I have decided to keep track of my days again. What I have done, left undone; my falling, the feelings and the now-and-then failings. Four years since I last blogged (before blogging was even described as blogging and became the ridiculous phenomenon it is now), four years of my life lost for words, faltering and fumbling my way through, believing I was too busy to write, that I only had time for academic papers...and of course that occasional obligatory prosaic poetry/prose piece to commemorate the falling, those feelings and the failings. But they were never enough, those writings, to tell my stories. And I lost four bloody years and lost many, many words, all because I bought the notion I was busy. What rubbish.

Four years later, all I have to show for my so-called busy life is a lousy Hons degree that I have no use for in my current job. So crossed that. I also have a stack of English poetry and Chinese 文艺小小说 gathering dust in my drawers. So semi-crossed that. I may have something to show for it but it hardly translates to having something worth showing. I have toyed countlessly with the idea of sending out manuscripts but each time, I conceded equally happily and eagerly, that I was too busy. I also have my songs and my voice and I used to have a tape recorder. But again, I procrastinated so much, I never got to sending out tape demos to stations and record companies and even the recorder is gone now. And then there's all those negative kilos of karma gained that I can't cross out. Just thinking of how I have wasted my time makes me sick.

So yes, I will blog, blog, blog to keep track of where my time flew to, to make bloody sure I do what I set out to do, to get disciplined again in terms of writing regularly. Right now, my perennial excuse for not writing is I don't have a place to because truly, my workdesk is just a horrendous mess of clutter.