Cold Nights
Again, life can’t be too bad if I can go for dinner on a working Tuesday night with YQ and Eric. Interestingly (even ironically), Minxiu had wanted to catch Cold Showers same time today at the infamous theatre where anonymous and forgotten old men supposedly jerk off while self-proclaimed film freaks suffer the indignities of being seen there on the pretext that it was for the love borne of movies. But the dinner was pre-planned.
(Don’t see the correlation? Two guys, one girl – get it, get it? Oh, nevermind. It was a lame link - but it was interesting and ironic because precisely it doesn’t work that way, not for us three. But I’ve got the Rent soundtrack in my hands now, and that’s what counts.)
*
I didn’t see the boyfriend at the wedding. His girlfriend came up and made small talk. It’s okay. The boyfriend isn’t who the onion lady thinks he is, lah. He’s got veins, but he’s too short, so that dooms it to the kill after it had too much of a head and heart start. Yes, the head and heart start, in spite of all our literary grounding that words don’t mean themselves and there’s always the eternal gap between enunciation and understanding. Now that we do recall those wise teachings, our paths are thus eternally deferred, and hence never crossing, and I’ve come to terms with my vulnerability and the maleness of absence.
*
Ruth and I went out with Dorcas on Sat night. It was weird, to say the least, to hear Dorcas bringing Mr Veins up (they are colleagues and have the occasional lunch together) and quizzing me lightly in a most innocent context. But I have been sullied by his presence, and embraced its cleaner cousin, absence and no longer know how to speak of us in the plural and in the same useless breath.
*
Entry, Interrupted with Bad Lines That Don’t Even Rhyme:
In work world, I’m important and I’m still small.
I’ve been entrusted to be in charge
And it’s been a steep and exciting learning curve.
I’m still high and
Moving, moving as such.
It’s a heavy responsibility
One which I carry
With bursting, bursting pride
Life suddenly has a direction. I feel good. Just quite, quite tired from rushing to get things done. Not just for this biggie, but also some others that I have my hands and feet in. Can’t extricate!!
I need to take off.
Goodbye, Cruel You.
(Don’t see the correlation? Two guys, one girl – get it, get it? Oh, nevermind. It was a lame link - but it was interesting and ironic because precisely it doesn’t work that way, not for us three. But I’ve got the Rent soundtrack in my hands now, and that’s what counts.)
*
I didn’t see the boyfriend at the wedding. His girlfriend came up and made small talk. It’s okay. The boyfriend isn’t who the onion lady thinks he is, lah. He’s got veins, but he’s too short, so that dooms it to the kill after it had too much of a head and heart start. Yes, the head and heart start, in spite of all our literary grounding that words don’t mean themselves and there’s always the eternal gap between enunciation and understanding. Now that we do recall those wise teachings, our paths are thus eternally deferred, and hence never crossing, and I’ve come to terms with my vulnerability and the maleness of absence.
*
Ruth and I went out with Dorcas on Sat night. It was weird, to say the least, to hear Dorcas bringing Mr Veins up (they are colleagues and have the occasional lunch together) and quizzing me lightly in a most innocent context. But I have been sullied by his presence, and embraced its cleaner cousin, absence and no longer know how to speak of us in the plural and in the same useless breath.
*
Entry, Interrupted with Bad Lines That Don’t Even Rhyme:
In work world, I’m important and I’m still small.
I’ve been entrusted to be in charge
And it’s been a steep and exciting learning curve.
I’m still high and
Moving, moving as such.
It’s a heavy responsibility
One which I carry
With bursting, bursting pride
Life suddenly has a direction. I feel good. Just quite, quite tired from rushing to get things done. Not just for this biggie, but also some others that I have my hands and feet in. Can’t extricate!!
I need to take off.
Goodbye, Cruel You.
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