The Depths Of Shallowness

My job is not responsible for me

2011-01-02T22:16:00.004+08:00

Maybe I simply stopped writing on a personal basis because I have to write so much corporate literature for work. When I was based in the hill in younger days, there was blog fodder all the time because there was angst, anxiety and time, all inversely correlating to a lack of money and standing career-wise. Fast forward three years later, the $ + status has only led to a hedonistic and selfish

迈向理想生活

2010-10-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

这些日子以来，做的最好决定便是报读上梁老师的写词班。梁老师是良师，所以每堂课都有新体验，非常过瘾。梁老师说我写词很有感觉，叫我加油，更使我心花怒放，乐得不得了。近日，因工作活动得和梁老师联络，从而认识师母，让我觉得缘分还真是奇妙的东西。从前1994读自然同窗，没想到如今2010和两位主角称的上相识。刚通过简讯说了晚安(有工作在前提啦)，互相附送 =)，太不可思议了。不过，我喜欢！有梁老师指导，相信我能创作优秀的作品，卖出去！早日投入全职创作，迈向理想生活！

Touched & Touche!

2010-07-20T01:28:00.002+08:00

She had been looking forward to the night. It was just unfortunate that he sat two seats away from her instead of beside her. It could be worse, she supposed. She wasn’t expecting him to turn up at all, given the day’s events. At least, she could sneak a peek now and then, very furtively and admiringly so, sideways at this Very Suave And Manly Person.During the break, he aligned himself within

Being Bored

2010-07-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

I loathe the MRT. It is always packed to the brim on weekdays, and no matter what time I go home after work, it’s next to impossible to scoring a seat. Fine, but not only that, there’s the sheer indignity of relinquishing my personal space to some retard who has to air his armpits (and I would usually move away instead of subjecting any part of me to face that) or who thinks it’s perfectly all

Cheap Thrill & A Cheaper One

2010-07-01T16:47:00.002+08:00

I didn't see him yesterday or the day before. Just when I was walking along the corridor and opening the door to the ladies, and thinking (yes, I am a darn good multi-tasker), shucks, have used up my crush karma, someone made a sound behind me (some ah beng sound or clearing throat sound) and voila it’s him. I said hi, he said hi, and I quickly dived behind the door. I am shy, and coy like

We Should Meet Like This

2010-06-28T14:34:00.003+08:00

Very girlishly Japanese and stylishly attractive goes the thought bubble, as I admire my doppelganger in the mirror. I had decided to dress prettily today + parade my new Louis Vuitton Monogram Idylle Speedy30 Bandouliere (bought all the way from Paris, bless a dear friend). Well, we never know who I might meet on the train. Especially since we have established that he stays in the east and takes

On Writing (Again)

2010-06-27T23:29:00.002+08:00

Putting it as a cover story on national paper is one thing. Calling her the local equivalent of Carrie Bradshaw, to the extent of claiming she is the pioneer model for single women is really taking the cake. Call me cynical but hey, the guy got married and once he divorced, he had flown back to Singapore with the intent of finding two former girlfriends. One couldn’t be contacted, while the other

记得

2010-06-16T08:19:00.001+08:00

成功换了工作，重新投入市区的怀抱，已有两个月。没有刻意，没有可以不可，只是今早突然想起，我们，好久不见。再度相隔不过一个马路，或许，这一次，真的是尽了。连偶然，都难。一个人的生活，没有思念，习惯就OK。

Sleepless in Singapore

2010-01-30T04:04:00.003+08:00

The last time I remembered feeling this shitty on a Friday night, I said my good-byes the immediate Monday.The only difference is, in less than 6 hours, I will be seeing the same motley bunch again.Can someone save me from these headless chickens? I need a fast exit.:(

人生有几个十年

2010-01-04T08:20:00.003+08:00

明明知道是被世俗商业化的无聊数字游戏，不过，无功无过的顺理成章从2字头升级到3字头，进化到熟女阶段，还是会带来不安。左看右看都不象30岁的我，自认还有少女情怀的我，深刻体会时间的有限，可能来日真的没那么方长。过去的30年，患得患失的感激和遗憾一直在交错。当梁静茹唱把失去活成一种获得，我在揣摩最后拥有的，是不是所求。强悍的自尊心，为我挡得太多太多；可能就是这样，垂手可得的简单幸福终究离也自己好远好远，总有临门一脚的感慨。有些事就是有转机的局面、有挽回的余地，我竟选择坐以待旦，非要他人他事送上门不可。毕竟洪姑娘有的是时间长期奋战，来硬的，我就是等(玩)得过你。不过，现在，30岁后的我务必要更积极、更坦然的面对自己的梦想和人生。那些苟且偷生，口是心非的日子不能再延续。值得我放下身段的东西有好多；值得我拥有的，是我要的，就不值得等太久了。虽然好事多磨，我原有的作风也过于拖拉了。何必跟自己过不去？

From 9 To 10

2010-01-02T01:05:00.007+08:00

The considerably long absence was because of hardware failure – it went into comatose after 8 years of dedicated service. So we decided to pull the plug and get a new one. Meanwhile, Christmas came and went; 2009 ended; and a decade was started.And I am still here. 2009 was a strange year of hedonism, excesses and materialism. I lived and travelled slightly over a month in Japan from two trips

