Troubled

老师说我的致命伤是抓曲feel不精准，不稳。曲feel不对，我文笔再好，也始终不如一个写得平庸肤浅曲feel却ok的填词者。她还说我的词没带出市场所向往憧憬的脆弱，并用"理直气壮"来形容我的"风格"，这点 让我深感困扰。我不否认我会刻意"理直气壮"，不过这也只是为了传达词中故事的发展。从最初任性到最终懊悔和遗憾，难道就不是柔弱吗? 有30%沉默的抗议，50%的认真检讨， 20%的莫明其妙和100%的无奈和感慨。

100%的无奈和感慨 weigh me down when I am trying to work out why there is the perceived lack of vulnerability in my songs. After all, not-so-hypothetically-speaking, if I did write with the intent of sending subliminal messages in the vain hope that it will be sung and therefore played and heard by a party who has not demonstrated and directed affection towards me for the longest of times and has by default amply crushed any hopes of even maintaining platonic ties by blatantly ignoring me, surely the subliminal messages will carry (even if at times conflicting) my nuanced vulnerability and sadness. If it doesn't, really doesn't, my heightened ability to cross refer and put things in context to see The Big Picture argues that this perceived lack of vulnerability could be The One Reason why all promising relationships end up going nowhere. Am I being seen as someone who doesn't care, who is too strongheaded, that They-Whom-I-Like are never man enough for me, or so They think. Have I been sending out all the wrong signals?

This is depressing. Because I so totally disagree. Yet I can't disprove this theory at the moment.

Bits of the forementioned invulnerable song lyric:

我在想你 是凭吊的关系
因为会可惜 写到结局 没耐性是我的败笔
很对不起

我在想你 是归零的前提
就是来不及 面对爱你 最后还是停在这里
追不上去

留下的字迹 谁能代续 好久没有你的消息
我还在意