Fall Out vs Fall In
On Wednesday night, I told Mr Dimples in a friendly but frank and firm manner that he sucked and that he had let me down horribly in two ways: not offering a decent and acceptable apology is one and second is not showing care and concern either from the standpoint of a good friend or that of a human being (in particular one who was the indirect cause of my being robbed).
Am I not a good friend? I asked earnestly. You have to tell me if that is so, and I can happily demote you from my hierarchy of friends and stop the delusional thought that we are indeed quite pally. I do expect my inner circles of friends to conduct themselves in a suitably loyal and staunchly supportive manner and I am honestly distressed that you chose to abide by the silent code of neutrality in this instance. Are you lesser the person I believed you were and that I had terribly misunderstood my importance to you? Do not take me or my reaction for granted, please.
I learnt two things about him that night: that he is “boh sim” (in his friends’ words and he readily agreed) and that what I considered to be a commonsensical sign of either goodwill or strong friendship, he sees it as a monumental gesture exclusively reserved to his girlfriend/wife/family member. Just as I am surprised (me: Don’t you need to practise to see what you are capable of giving?), he is equally stunned (him: So how do you treat your boyfriend to be in a way that is distinctly different from towards friends such that there is preferential differential)? He also committed to heart that I like people to do mind-reading and attempt the pre-emptive strike ie take the initiative. Like I told him, now that I have shared with you how I feel, whatever apology that comes after that, I no longer value, because I had to literally request and earn it, when it should have easily been mine.
We did meander a lot in the course of the 2 hours + phone chat. But it went better than I hoped. He took it well, if only because I was careful not to pick aggravating words and focused on describing why I am upset and disappointed: nothing to do with being robbed but rather his lack of reaction that made me feel shortchanged as his friend.
It was 2am by the time we decided to call it a night. I felt slightly better that he spent so much time talking with me despite having to work the next day just so to seek closure for the unfortunate JB incident that could destroy my favourable impressions of him (whereas I was on leave). Given that he has not talked so late and so long for 6 years + (according to him) this can only mean I’m a blue chip in his friendship stakes?
*
Two nights later, I was horrified to see him approaching my Ben n Jerry’s table at which point I happened to be caught red-handed in the presence of two other guys. He had walked over to say hi as he was with his uni/jc pals (guys and girls) window-shopping in Cathay and then saw him. While my companions were definitely not specimens I would be ashamed to be seen with, I was strangely mortified and could only stammer weakly and wish him away: yes, you, leave, now! I will not introduce my friends to you!
*
And yesterday, we were msn-ing about watching the phantom opera together. From nowhere,
He: Hmm. Tell you what. You go get good circle 1 seats for Sat or Sun afternoon - 5th or 6th May. I'll pay for both tickets as apology for your robbery in my car. (NB: I get the tickets in my name first ‘cos I get discount. But like I laughingly pointed out to him later on, why should I help you save $ at the expense of my time and efforts if you are paying for my ticket already in the first place?)
He: How's that?
Me says *after a long, long pause* : That's a very kind thought but you don't have to.
Me: Was this because of what i said on the phone that night?
He: It's not related to our conversation that night
He: I would have offered this even without our conversation that night. Paying for a new phone or new camera is too ex for me, but a show as a perk for your traumatising robbery in my car, I can do.
While I was mulling over what to reply that wouldn’t hurt his feelings and would maintain my dignity in the face of rejection, he called to explain again and turns out he is also throwing in a capped at $100 dinner per pax at a place of my choice ie for me and him.
It’s quite lovely to be spoilt and another to actually accept, I think I will just do a really good dinner at his expense and pay my own way for the phantom. Nevertheless, it is super cool that he is acceding to my pristine standards of a good friend. I am at peace now.
Am I not a good friend? I asked earnestly. You have to tell me if that is so, and I can happily demote you from my hierarchy of friends and stop the delusional thought that we are indeed quite pally. I do expect my inner circles of friends to conduct themselves in a suitably loyal and staunchly supportive manner and I am honestly distressed that you chose to abide by the silent code of neutrality in this instance. Are you lesser the person I believed you were and that I had terribly misunderstood my importance to you? Do not take me or my reaction for granted, please.
I learnt two things about him that night: that he is “boh sim” (in his friends’ words and he readily agreed) and that what I considered to be a commonsensical sign of either goodwill or strong friendship, he sees it as a monumental gesture exclusively reserved to his girlfriend/wife/family member. Just as I am surprised (me: Don’t you need to practise to see what you are capable of giving?), he is equally stunned (him: So how do you treat your boyfriend to be in a way that is distinctly different from towards friends such that there is preferential differential)? He also committed to heart that I like people to do mind-reading and attempt the pre-emptive strike ie take the initiative. Like I told him, now that I have shared with you how I feel, whatever apology that comes after that, I no longer value, because I had to literally request and earn it, when it should have easily been mine.
We did meander a lot in the course of the 2 hours + phone chat. But it went better than I hoped. He took it well, if only because I was careful not to pick aggravating words and focused on describing why I am upset and disappointed: nothing to do with being robbed but rather his lack of reaction that made me feel shortchanged as his friend.
It was 2am by the time we decided to call it a night. I felt slightly better that he spent so much time talking with me despite having to work the next day just so to seek closure for the unfortunate JB incident that could destroy my favourable impressions of him (whereas I was on leave). Given that he has not talked so late and so long for 6 years + (according to him) this can only mean I’m a blue chip in his friendship stakes?
*
Two nights later, I was horrified to see him approaching my Ben n Jerry’s table at which point I happened to be caught red-handed in the presence of two other guys. He had walked over to say hi as he was with his uni/jc pals (guys and girls) window-shopping in Cathay and then saw him. While my companions were definitely not specimens I would be ashamed to be seen with, I was strangely mortified and could only stammer weakly and wish him away: yes, you, leave, now! I will not introduce my friends to you!
*
And yesterday, we were msn-ing about watching the phantom opera together. From nowhere,
He: Hmm. Tell you what. You go get good circle 1 seats for Sat or Sun afternoon - 5th or 6th May. I'll pay for both tickets as apology for your robbery in my car. (NB: I get the tickets in my name first ‘cos I get discount. But like I laughingly pointed out to him later on, why should I help you save $ at the expense of my time and efforts if you are paying for my ticket already in the first place?)
He: How's that?
Me says *after a long, long pause* : That's a very kind thought but you don't have to.
Me: Was this because of what i said on the phone that night?
He: It's not related to our conversation that night
He: I would have offered this even without our conversation that night. Paying for a new phone or new camera is too ex for me, but a show as a perk for your traumatising robbery in my car, I can do.
While I was mulling over what to reply that wouldn’t hurt his feelings and would maintain my dignity in the face of rejection, he called to explain again and turns out he is also throwing in a capped at $100 dinner per pax at a place of my choice ie for me and him.
It’s quite lovely to be spoilt and another to actually accept, I think I will just do a really good dinner at his expense and pay my own way for the phantom. Nevertheless, it is super cool that he is acceding to my pristine standards of a good friend. I am at peace now.
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