离开你就是旅行的意义

2009-12-07T10:47:00.010+08:00

Japan, Autumn 2009, 23 Nov - 6 Dec(Including Koyasan, Nikko, Kurama, Kibune and Takao as newly marked territories among the usual old favourite haunts. Despite a 2D1N trip out of Tokyo, we could only manage to cover the shrines in Nikko and had to miss out entirely on its beautiful waterfalls and the we-simply-can't-find-it Lake Chuzenjin. Most eateries are closed by 4.30pm in the small town and

The Angelinesque Project: Day 7

2009-11-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

There is this person in my current company whom I have thought of as cute when I was still working in my previous company. Actually, I find him quite unconventionally and uncharacteristically hot now with the benefit of hindsight (thanks to goggle).Our paths have been crossing rather randomly since I started work here. But I have to admit I do nurse a secret thrill when we talk on the phone and

The Angelinesque Project: Day 5 & 6

2009-11-05T07:55:00.000+08:00

You don’t have to earn big bucks for me. Just enough to beat the market and inflation in the long run. To achieve capital appreciation would be what I considered a basic expectation, especially when I was prepared to wait it out. And I have believed that you can retain my trust in you and sustain our friendship over the money course.You and I both know that you are not a particularly slick, or

The Angelinesque Project: Day 4

2009-11-03T22:42:00.004+08:00

I am blogging with my mobile phone while lying on the bed and applying a relaxing face mask at the same time. Talk about multi-tasking. Today I thought about the future and decided it's time to review and rewrite my resume. Time to start shopping within the communications industry. I can be better and faster but you cannot demand for cheaper. Try asking Chanel and Hermes to lower prices. There

The Angelinesque Project: Day 3

2009-11-02T08:19:00.000+08:00

Will the quest to improve my life and up the happiness quotient end up in my blogging about the 365 or so items I have bought by the end of one year? Perhaps. I am just as inclined to throw away the stuff I have been hoarding for all kinds of excuses and excesses and be pleased with it. So really. Anything goes. Why be so hard on myself. Discipline can come in other forms. I rarely do buys and

The Angelinesque Project: Day 2

2009-11-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

On an average workday, it is almost impossible to run any errands, be it the productive kind or the purchasing sort, so I guard weekends zealously. Which usually means all those movies-and plays-to-catch; friends-to-meet activities hog the top spot on my to-do list and crunch up “me” time (and I seriously mean ME ONLY time) big time, and I am left scrambling for scraps of alone-ness to fit in

The Angelinesque Project: Day 1

2009-10-31T23:02:00.001+08:00

365 days. But no recipes. Or remedies either. Just one girl versus the world she once believed to be her oyster. She will not cave in; she will not be clammed in. She will give her life the makeover, and she has exactly a year to do that. There will be daily blogging to show her progress and the lack of. Big, lofty goals do not belong to this incubating period. We are talking about actively doing

Well. Oh Well.

2009-10-20T07:55:00.000+08:00

FB says his status has changed from being in a relationship to married.With the wisdom of hindsight, rhetoric questions are begged. The most pertinent being why he would want to contact me the week before that. All reasons would be excuses and just as futile.Looking back, I am mostly relieved that things didn’t work out along the way when I still was in it entirely for the thrill and fun while

原谅我就是这样的女生

2009-10-06T10:06:00.007+08:00

Sms received at 9.53am today.Good morning Angeline. On this cold and wet morning, I’m attempting to bridge this awkward lack of contact between us for the last 1 year plus. Lack of time could be a side reason, though lack of determination could be more likely. Would you want to meet up sometime this week for dinner?From Mr Dimples.*Is there anything more he could say, that could make things any

I LOVE YOU 无望

2009-08-30T23:56:00.003+08:00

亲爱的，对五月天的印象是在2000年终初萌芽的。那年，谈不上对他们有感觉，不过，我后来学会深深喜欢上的人，在和我第一次约会时，飙的就是<<温柔>>。现在每回听这首歌，特别有意思，尤其是有了<<温柔>>的还你自由Live版，我最爱听阿信歇斯底里地在演唱会呐喊: 我给你自，我给你自由，我给你自由，我给你自由，我给你全部全部全部全部自由。。。这是我的温柔，还你你的自由！好像代表了某人说出动人的话，让人能心平气和地接受最后还是一个人生活的局面。而跟阿信一起喊这些话，也能让我相信是我释放了他。于是我渐渐沉默，然后彻底安静了。这样的温柔，不是放弃。所以，即使不再来往，不知道他的去向，我还是很珍惜那段在一起的日子，甚至向往我们的故事在不远的未来还能有突破性的转折。而待续的答案，原来在五月天的歌中也找得着。在五月天2009年的828新加坡演唱会，我第一次听到I LOVE YOU 无望，

A Weird MSN Exchange

2009-07-31T20:40:00.005+08:00

This evening, like *seriously* from nowhereOptimus: oohhh are we playing 百万大歌星？Kitiara: you tell me. are we? (I have completely no idea his point of reference, so anyhow reply)Optimus: 我听见风来自地铁和人海我排著队拿著爱的号码牌*dawns on me it’s in context to my current MSN header which reads 我遇见谁会有怎样的对白我等的人他在多远的未来*Optimus: so do i get to the next stage????Kitiara: ok. passed.Optimus:春风吹呀吹吹动树枝头抖落一地愁烦恼不再有心跳的节奏是无言的交流**

