always likes to choke the life out of the bright sparkle in us, to make us descend into middle-ground averageness. Nobody important (far and few) in the real world appreciates your being different. They want you to be safe and same and sane.

We could be Elitist, yes. But we are buying into Mediocrity. It’s sinking in, slowly, stealthily, but surely. It’s the only way seemingly at low moments in life, the only way to stay out of trouble. Be content, be not-different. Do as you are told.

We are mediocre elites, a dime a dozen and The System is waiting to claim us. We never left the system. We are always part of it. So much for education.

I just feel quite defeated in general, whenever I think of what I think about when I was still an undergraduate.

It’s very different now. Now, I’m just like everybody. I’m an elite nobody.

When The System has supporters like us mediocre elites, its life span stretches to forever.

*

I read this off a friend’s blog some days back. Somehow it seems important, sad, painful, relevant (even though it’s on teaching and I’m talking about Mediocre Me) and above all, true, for my current frame of mind. The bits of it go:

I've been thinking quite a bit about my views on education and the system and I have to admit that they are becoming increasingly conservative. I've always been influenced by my personal experiences of having been put in a class with kids of lower academic calibre at an early stage of critical development after going through angst and dropping out of the top class. I've known and played with kids like the ones I'm teaching now and they were some of my fondest friends back then. They shaped my views to never discount them.

These days, it becomes clearer to me that those days were back then and if I ever met these people now, I would have little to say to them. Everything that I find interesting would mean nothing at all.

And ultimately, there must be some truth in the system because I survived, albeit with a few scrapes.

At the back of my mind, I feel like I'm turning into a bigoted elitist but some thoughts return persistently, refusing to be denied.

As I reach these conclusions, I keep trying to bridge that gap. Someone once told me that he had given up after acknowledging it. I'm wondering now if I'm just wasting my energy with all this effort.

*

Like I say:

Everyday is a lesson in mediocrity.

Everyday is an adventure in mediocrity.

You heard it from me. And I shall patent these lines.