This is it. I am officially giving up on people and turning to my writings for solace and assuring comfort. I am dependable but people in general, are a heartless lot. As a rule, I dun look for people, people date me. But for the last two days, when I finally decide to ask humanity out on my own, my goodness, you wun believe how difficult it is to get company without them defaulting on you. Even when you said half-seriously, I really want to do this and it wld mean a lot to me.

People dun fucking give a shit. Kinda put my accomodating and receptive nature in perspective. It's time to QC and pull the disappearing act on the world. People dun fucking care, until they are in desperate need, then they remember how good and great the goddess you are. When the goddess descends on the world, the world bloody abandon the goddess.

I've decided to ignore a couple of idiots for the rest of my life. I have been refusing to answer calls from a certain number 'coz I'm so mad to the extent I switched off my phone after he called repeatedly for 8 times and more after I hung up on him. No need to explain. I'm less angry with this person now that he has stopped calling and it's been 24 hs since the committed offence (which wasn't that heinous but I was in a really foul mood and I wouldn't tolerate nonsense). If he dares to call again (I suspect he cld be angry that I'm this angry and dun want to listen to him, but do I care? No, I'm troubled as it is and nobody bothers shit), I will pick up and deal with the mess. Besides, we were supposed to watch Big Fish coming Saturday. But I'm damn pissed with the world and I dun care if the source is unreasonable. I just think I'm so bloody shortchanged in life.

It's so difficult to get proper and decent company these days with no strings attached. It's also difficult to face that people are heartless and forgetful and stupid but I'm getting used to the idea, warming up to that actually.

I have gorgeous and sexy hair now but there's no one to admire it, so that's also tragic. Most tragic, if I may say so.

Dun ask me why, but some people might be willing to do whatever I desire to do with me but I just dun feel like taking advantage of that. Some I dun ask at all, even though they are the ones I would dearly love to see. So I ask some others and I get shit. I think I would be alone for a while. I'm sick of men and women alike. Excuse me while I write my pining romances with more worthy heros and heroines instead of spending my precious time with the rotting likes of you.

And what rubbish is this:

Dear Angeline,

Not all thesis are lodged with Library. The new policy is that the
Library only accepts selected theses ie theses that have a minimum
grade. I hope this helps.

Regards,

Angeline Ang
Department of English Language and Literature

WTF. WTF. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. This is really the ultimate to top off these lousy days; it's depressing to know my thesis falls officially into that category that falls below the minimum standards ie CMI. I'm incredulous because my prof/sup assured me the thesis was all right. Shared my misery with her. She was superbly re-affirming and re-affirmative:

Didn't know about this ruling at all
-- must find out what on earth they mean! And I don't know what they mean
about 'minimum' grade -- there was nothing at all wrong with your thesis!
Maybe they're being really picky and taking only a few -- I know we were
very short of space -- don't be upset -- I want a copy! As I said, I knew
nothing of any of this. In any case, forget it -- your worth is not
measured by stupid things like whether your thesis is lodged in the NUs
library -- you have a fine mind and elegant intelligence!

Well, I know having the thesis in the library does not prove or refute anything.

It's just that, to use a crude analogy:

I gave birth under the impression and belief if the baby is healthy, it will go to a gd hme. The baby appeared relatively healthy and I tot it had gone to a gd hme. Now that I am checking on my baby's status, it's a very rude shock to discover the hme that shld house it (through a secondary medium) has rejected it.

My priority is to find/rescue my baby (get my thesis back if the lit department has no further use for it and it's just lying somewhere in someone's way, clogging up space). It was a lot of hard work to form it and i want it back, if the hme doesn't.

I love and value my baby a lot and I'm committed to taking care of it. I remain proud of it,
no matter what.

Thank you to my prof/sup for helping to nurse it then and for being its very supportive god-mother all these while!

I'm so disillusioned and disappointed at the rest of the tasteless, heartless world. Excuse me while I hibernate for a while, I'm so sick of you, you, you and you. Dun call coz I wun pick up. I will just write for the remaining of my wk-long vacation. I'm sick of ur whines, sick of your insensitivity, sick of being there when you are never here (so thankless and ill-appreciated), when you deliver shit in my moments of need so babes, just f*** off, will you and be dignified and mature and learn how to be alone since you offer such lousy, insipid company. Like I say, I much rather write and imagine things than endure another minute of you. I'm fatigued.