Die, Fats, Die

2009-07-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

In the ten months that I have started working here, 5 kilos have sneakily planted themselves onto my frame. It’s a deadly combination of working late, lack of time thus to do my runs, then eating late, and not having any healthier options available during lunch. Plus, I get so tired these days, I usually cab to work (a prudent investment to me) in the mornings just to coax myself into a perkier

Straight Up

2009-06-16T22:58:00.005+08:00

The crooked cranny of Optimus – the part I am doubtful about - has been righted when he suddenly professed to thinking about marriage. But I supposed one can think about that even if one ain’t straight. I like starting the workday having long and slightly off-tangent + semi-serious msn chats with him (with him as the initiator of course). I like receiving his calls even if they last less than a

生存以上, 生活以下

2009-06-03T07:21:00.003+08:00

生存以上, 生活以下: 终於我的生命只剩生存; 活着只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活.How can I get out of this rut?*Optimus Prime to the rescue yesterday. The maddeningly mediocre day was made bearable by our msn chat. Apparently, he is auditioning for SI3 this weekend. Prior to that, he had passed an audition earlier for the Chinese version of Don't Forget The Lyrics. I will sing Better Man & probably Home by Michael Buble, he said. Why now,

I Think I Will Not Hang Myself Today

2009-05-28T07:55:00.001+08:00

Last Friday evening, luxuriating @Fosters in Holland V, and lost in our traditional English fare, dear Elaine and I were making tiny sighs of contentment, on how during moments like these, it seems that we were still very, very young and how everything would look not-so-dreary after all. Time was on our side, and ours to splurge on friends, with friends. Frivolity was not the stuff of dreams, and

安静了III: He Will Get It, Soon

2009-05-20T23:06:00.004+08:00

Today on msn, in the middle of a chat with YQ, who's Mr Dimples' colleague and our mutual friend -*unicef J says: Oh yeah. Mr Dimples asked me abt you today.*unicef J says: Specifically, did you change your hp number.He slipped it in so casually that I was slightly taken aback. Naturally, I simply ignored the remarks and continued with my description on places he should visit for Japan, which was

安静了II: When The Man Doesn't Get It

2009-05-07T23:44:00.004+08:00

I was taken aback to receive another sms from Mr Dimples, this time at 8.30am. Yes, in the morning of today.Mr Dimples: If you read today’s papers, there was this snatchthief in JB who was beaten up while robbing a woman. You are allowed to gain some comfort that it may be the same person who terrorised us and that justice has been done.I have no reply for him. But screaming words such as

安静了

2009-05-05T23:02:00.001+08:00

I received an unexpected sms around 10pm (!) today from Mr Dimples.I intend to ignore it, just like what I have been doing (nothing!) for his last sms to me and for the last few messages left on my facebook page.Maybe this time, he will really get it. I’m not going to respond and I never will.I couldn’t resist calling Best Friend and crowing about it though.Being absolutely catty, I wondered

The Personal Is Political III: AWARE-D

2009-05-04T05:12:00.002+08:00

Yes, I was there too at the EGM. It was in every way as magnificent as reported, and worse. At certain moments, it felt like a riot was going to break out. As usual, I was detachedly fascinated, marveling at how people were losing themselves in heated passion, even the top leaders on both sides, and wondering why I was merely assessing and dissembling the situation so casually in my head.Of

Leaving All Behind

2009-03-31T18:18:00.002+08:00

I'm taking my sister with me though.Annual pilgrimage to Japan 1 - 18 April, throwing in Kobe and Mt Koya along the way.Running a little fever now after the series of late nights in the office.What awaits me when I'm back in here?All I ask for is to be inspired, and time to think.

Happy

2009-03-26T22:57:00.005+08:00

It's almost 11pm and I'm still here, in the office. Bleah. Has been like this for the whole of this week.I hold on to a happy fragment that happened this morning. He added me on FB and MSN. Then when I logged on to the latter...Optimus: Good morningOptimus: I'm listening to the Hairspray soundtrack nowOptimus: The female lead's voice reminds me of youOptimus: :)Is he flirting with me!!!!

不会浪费爱妳的快乐

2009-03-09T23:12:00.001+08:00

I thought he went the other way as far as first impressions go and the grapevine grows. Then, when there were opportunities to chat, to opine, to eat and walk together, the man was charmingly manly and I was attractively girlish.I feel happy receiving his calls and sms-es.I exercised due diligence and conducted an online check. I was nowhere closer to the clarity of his sex.It’s getting harder to

My Valentine

2009-02-15T12:36:00.000+08:00

My Valentine date this year was an old friend and one of my favourite people in the world. “It” shall remain sexless and anonymous, because “it” made a specific request not to be named on my blog for reasons I fully support.So the well-dressed pair attended a double bill of Singapore Love Letters and Dark Knuts: Welcome to Avenue Quantum in celebration of togetherness.Singapore Love Letters,

The Single Modern Homemaker

2009-02-01T23:43:00.002+08:00

Having just returned from another all girls' gathering hosted by one of my favourite women in the world, I felt sufficiently inspired to have a new year resolution: give my home a small makeover, so that I can entertain and have visitors again.We start slow, and easy, in manageable and achievable forms:1. Buy and put up new curtains in three rooms2. Clean and polish marble floor3. Get a new TV4.

