Bitter The Bitten
I have a question: if I were calm and unfazed in the face of calamity, does it trivalise and discredit what happened and makes it easy to dismiss because I am purportedly taking it well?
One more: since when does the refusal to go into hysteria and histrionics get interpreted rudely as nonchalance and disinterest?
I guess it really is a two way street. He can pose the exact same questions to me and send me reeling since I am unhappy at his neutrality. I haven’t asked him but I’m dying to.
Feeling particularly angsty and embittered. Now that I am running around trying to buy back what I have lost after doing the practical stuff ie IC replacement, bank cards, I have had time to think and feel, and I am very sorry to announce that the ugly beast of rationality has raised its head.
I felt resentful for the greater part of today. I suspect I will bear a grudge against Mr Dimples forever for this. I despise him for not issuing a formal apology stating it was also his fault and for not even pretending to offer to buy me back some of the stolen items to offset my losses. His aftermath reaction was one of helpless sheepishness at best.
I had a long talk on msn with Best Friend who contributed to my bitterness before this. Like I told her, I had tried darnest to be fair to Mr Dimples, to give benefit of the doubt and crap like that, and in the process, concluded that taking my resentment to its logical conclusion, I should be (and did end up) pretty mad at everyone else who knew about my “suffering”.
I was thinking that Mr Dimples had not acted like a good friend or exhibited signs of basic human decency through extraordinary insensitivity. But then as I tried to reason with myself, there are so many others whom I can be mad at because they had not been able to give me what I want or to pre-empt my immediate needs (to feel cared for and concerned by) despite knowing what happened. Let me stress here it’s nothing about $$$ but more of how my friends can display their support and make me feel less shitty. For example, You could have offered to paid for last night’s dinner as a token gesture but you did not – we went Dutch. Another example: You did not probe deeply enough into how your phone plan works for my sake. And there’s You and You, where Mr Dimples failed, you two could have suggested all three chipped in to buy back one item for me.
Only two on my msn asked me what happened and no one was concerned enough to call me. Another You who asked, I was in no mood to reply, I thought You could have called given our years of friendship. I din reply and You moved on without finding out. That was disappointing too. Shall I include the blog lurkers while I’m at it? Why not, You suck too for not caring about me!!!!
Yups, it was a damn lousy day whereby I hated the world and the world doesn’t care.
But back to Best Friend, we had a talk and I feel significantly less bitter and disillusioned.
Just because you don’t ask doesn’t mean you don't love me any more right?
But I just wish I can feel Your care and concern and not having to pathetically self-justify and 自圆其说 that you do look out for me.
One more: since when does the refusal to go into hysteria and histrionics get interpreted rudely as nonchalance and disinterest?
I guess it really is a two way street. He can pose the exact same questions to me and send me reeling since I am unhappy at his neutrality. I haven’t asked him but I’m dying to.
Feeling particularly angsty and embittered. Now that I am running around trying to buy back what I have lost after doing the practical stuff ie IC replacement, bank cards, I have had time to think and feel, and I am very sorry to announce that the ugly beast of rationality has raised its head.
I felt resentful for the greater part of today. I suspect I will bear a grudge against Mr Dimples forever for this. I despise him for not issuing a formal apology stating it was also his fault and for not even pretending to offer to buy me back some of the stolen items to offset my losses. His aftermath reaction was one of helpless sheepishness at best.
I had a long talk on msn with Best Friend who contributed to my bitterness before this. Like I told her, I had tried darnest to be fair to Mr Dimples, to give benefit of the doubt and crap like that, and in the process, concluded that taking my resentment to its logical conclusion, I should be (and did end up) pretty mad at everyone else who knew about my “suffering”.
I was thinking that Mr Dimples had not acted like a good friend or exhibited signs of basic human decency through extraordinary insensitivity. But then as I tried to reason with myself, there are so many others whom I can be mad at because they had not been able to give me what I want or to pre-empt my immediate needs (to feel cared for and concerned by) despite knowing what happened. Let me stress here it’s nothing about $$$ but more of how my friends can display their support and make me feel less shitty. For example, You could have offered to paid for last night’s dinner as a token gesture but you did not – we went Dutch. Another example: You did not probe deeply enough into how your phone plan works for my sake. And there’s You and You, where Mr Dimples failed, you two could have suggested all three chipped in to buy back one item for me.
Only two on my msn asked me what happened and no one was concerned enough to call me. Another You who asked, I was in no mood to reply, I thought You could have called given our years of friendship. I din reply and You moved on without finding out. That was disappointing too. Shall I include the blog lurkers while I’m at it? Why not, You suck too for not caring about me!!!!
Yups, it was a damn lousy day whereby I hated the world and the world doesn’t care.
But back to Best Friend, we had a talk and I feel significantly less bitter and disillusioned.
Just because you don’t ask doesn’t mean you don't love me any more right?
But I just wish I can feel Your care and concern and not having to pathetically self-justify and 自圆其说 that you do look out for me.
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