The Entry That Finally Made Its Way In
A Leftover from 2 March - the half-hearted entry:
I got a pair of paua earrings from New Zealand, from Meihui. Plus, a bag from Shanghai, presumably so, since Boss just holiday-ed there and I was presented with the gift today. But the general sense of dullness recently troubling me was unassailable (and infatiguable) - not even pretty things succeed in bribing a somewhat brighter thought out, as they usually will.
Being very, very busy, and yet very, very, very bored is an accursed state to find oneself in. Dreadful.
I have been doing some readings lately, in preparation of the test. It feels good to be a student again, a member of the intelligentsia. I fall into old habits easily and gladly. Like having pauses between reads, being generally flippant, and feeling like a sponge. And the ultimate - being happy because I forget all that I cover, seeing that as a sign things have actually percolated into the mind and memory - that was a quirk developed then.
*
Fast forwarding to today. My test was yesterday. There was a moment that I just felt like throwing in the towel - do I really hanker after this enough to sit through and actually do the whole paper? But then I've many such moments in life ie exhibiting my Chineseness, exerting self-restraint and be a poster girl for good manners (It would be rude to hand in paper that's lousy by virtue of leaving blanks). For example, oh my friend just said something so screwed-up and pissed me completely. Should I walk off and not look back? Usually I simply breathe and fast forward to the good bits, like I'll reach home very soon and be done with such foolishness. So same goes for the test, I breathed and crapped. I just hope everyone was atrocious and I was only bad in comparison. I don't really want to dwell on the sad state of affairs, both current and personal. But thanks to people who have helped one way or other, specially Ruth who stayed over at my place and provided support in all senses.
The natural thing to escape these nasty circumstances is to watch a movie. The natural choice is Sideways. If you insist on a one word review, it would be tender. The movie gently nudges the despairing (and failure of a ) writer protagonist along, reminding the audience with all its little nuances, that despite the setbacks and humiliations he suffered ( His ex-wife has remarried and is expecting while he still wills himself to get over her. Meanwhile, he is seeing a shrink, imbibes medication, gets routinely drunk, is sex-deprived, has a hilarious mismatched for best friend and his only hope of being published is eventually crushed. Loser, in short. And balding to boot.), this is one gem of a guy, even if he no longer thinks so himself. There are layers and there is layering. The movie quietly roots for the guy stumbling through a road trip filled with unexpected mayhem to discover his place and lot in life and that there's still somewhere for his tired hopes to rest and rise again.
I got a pair of paua earrings from New Zealand, from Meihui. Plus, a bag from Shanghai, presumably so, since Boss just holiday-ed there and I was presented with the gift today. But the general sense of dullness recently troubling me was unassailable (and infatiguable) - not even pretty things succeed in bribing a somewhat brighter thought out, as they usually will.
Being very, very busy, and yet very, very, very bored is an accursed state to find oneself in. Dreadful.
I have been doing some readings lately, in preparation of the test. It feels good to be a student again, a member of the intelligentsia. I fall into old habits easily and gladly. Like having pauses between reads, being generally flippant, and feeling like a sponge. And the ultimate - being happy because I forget all that I cover, seeing that as a sign things have actually percolated into the mind and memory - that was a quirk developed then.
*
Fast forwarding to today. My test was yesterday. There was a moment that I just felt like throwing in the towel - do I really hanker after this enough to sit through and actually do the whole paper? But then I've many such moments in life ie exhibiting my Chineseness, exerting self-restraint and be a poster girl for good manners (It would be rude to hand in paper that's lousy by virtue of leaving blanks). For example, oh my friend just said something so screwed-up and pissed me completely. Should I walk off and not look back? Usually I simply breathe and fast forward to the good bits, like I'll reach home very soon and be done with such foolishness. So same goes for the test, I breathed and crapped. I just hope everyone was atrocious and I was only bad in comparison. I don't really want to dwell on the sad state of affairs, both current and personal. But thanks to people who have helped one way or other, specially Ruth who stayed over at my place and provided support in all senses.
The natural thing to escape these nasty circumstances is to watch a movie. The natural choice is Sideways. If you insist on a one word review, it would be tender. The movie gently nudges the despairing (and failure of a ) writer protagonist along, reminding the audience with all its little nuances, that despite the setbacks and humiliations he suffered ( His ex-wife has remarried and is expecting while he still wills himself to get over her. Meanwhile, he is seeing a shrink, imbibes medication, gets routinely drunk, is sex-deprived, has a hilarious mismatched for best friend and his only hope of being published is eventually crushed. Loser, in short. And balding to boot.), this is one gem of a guy, even if he no longer thinks so himself. There are layers and there is layering. The movie quietly roots for the guy stumbling through a road trip filled with unexpected mayhem to discover his place and lot in life and that there's still somewhere for his tired hopes to rest and rise again.
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