还是忍不住想问，然后怎样

2009-01-18T14:58:00.002+08:00

On the phone, more-or-less-the-gist:MX: Do you have anything happening recently worth celebrating? It can be anything! Trivial thing also can! Just think of a reason…Me: Er…I do have good news to share. I just got confirmed (for my job).MX: That’s a good reason. Now we can go celebrate by going to a friend’s NEWLY OPENED restaurant!Me: HAHAHAHA! *very amused*Actually, MX, we can go for fine

Bye 2008, Hello 2009

2009-01-03T10:58:00.001+08:00

Looking back on 2008, it was the year that I blogged the least. And when I did, it was usually angsty and introspective. Yet this was the defining year that I struggled to find my footing in life, with amazing success. I also learnt to move on in so many ways. I have tried some things and failed, and discovered that it’s not me. On top of being charming and cute, I have brute will-power. What

Being Non-Confrontational

2008-11-16T21:21:00.003+08:00

I’ve been non-confrontational for once. There was neither indignant outburst nor quiet simmering, just a heartfelt murmur hoping that the meet-up would never come to fruition, and that I would never confess how I feel to him.There was an series of sms exchanges on his birthday, the climactic moment being which Mr Dimples had the brilliant epiphany of arranging a threesome involving yours truly,

Two Weddings & A Walk

2008-11-02T01:28:00.002+08:00

It would be my first time seeing Mr Dimples after more than three months of absence (discounting phone calls and smses and msgs on Facebook) because of the wedding. While I din exactly take pains to look pretty, I’m glad it was a good hair day and I manage to look nice rather effortlessly in an emerald silk dress with French lace. I knew the bride had invited him and the partner, and, just in

当不爱了, 连回忆都是负荷

2008-10-27T06:54:00.003+08:00

I'm somewhat flattered in a bewildered way why Mr Veins would resort to blocking my email address on his Facebook (such that I can never see or contact him). I guess I must have traumatised him sufficiently for such extreme measures. Though whatever it was that I did, it sure didn't register on me even till now. I'm sorry the years between us hadn't made him react to me with any more maturity,

人不痴狂枉少年

2008-10-21T22:56:00.001+08:00

有些事情不是那么容易忘掉象你的人你要我哪里去找有些话听一次就整个心乱了谁管它到底真多少假多少I’m quite, quite happy where I am. Yet I am obliged to be pensive by my own ridiculous inclination towards the sentimental and romantic. It all began by remembering and wondering, that led to a faint, feigned pining for a long-lost love that became rather real. What happened to him? Just before I left the previous place, I had met him in the lift

20th Century Boys

2008-10-12T21:08:00.003+08:00

Watching the sneak preview of 20th Century Boys (20世紀少年, Nijusseiki Shōnen) was my biggest thrill over the weekend. I have never read the manga, much less heard of the story before this. But I was sold just seeing the trailer alone. Practically all my favourite first generation of A-listers from J-dorama in its heydays was in it. What’s there to dislike?!Yes, so I watched every scene in delight

Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend

2008-10-11T00:38:00.001+08:00

Just a quick incoherent post to capture my immediate feelings:I received a diamond from someone very dear to me, the ex-boss/mentor/close friend/surrogate mum!She had wanted to get me something and asked me what I wanted. The first thing that popped to mind was a pair of Birkenstock I had been obsessing over for the past three weeks. She barked no and promptly breezed into D’Meyson to browse

Haunted

2008-09-22T21:14:00.003+08:00

Boss and I were vetting the Halloween copy via msn today.Boss: Best scary dressed competition?Boss: Buay gum la.Boss: Most Haunted Look competition?Kitiara™ : I hope participants dun take it too literally.Kitiara™ : Most working adults already have the look. Haha.Kitiara™ : But yes, think that's much better - most haunted look.Boss: U win la liddat.Kitiara™: I cant win!! Level of hauntedness

More Forgettable Bang Than History-Making Boom

2008-09-21T16:05:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations of Jean Tay, whose first play Everything But The Brain was a script I love, that Boom was a letdown. The weird combination of exaggerated humour (grave humour literally, and I mean it in the noun sense - but yeah, pun intended, ‘cos the play took itself so seriously, that it was at times, making no/non sense), diction that left no room for imagination and a

The Invitation

2008-09-21T12:20:00.004+08:00

I like the literal-ness iterated in this prose poem by oriahmountaindreamer.Came across it on one of the office walls. Will be checking out her other works.Life is good and meaningful, having plenty to look forward to.Prancing, skipping, dancing, I do, I really do, accept the invitation, with my heart.__________________________________It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.I want to know

The Theory & The Story In An Analogy

2008-08-30T03:50:00.000+08:00

The result of pursuing, or rather, indulging in the desire for a meaningful life is emoting an awful lot because you are addicted to a spark of feeling that you are living, in the more than just breathing-and-eating-and-shitting way. The feeling is, as feelings are, slippery and therefore elusive, occasionally misleading, and even when you think you have it, stays nascent and nebulous for the

The Running For Life Project - Run For A Picture

2008-08-12T16:47:00.000+08:00

It's hard enough to focus on the pacing and remember to keep breathing regularly, while trying extremely hard not to outpant your fellow runners and to look sufficiently dignified at the same time for over an hour.Then you have the cameras aiming at you. Which you valiantly avoid because you know exactly how glamourous you look at this very titillating moment. Yes, you are hot, no doubt about it,

