I hate not knowing. I hate, hate, hate. Which is a huge irony given I am The Sceptic, at least academically so. The odds are, in classes, I will always be the first to challenge opinions. Qiuyang and I were talking about our theses and while hers defends knowledge, mine refutes it. My title itself is mind-boggling - The Anti-Detective Story: The Epistemological and Moral Function of Reason in The Name of The Rose. And I do get embarrassed whenever people asked me about what I am writing on. It's difficult to explain in a casual conversation and you (the ask-er) really dun need to put yourself through this shit outta sheer politeness. Most people just faint upon hearing "epistemological."
*
Incidentally, the line I always used to reject people and/or to buy time was: Let me see, I have ontological, epistemological, moral, existential, *insert whatever brand of philosophy I happened to be reading up on* doubt about this. I'll get back to you. It leaves people stunned and you just have to walk off coolly. Don't bother to explain, unless you are sincere about making friends with these same people.
*
Ah, those golden days in which I could expound freely and easily theories of knowledge and morals (the lack of, I mean) :) I miss screwing my Hons mates with impossible philosophy and exchanging witty, acerbic and mostly irreverent remarks together, totally disrupting discussions and cracking up Dr Ang, esp. I think my exchange with Yaomien during sci-fic seminars on fish and sheep (Philosophical Investigations) was a classic. Now, my brain is atrophying, I am afraid. But once upon a time, dear reader, I was An Intellect.
*
There is no such thing as knowing, according to The Sceptic. But The Sceptic is also The Hypocrite. She can't apply rigorous academic standards towards her life and stand not knowing some things, in spite of knowing (ahem, see she proves her hypocritical point again!) very well some things can't be known, at least not just yet.
Ignorance is Bliss. Knowing is Painful, esp when you can't seem to know beyond The Knowing, what your next best option is. You know you are supposed to act as if you don't know; it has never happened, it never did; it never will. The agony of knowing and the inability to question, to confront and to challenge this...this so-called knowledge. The mystery I will have to live with...bad, bad, bad!
*
It irritates the hell outta me when people find me abstract, or remark that I ask too many questions/think too much etc etc. Don't blame your stupidity on me. It's not my fault you can't think, don't think hard enough, ask too few questions, or ypu are a natural escapist from the very complex issues that emerge simply by trying to live an honest life with honour and dignity.
*
But I was defeated recently. I suppressed my desire to know, my propensity to probe, because I don't think I want to know, come to think of it. Partly because maybe I share the person's thoughts on the outcome should we both realise we know (so what's the point in stating the obvious), and mostly because I don't know what I will do, can do, should do, if things work out differently in the confessional confrontation I evisage in my lousy and lame imagination. Like I say, until the crux, I can't second-guess myself. It's absolutely futile.
I hate, hate not knowing. But I also know the person will not help me to know unless I profess to know first. Let's just wait and see who gets finished off first by this inane waste of time.
*
Incidentally, the line I always used to reject people and/or to buy time was: Let me see, I have ontological, epistemological, moral, existential, *insert whatever brand of philosophy I happened to be reading up on* doubt about this. I'll get back to you. It leaves people stunned and you just have to walk off coolly. Don't bother to explain, unless you are sincere about making friends with these same people.
*
Ah, those golden days in which I could expound freely and easily theories of knowledge and morals (the lack of, I mean) :) I miss screwing my Hons mates with impossible philosophy and exchanging witty, acerbic and mostly irreverent remarks together, totally disrupting discussions and cracking up Dr Ang, esp. I think my exchange with Yaomien during sci-fic seminars on fish and sheep (Philosophical Investigations) was a classic. Now, my brain is atrophying, I am afraid. But once upon a time, dear reader, I was An Intellect.
*
There is no such thing as knowing, according to The Sceptic. But The Sceptic is also The Hypocrite. She can't apply rigorous academic standards towards her life and stand not knowing some things, in spite of knowing (ahem, see she proves her hypocritical point again!) very well some things can't be known, at least not just yet.
Ignorance is Bliss. Knowing is Painful, esp when you can't seem to know beyond The Knowing, what your next best option is. You know you are supposed to act as if you don't know; it has never happened, it never did; it never will. The agony of knowing and the inability to question, to confront and to challenge this...this so-called knowledge. The mystery I will have to live with...bad, bad, bad!
*
It irritates the hell outta me when people find me abstract, or remark that I ask too many questions/think too much etc etc. Don't blame your stupidity on me. It's not my fault you can't think, don't think hard enough, ask too few questions, or ypu are a natural escapist from the very complex issues that emerge simply by trying to live an honest life with honour and dignity.
*
But I was defeated recently. I suppressed my desire to know, my propensity to probe, because I don't think I want to know, come to think of it. Partly because maybe I share the person's thoughts on the outcome should we both realise we know (so what's the point in stating the obvious), and mostly because I don't know what I will do, can do, should do, if things work out differently in the confessional confrontation I evisage in my lousy and lame imagination. Like I say, until the crux, I can't second-guess myself. It's absolutely futile.
I hate, hate not knowing. But I also know the person will not help me to know unless I profess to know first. Let's just wait and see who gets finished off first by this inane waste of time.
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