Went out with April, who had a hole in her foot. Din manage to buy anything useful or pretty. Just ate a lot of food which was Very Bad for me...'cos I'm supposed to be saving up calories for Sunday. Watching Something's Gotta Give with Po and thereafter, we are going to chalk up a $50 bill (easy feat, no sweat) together so as to buy a Peking Duck at the same restaurant for 72 cents.
The day ended with April and I, discussing and dissing friends (how come ppl dun value friendships or/and are bloody irritating because they hide things from you...dun come clean/keep bugging you needlessly when you are disinterested and have stated so). But of course April was a lot more gentle than vehement and venomous me. I mean I seriously get pissed and upset when I think about HH and WW for those in the know. But who cares. I have not seen both for at least eight months and I have realised I have no desire or need to. But HH is truly the kindest, sweetest soul I have come across and I will forgive her if she has a good reason for acting the way she has been acting. WW is an airhead and desperation personified. Unless she changes her man-crazy ways and flippancy towards girlfriends, she can carry on life without me. Last heard, her boyfriend dumped her. She sms-ed me the info voluntarily and then said dun ask her about it, she wun say. I sms-ed her I don't care and what makes her think I give a damn. Cruel? Not, when you consider in yours truly moment of need (and such moments are rarest rare), she told me, sorry, she had to meet her guy for dinner. Like hello? I happen to know they were together everyday then. So. Anyway, they are so sticky and she reeks so of desperation (she already has very few friends...I knew her since secondary school), obviously it's only a matter of time before someone gets tired of someone. I do realise how condescending I am in my catty remarks now but she really is most deserving. I'm rather nice and amusing as a rule. And I make an effort to ensure all are happy unless there's something terribly wrong that I wun put up with. Trust me on that.
Insecure about hair today. I seriously think for me, a happy day is a good hair day. And a good hair day is created by having at least a one-day-old hair (in terms of wash). Today I washed hair before meeting April and it was a 2-hour-old-hair and eek. It was dry and dead and rather frizzy, but no less curly. As I sit typing now, my hair has settled down and I looked quite sweet and demure. Too bad no one is here to admire and family obviously dun count.
My nine-day break from work starts officially today. Excuse me while I morph into a teenage delinquent who ktv-s, shops, haunts malls, walks aimlessly with kakis. Let me try to write in between and play the role of struggling writer. Allow me to get sufficient sleep. Do remind me to run mornings and hopefully nights, if I really can (but having a social life deprives me of the luxury). Give me the strength to tidy up the mess I left in the house every now and then and let the tidiness last for once before my mum drives me outta the flat.
April told me to 算了. When I told her how even after a relatively happy get-together (which I will be happy), even if nothing happened in between our pseudo dates, I will eventually end up unhappy just thinking about us, re-interpreting us, re-playing scenes to reinterpret and to largely downplay and re-manage a lot of things. Which is crazy. Insane. Nuts. He did nothing (let's just put aside how maybe nothing is the problem because the important thing is to be happy together which we did both concur, rather maturely and amicably, that we are happy together) to make me feel bad but I will just emote various shades of blueness and blackness that range from melancholy to anger to disgust (usually disgust is directed at myself...) anyway.
While all these are excellent material for my novels, I really dun think it's very healthy for me to second-guess myself in such an obsessive manner when I could use such time better. I tell myself it's good only in the way I work out a story to tell. Maybe that's why I can't finish my novel coz it just gets longer and weirder the way some things have been working towards not a conclusion, but a prolonged journey in which I dunno where it would take me. Where's my ending?
I can petulantly and tempestuously decide on a lot of things. So. So what. So there. So go away and leave me (alone).
不值得 Dreamz FM
除了想你 除了爱你 我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记 整理心情(打开心情) 我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过 你在敷衍我 一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心 无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫 不值得我考虑 不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起 不值得想起 不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃 早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你 不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心 放弃爱你
The day ended with April and I, discussing and dissing friends (how come ppl dun value friendships or/and are bloody irritating because they hide things from you...dun come clean/keep bugging you needlessly when you are disinterested and have stated so). But of course April was a lot more gentle than vehement and venomous me. I mean I seriously get pissed and upset when I think about HH and WW for those in the know. But who cares. I have not seen both for at least eight months and I have realised I have no desire or need to. But HH is truly the kindest, sweetest soul I have come across and I will forgive her if she has a good reason for acting the way she has been acting. WW is an airhead and desperation personified. Unless she changes her man-crazy ways and flippancy towards girlfriends, she can carry on life without me. Last heard, her boyfriend dumped her. She sms-ed me the info voluntarily and then said dun ask her about it, she wun say. I sms-ed her I don't care and what makes her think I give a damn. Cruel? Not, when you consider in yours truly moment of need (and such moments are rarest rare), she told me, sorry, she had to meet her guy for dinner. Like hello? I happen to know they were together everyday then. So. Anyway, they are so sticky and she reeks so of desperation (she already has very few friends...I knew her since secondary school), obviously it's only a matter of time before someone gets tired of someone. I do realise how condescending I am in my catty remarks now but she really is most deserving. I'm rather nice and amusing as a rule. And I make an effort to ensure all are happy unless there's something terribly wrong that I wun put up with. Trust me on that.
Insecure about hair today. I seriously think for me, a happy day is a good hair day. And a good hair day is created by having at least a one-day-old hair (in terms of wash). Today I washed hair before meeting April and it was a 2-hour-old-hair and eek. It was dry and dead and rather frizzy, but no less curly. As I sit typing now, my hair has settled down and I looked quite sweet and demure. Too bad no one is here to admire and family obviously dun count.
My nine-day break from work starts officially today. Excuse me while I morph into a teenage delinquent who ktv-s, shops, haunts malls, walks aimlessly with kakis. Let me try to write in between and play the role of struggling writer. Allow me to get sufficient sleep. Do remind me to run mornings and hopefully nights, if I really can (but having a social life deprives me of the luxury). Give me the strength to tidy up the mess I left in the house every now and then and let the tidiness last for once before my mum drives me outta the flat.
April told me to 算了. When I told her how even after a relatively happy get-together (which I will be happy), even if nothing happened in between our pseudo dates, I will eventually end up unhappy just thinking about us, re-interpreting us, re-playing scenes to reinterpret and to largely downplay and re-manage a lot of things. Which is crazy. Insane. Nuts. He did nothing (let's just put aside how maybe nothing is the problem because the important thing is to be happy together which we did both concur, rather maturely and amicably, that we are happy together) to make me feel bad but I will just emote various shades of blueness and blackness that range from melancholy to anger to disgust (usually disgust is directed at myself...) anyway.
While all these are excellent material for my novels, I really dun think it's very healthy for me to second-guess myself in such an obsessive manner when I could use such time better. I tell myself it's good only in the way I work out a story to tell. Maybe that's why I can't finish my novel coz it just gets longer and weirder the way some things have been working towards not a conclusion, but a prolonged journey in which I dunno where it would take me. Where's my ending?
I can petulantly and tempestuously decide on a lot of things. So. So what. So there. So go away and leave me (alone).
不值得 Dreamz FM
除了想你 除了爱你 我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记 整理心情(打开心情) 我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过 你在敷衍我 一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心 无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫 不值得我考虑 不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起 不值得想起 不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃 早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你 不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心 放弃爱你
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