Between Chasing Cars & Waterfalls

2008-07-22T17:43:00.000+08:00

What should be The Choice?To invest time chasing cars safely and viciously in my head for life or squander it on chasing waterfalls instead of sticking to rivers and lakes I am used to.I hope I find my answers in Japan. Yes, I’m running away again. Meanwhile, I’m still here, right now.*I completed the 10km Shape run this year with a new personal best! I suspect 10km is my optimal distance at the

The Heartlander Speaks

2008-07-18T16:00:00.000+08:00

I successfully battled inertia and logic (there is no good reason you have to choose this, of all the better things you can do with your time etc) today to make a long overdue trip to the POSB bank. Having been too busy + lazy to update my POSB passbook for the past couple of years, it’s now or never, since I’m free, to get a new one once and for all. Yes, I need my passbook – I’m traditional

LONG VACATION

2008-07-06T10:45:00.000+08:00

当生活遇到瓶颈，我们做任何事都不顺利的时候，就当是老天爷恩赐给我们的悠长假期，不要操之过急。LONG VACATION, 借机重新编排人生，认识自己，拥抱生命。 * 原来十几年后，重看我从前热衷的90年代经典日剧，还能带来需要的冲击性启发、感动和慰籍。冷漠的都市里，每个人都寂寞。当强忍的痛苦和迷惘需通过某种形式取得瓦解和释放，你要如何勇敢面对?踏实的生活，算什么? 生命的价值如何衡量? 我还能幸福。

I Will Turn You Into A Sexually Virile, Intellectual, Well-dressed Prince

2008-06-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

Said I, waving the sugared wand for the third time - and hence using up the last of the wishes – in Meritus Mandarin.How the hell did I find myself with him again at 1am?He was working as my driver for some barang after work > he wanted to stop at Suntec to pick up his new phone > we had dinner at Tony Romas – his treat ‘cos he insisted he had to reward me for completing the marathon > we ended

Coming Full Circle: The Successful Completion Of The Running For Life Project In 2008 After Three Years In The Making

2008-06-01T15:00:00.000+08:00

And so with minimal training, the last run being two weeks ago and hitting only 16km (the furthest I have ever run), I sold my body to the adidas sundown marathon most excitedly at midnight yesterday.I did complete the race – not that there was ever any doubt on my part about not being able to – I’m a firm believer that personal dogged determination can power you anywhere literally, provided

Closer With Closure (Updated Further)

2008-05-22T16:40:00.000+08:00

Mr Dimples and I had been sitting by the beach of East Coast Park for the last three hours if you exclude the one hour spent in the small Japanese café.We both had a long crappy day at work and we know how misery loves serendipitous company. So we met and exchanged grievances over dinner. I didn’t feel like eating but ordered a cold miso tofu to make him happy.We definitely weren’t in the best of

No Class - Mostly In The I-Miss-School Sense

2008-05-19T10:12:00.000+08:00

Being contemplative can be so unbearable, when you stop ever so often to reflect on Life and what you have been doing in yours to account for Meaning. I can stop to think, and quite happily so too, any time, any place, and yet I can’t stop Thinking per se, is that a boon or a bane. Religious people tell me it’s a sign I’m ready to embrace you know what and I said bull to that. Buddhism is the

The Domestic Goddess Speaks

2008-04-21T04:54:00.000+08:00

After rushing through The Other Bolynn Girl, The Forbidden Kingdom and a 3 hour KTV session with the baby sister, not to mention squeezing a shopping quickie of 15 mins on a Saturday, I’m so ready to be the domestic goddess on Sunday after having more than my fair share of fun.Because I was 100% willing, the cleaning and neatening for the past 3 hours was not a chore at all. It was expectedly

Everything Changes But You

2008-04-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

The only addition was that he checked his phone more often, when he almost never did in the past. I can only guess. Be it the quiet enjoyment of each other’s presence, the gentle banter and teasing, his familiar soap scent, or my relief and tiredness after 8 full hours of chirpiness, everything else flowed as before. Seriously, is this worth it and can I give this up? Deputy Best Friend said I’m

Becoming Angelinesque

2008-03-30T01:33:00.000+08:00

Becoming Jane was rather awful and an utter blasphemy to my fond memory of Mr Darcy. Fine, so Mr Darcy is fictional and Becoming Jane was really an imaginary confection of Jane Austen the author’s life instead of Elizabeth Bennet, thus there is no reason for me to be affronted by Tom Lefroy who, in real-life, purportedly inspired the definitive literary heartthrob that is Mr Darcy (thanks to

Hey Jude: We Have Taken A Sad Song & Made It Better

2008-03-24T15:08:00.000+08:00

I logged onto Facebook and saw in my Newsfeed that he had changed his non-status to being in a relationship and I can honestly say I am past the stage of caring, not even the pseudo sort that I have a tendency to will myself to feel when I’m bored. And there is no room for boredom anymore. With a new career taking me where I want to go, I am seriously excited about the potential and promise of it

会呼吸的痛

2008-02-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

It was a mundane moment, a most ordinary, yet romantic scene I have often envisaged that would one day happen to me, since it’s such the cliché, and yet when it does, WTF, the male lead is someone’s boyfriend.He called much earlier from his office than expected to say he was tired of working and would be on his way to fetch me. As I heaved my two cloth bags of barang barang to the porch to wait

知足

2008-02-27T07:06:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. That he's no longer exclusively mine to quietly rejoice over anymore when he does something to win my favours. But he can still have my friendship. I'm sure he's unaware of it but at times, he says the exact right thing that still makes me rue over what I may have potentially lost, maybe not now but in the inevitable future.I was sms-ing him yesterday late evening: that I'm

难道深情褪色对我的好也是错

2008-02-22T16:15:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a number of days since I indulged in mock nursing of a broken heart. The novelty has worn off and I'm wary of becoming the cliche (I'm annoying even myself). I apologise to my dear teacher friends, some of whom are Math teachers too. Hey, I'm sure Math teachers are fetching. It's just that in comparison to me, you know, how everything sorta fades into the background, even though

He Wasn't Man Enough For Me - Updated

2008-02-17T17:47:00.000+08:00

While he made his choice, I had also chosen. So I was able to beam with sincerity because my own happiness renders everything and everyone else insignificant. Perhaps also because I am secured in the instinctive womanly knowledge I am superior in charm and character even though we have yet to met. I am not an easy person to love and it is even less easy to be the recipient of my affections.It is,

Naohiro-san

2008-01-27T15:28:00.000+08:00

I was suitably amused as I walked along Coleman Street last evening, when every single reasonably 1.8m tall and lean male clad in long sleeved shirt and black pants threatened to induce a heart attack as they make their way past me. Some memories just never falter while we simply fall out of it after a while.*If there ever existed a guy who first aroused the primal awareness of masculinity, it

Happy, It's So Nice To Be Happy

2008-01-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

The ability to be naturally, effortlessly, blithely blasé when I am with someone I like is a curse.And I hate how I forget to flirt.He: Are you like online now? Or am I talking to a figment of my imagination?TYS Model Answer: “Do I appear in your imagination that often?” or “I didn’t know you think about me so frequently that you can’t differentiate when I’m real anymore!” and their various forms

TLC DIY Style

2008-01-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

Misery and depression almost ruined a perfectly good Saturday. Woke up feeling down. Spent half a day moping and thinking in contemptuous circles. Still, I managed to go for my routine check-up at the dentist so not all time was frittered away.Like I told Shimin when we met for Beauty World last night, you ask me what I want to do? May I just slump into a dark, quiet corner and be sorry for

@Jones The Grocer

2008-01-13T04:06:00.000+08:00

Who needs a boyfriend when you have guys organising a birthday celebration for you, who are quietly suffering the indignity of driving from East to West and back and simply going along with what they think makes you happy??? Oh Mr Dimples, you are probably better off as my platonic friend!! Boo to you. Yay to the men who love me.Anyway, we went to Jones The Grocer. Sadly, we forgot to do

Moving On

2008-01-12T17:13:00.000+08:00

2008 is turning out to be super efficient in terms of fulfilled resolutions, renewed resolve and achievable aspirations. With the passing of tonight, I learnt from the horse’s mouth itself that he has been seeing someone for several weeks now, to the extent of spending new year’s eve with her and I guess that’s the best outcome for me to stop the occasional wondering of if-it’

Hey 2008, Bye 2007

2008-01-07T04:19:00.000+08:00

5 days has passed since 2008 and I’m happy that they have been well spent. Saying goodbye to the last of 2007 with the DBF in Via Mar @Esplanade, making resolutions, toasting with Sangria, put the two of us in such excellent spirits that night that we forgave even the atrocious buffet spread. In less than 12 hours later (still on the first day), we met again, with Shimin joining us to zip around

The DBF

2007-12-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

In relation to the last post, unfortunately, for The Future Boyfriend whoever and wherever he is, Deputy Best Friend has upped stakes and standards. Deputy Best Friend is a planner and initiator so he has pre-booked me for the last day of 2007 even before the HK trip. I did consider for the briefest of moments what if some other guy I like were to ask me out but hell, that guy is too slow so he

超过了友情还不到爱情

2007-12-26T15:04:00.000+08:00

My friends know I’m all for intimate platonic males relationships (however oxymoronic that may sound to outsiders not in my social circle) for wise and prudent reasons, and the occasional selfish one like requiring an entertaining escort/chauffeur to esoteric functions. What follows is merely for the record and while I really can’t bring myself to agree, I can remind myself of the pitfalls even

The Non-Date Date

2007-12-20T16:33:00.000+08:00

The Wednesday was spent leisurely and indulgently in the companionship of Mr Dimples whom I have not seen for months. Since we were both on leave, he proposed that car and chauffeur were at my easy disposal from 10am. Headed to his favourite (and original) Katong Laksa haunt first for breakfast and then it was off to Orchard to window shop at the miscellaneous branded boutiques for fun. The main

Lux Et Veritas, S'il Vous Plait

2007-12-07T14:03:00.000+08:00

At the Chinese wedding dinner of April and Hanrong, and taking pictures without them. * Is it not knowledge, harmless and hopeless knowledge, but still heavy enough to render one helpless, to learn from Facebook that Mr Dimples' good friend is the colleague of Mr Veins' sister?*A brief respite from the workplace (actually it’s sick leave: I’ve succumbed to a particularly

C'est La Vie

2007-11-22T15:14:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was reminded of the shared pain and humiliation that once bound us together. The connection has stayed as we waited for the shame and anger to melt away into a neutered past that we can eventually learn to live with but never understand. Occasionally, gently, and mockingly brought up as a tribute to the vanity and foolishness of our youth, it is a ghostly spectre whose absence and

The WTF Moment Of The Week II

2007-11-21T10:18:00.000+08:00

I did a double take today. Was that Mr Dimples’ doppelganger standing before me in the most unlikely of places, in Chinatown Point, at 1.30pm in front of Mouth Restaurant?I waved feebly and hesitantly as I passed the evil twin (who was staring vacuously and viciously at nothing) and he looked just as surprised by this crossing of paths, this coy collision of coincidences, before sunshine took

你不在

2007-11-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

It’s practically impossible not to have lusty images from 300 resurfacing in my head as I was watching Beowulf, and inevitably, ending up doing a mental comparison of the CGI manipulated maleness while at the same time, trying to make sense of this adaptation from the epic poetry that I have neither read nor heard of prior to this.If we were talking about abs and pecs and veins, I would go for

When Her Personal Is My Political

2007-11-08T19:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Justin who searched high and low (according to him) in the US states he visited and finally stumbled upon the only copy in a Barnes and Noble bookstore, I hold in my naturally fair and ungloved hands a book that’s not sold (or found in any libraries, for that matter) in Singapore - Rebels in White Gloves: Coming of Age with Hillary's Class--Wellesley '69.This is, despite its modest

Alone By Choice & Lonely By Nature

2007-11-03T08:05:00.000+08:00

Tell me, that it isn't a terrible thing to be alone, simply because, you dun want anyone else's company except the one you can't have, that you can't bring yourself to ask for, any more.Maybe I have finally grown a conscience and started treating others with dignity.Maybe because I realise I can't fake it any longer.Perhaps, I am as naive and stubborn as I always was.But here I am, alone and

Troubled Addendum

2007-10-13T17:05:00.000+08:00

There really is nothing a bout of old school shopping can’t fix, that $$$ can’t buy and truly, the Metro warehouse sale @Expo made me feel like a champ again. 2 jackets, 1 top (all from Additions/Celiana), 1 pair of leather boots and another pair of leather heels (all from Pierre Cardin), $225 poorer in the name of saving $254, I was the happy accomplished auntie shopper who, after elegantly and

Troubled

2007-10-08T16:06:00.000+08:00

老师说我的致命伤是抓曲feel不精准，不稳。曲feel不对，我文笔再好，也始终不如一个写得平庸肤浅曲feel却ok的填词者。她还说我的词没带出市场所向往憧憬的脆弱，并用"理直气壮"来形容我的"风格"，这点让我深感困扰。我不否认我会刻意"理直气壮"，不过这也只是为了传达词中故事的发展。从最初任性到最终懊悔和遗憾，难道就不是柔弱吗? 有30%沉默的抗议，50%的认真检讨， 20%的莫明其妙和100%的无奈和感慨。100%的无奈和感慨 weigh me down when I am trying to work out why there is the perceived lack of vulnerability in my songs. After all, not-so-hypothetically-speaking, if I did write with the intent of

Nostalgia Is Evil

2007-09-24T15:47:00.000+08:00

There are times when you just feel, feel so 无能为力 - helpless as to how to not, how to stop because really, apart from the reeling-from-the-feeling, there isn't anything left for you to do. That's how pathetic the state of things is. I would like not to care about anything and ironically, that feeling is what I cling to for dear life, simply because: I fear if I don't remember occasionally, what I

夜里流星飞渡想象着他日的路途晚风听着我们壮志无数

2007-09-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

I ran 5km under 30 minutes for the SHAPE run this morning!!! For someone who has only been running for an average of once a week for a month, and not at all for the last two weeks (thanks to work and a non-work course I signed up for that would er, run, for the same two weeks - that coincided with the SHAPE and Terry Fox runs – in the evenings), I think I did decently and give (yes, present

以为只要简单地生活就能平息了脉搏却忘了在逃什么

2007-08-20T16:39:00.000+08:00

Quick one before I passed out. This weekend has been a blast!!!- I was praised in my songwriting class.- I finally managed to catch The Piano Tuner of Missing Earthquakes, albeit by myself- Zonghan brought me to Zen Japanese Cuisine in UE, a fantastic Japanese restaurant that sells the best sushi I have eaten in Singapore.- Went to Les Chameaux in Robertson

The Failed Seduction Of Mr Dimples

2007-08-06T12:59:00.000+08:00

Mr Dimples is so gallant and sincere and down-to-earth that my occasional attempt to be coy and flirty is half-hearted. Regrettably, I stay as uncertain whether he is scattering vague hints. Simply because - he is an engineer and engineers engineer all but matters concerning the racing, racy heart. Can an engineer be anymore slow, dense and hesitant than he?*Mr Dimples: Hi, if I'm hardworking

This Weekend Review

2007-07-30T16:10:00.000+08:00

Happy Endings was an excellent, excellent play. I love how the playwright paid tribute to an iconic (actually the only in those days) book in local gay literature that is Peculiar Chris that must have meant so much to the gay population then and now - and thus we have a moving "sequel" through the imagined coming-of-age of author and protagonist. It was a play with heart and soul in which the

Of Utility, Pleasure & Good

2007-07-28T03:26:00.000+08:00

In Book VIII of his Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle categorizes three different types of friendship: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of the good. Friendships of utility are those where people are on cordial terms primarily because each person benefits from the other in some way. Business partnerships, relationships among co-workers, and classmate connections are

When Safe & Sound Is Sane Enough

2007-07-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

Me: Thank goodness we are not meeting today. I just got out from a long meeting.Mr Dimples: That's horrible. Good that you are safe and sound.*Safe and sound?! This is the second time in a week I have had that from him. The first context is correct ie he was glad I'm back safe and sound from Tokyo as he knew an earthquake had happened during the period I was there. Safe and sound emergence from a

别让我看穿朝往天涯的孤单就好聚好散

2007-07-23T13:16:00.000+08:00

I get to relive my student days now that my songwriting classes at FM have started. It is rather lovely to be in a classroom environment again, learning professionally about something you are passionate for. 师傅小寒 is natural and candid so the first lesson was fun and I felt really comfortable. Earlier on, before the class officially began, she has requested that each student rewrite the lyrics of

When The World Is Tokyo

2007-07-19T08:51:00.000+08:00

Tokyo was everything tangible and symbolic of what I wish for. I never felt more liberated and alive as I roamed the streets and subways by myself. I am, finally, the carefree and care-less heartless I always imagine I can be, away from Singapore. The thoughtless romantic imbibing the delightful worldliness of alone-ness in a foreign land was no longer make-believe and pretence.This was a late

Off To See The World

2007-07-09T15:32:00.000+08:00

And I'm off to see the world. In Tokyo, Japan 9 - 17 July. For someone weaned on Japanese drama serials (think early 90s classics like Tokyo Love Story, In The Name Of Love, Heaven Coins, Long Vacation, Say You Love Me), this can only be good.And I promise myself I'm gonna play Eason Chan's Fuji Mountain on Mount Fuji and truly imbibe the serenity and generosity of the song, and perhaps then,

He Calls It The Fear Of Rejection

2007-07-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

I’m not sure how it sheds any light on a matter long put to rest (read: inertia, closeted and somewhat forgotten) but for the record,Mr Dimples: I don’t make the first move because I’m afraid of rejection.Me: I think if the girl likes the boy, she will definitely be sending out signals, and it is just too bad if the boy happens to be a block of wood who cannot read the clues.YQ: I think what he

The Not-So-Red Herring

2007-07-06T11:17:00.000+08:00

At 8.13am today:Mr Dimples: Are you the publicist Angeline Ang who is quoted on pg2 Life! today?Me: Oh no! Was it that obvious? When the reporter called me yesterday, I spoke on the condition they don't list my company :)Mr Dimples: How many Angeline Ang are 26, are publicists, and have possible connection to Hong Xinyi? Technically, you should not be implicated because you are really 27.Me: Oh

Empowered & Accomplished

2007-07-02T14:33:00.000+08:00

Saturday- Went for regular dental check- Went for facial- Went for hair trim- Bought shorts- Went for an evening run > 3 km in the open is good for a start especially when I was talking and running at the same time.- Dinner with running companion AprilSunday- Watched Nancy Drew the movie (I love her preppy frocks and polished yet vibrant

Running For Life Project 2007

2007-06-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

Yes, dear reader, you read right. I’m resurrecting my restless running soul after the legendary (spectacularly so) thwarted attempts to complete a marathon in 2006 (registration closed early due to overwhelming response) and 2005. Hilarious accounts of willing-the-self-to-run here, here, & there, there, just not everywhere.So as you can see, I hardly cover any grounds in literal speak.But 2007,

Formally Out Of The Fridge

2007-06-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

Background: So he's really coming back and we said to meet on Wednesday for dinner. Currently in real-time taking place is a msn chat with too many metaphors. (NB: being in and out of the fridge is an old phrase we coined during undergrad days, referring to friendship renaissance ie being quarantined vs thawing) .PJ says: hey do u want to watch eye in the sky - the new chinese movie by simon yam

What I Have Done

2007-06-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

What have I done?This question, when asked on a daily basis, serves as the constant reminder that I have to sow now in order to reap tomorrow (but usually later is when it will bear fruit, if at all).Applied to my entire life so far, it can be a nightmare and end up as sheer rhetoric, to be shrugged off till the next panic attack.What have I done? Have I messed up my own life? Is it too late to

我心荡漾

2007-05-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

If updates are few and few, it's because i'm launching full time into song writing with my composer HX.薇芯之歌: 偎心的音乐*Saved from writing songs, I am currently moving into a new cycle of negative energy in which I'm damn sian (how more euphemistic can one get). Thank goodness for The Crush who (I suspect) was also equally bored today. After luring me to his room, we started crapping and he showed me

Weird Day

2007-05-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

I think phantom is a soulless musical. Sets were gorgeous but that’s pretty much it.What story?*What would make a guy share without hesitation that he is a virgin? I didn’t actually ask, but I provided a context in which he asked if I wanted to ask and I think I said well, if you want to tell me…and voila, my faith in my sense of judgment when it comes to men is thankfully restored.I guess I just

First Of May

2007-05-02T14:30:00.000+08:00

When it comes to you, I can finally dream without desiring, mull without missing, think without troubling, thank without taking, give without guessing, live without languishing, love without longing and leave without lingering.And so when I remember today for what it is, I can wish you Happy Birthday and mean exactly that. Nothing covertly clandestine, murkily meandering or sneakily sinuous that